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My sister is faking her pregnancy.

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Norrisskipjack Mon 08-Apr-19 17:57:20

Trigger warning in advance I’ll need to speak about baby loss to give context on this one.

I have 2 sisters: A and B.

3 months ago, B’s beautiful little girl Matilda was stillborn at 38 weeks. About 2 weeks after, our sister A announced she was 6 weeks pregnant and for the whole family, it was a very bitter sweet time as you can imagine.

The announcement was a shock for 2 reasons: A is in a bisexual but in a gay relationship and her and her girlfriend have been together a couple of years. Her girlfriend is adamant and always has been that she doesn’t want children.

B was bloody heroic throughout and managed to react excitedly on our WhatsApp when A talked about baby stuff and supported her when A was complaining how bad morning sickness was etc.

A was spectacularly tactless to the point that in the end I called A and explained while I knew how excited she was, she needed to tone it down in the group chat and maybe just message me without B in the chat if there’s things she’s excited about since A would be hurting despite putting on a really brave face.

A went ballistic at me and accused me of jealousy hmm then stopped talking to me but continued to message B with giddy excited pregnancy chat sad

None of us live near each other but we meet up fairly regularly normally. A hasn’t come to any of our meet ups since announcing the pregnancy because she says she doesn’t want to be around me and doesn’t want ‘her bump’ to upset B. Fair enough.

Anyway fast forward to now: I ran in to A’s girlfriend completely by chance on Saturday at an event and did the usual big hello hugs and fuss. I mentioned in passing how excited she must be for the impending arrival and how A must be getting quite big now, but she had NO IDEA what I was talking about.

I don’t know why, but I’d suspected something wasn’t quite right by what A had said before she blocked me so GF’s confusion kind of just confirmed what I already knew. I told GF that A had told us she was pregnant and GF confirmed this was catagorically not true. They live together so I can’t imagine she’d not know.

Anyway, 2 days later A unblocked me and had a WhatsApp rant about me ‘sticking my nose in’. Meanwhile I’d told B what had happened and she confirmed she also suspected the pregnancy wasn’t real.

I haven’t yet responded to the Facebook rant and A during her rant hasn’t confirmed or denied that the pregnancy is fake.

I want to cut her off and not respond but B is keen to understand exactly what’s gone on and why. We haven’t fallen out over it, but we’ve had major disagreements on how to proceed.

WIBU to just cut off A and not engage with the crazy and encourage my sister to do the same, or should we be trying to u defat and what’s actually going on?

I’m 100% sure there is no pregnancy.

InspectorClouseauMNdivision Mon 08-Apr-19 18:17:19

I think the fact she targeted ONLY the family is important.

Step away if you feel like you need to. It's understandable!

Likethebattle Mon 08-Apr-19 18:17:53

You need tread carefully she sounds unwell.

Loopytiles Mon 08-Apr-19 18:18:21

That is some messed up behaviour. I wouldn’t wish to maintain contact , other than to express my concern for her MH to her, her GF and any other close family members.

I would not, however, seek to influence my other sibling’s choice about what to do.

If was the GF I would end the relationship.

Coronapop Mon 08-Apr-19 18:19:14

It is despicable behaviour on A's part and YANBU to cease contact with her.

LL83 Mon 08-Apr-19 18:19:36

I would be there for A if she ever realises how wrong she is but until that point I couldn't deal with her. If B needs to understand that's fair enough (but she will never understand because there is no acceptable reason). Keep in touch with B be civil to A for sake of other family but not see her outside of family events.

44PumpLane Mon 08-Apr-19 18:19:38

Cross posted with your update..... I agree with Whatsername7

Drum2018 Mon 08-Apr-19 18:19:46

A was obviously jealous that your bereaved sister was getting justified attention after losing her precious little baby. This is her sick and twisted way of gaining some attention. How did she plan to continue her lie - was she also going to pretend to lose the imaginary baby therefore getting more attention? I'd be furious. You can only decide whether you want to stay in contact with A, and let B make up her own mind. I know, having had a baby die, that I would most likely cut her off.

Norrisskipjack Mon 08-Apr-19 18:22:11

We think her game plan was to fake a late miscarriage and then pull focus/ attention from B.

We’re a very close family and B finds it helps to talk openly about Matilda often, so we do follow her lead on that along with using her name. Naturally whenever B wants to talk about Matilda we engage fully which does take the focus of conversation especially with our parents when we all get together. Our mum moved in with B for a few weeks after Matilda died to help with the other kids and quite understandably as a family our priority has been supporting B any way we can.

A engaged right at the beginning but whenever talk turned to Matilda after she announced her ‘pregnancy’, she did try to duck out of shut down the conversation. I put this down to her feeling uncomfortable at first but now I genuinely think it was a fucked up kind of jealousy.

PyongyangKipperbang Mon 08-Apr-19 18:22:28

Do you think that she is planning a "pregnancy loss" so she can get the same level of sympathy and attention that B received?

That was my first thought too.

When someone is as attention seeking as she seems to be all she can see is someone else being the centre of attention and not them, they dont really care why just that the limelight isnt coming their way.

I would have predicted a loss shortly before 24 weeks so there is no need to register the baby or have a funeral but still late enough to garner her lots and lots of sympathy and attention.

ChariotsofFish Mon 08-Apr-19 18:22:30

I can’t imagine someone doing this without there being serious mental health issues. It’s just so cruel to your other sister. Could you maybe talk to her girlfriend about it again, to see if you can get any understanding?

PurpleDaisies Mon 08-Apr-19 18:22:56

Is that the baby’s real name? You might want to get it edited out if so...

FizzyGreenWater Mon 08-Apr-19 18:24:40

You should absolutely cut contact (not that you were really in contact by the sound of it) but just say to B that you are totally supportive of her need to do it differently and you'll be there for her (B) whatever happens. But - you won't contact or be a part of contact with A right now as it simply wouldn't help in any way.

Let B do her thing and be there if - when - A upsets her.

She sounds mentally unwell of course, and I am pretty sure from the sound of it that her animosity towards you that it's better you stay away from this situation. B too, but she has to find that out for herself.

What a disturbing thing to do to B (because that is what it is - something she has chosen to do to B).

Poor B.

ineedaholidaynow Mon 08-Apr-19 18:25:37

Do your parents know anything?

lyralalala Mon 08-Apr-19 18:26:10

You wouldn't be at all unreasonable to cut A out. However, you would be completely unreasonable to try and persuade B to deal with it in any way other than how she wants too.

cobblett36 Mon 08-Apr-19 18:26:33

So sorry for your familys loss.

I think A made it up for attention to draw the familys attention away from B. I'm close to someone whose sister has done similar, when her exDh was being sentenced for domestic violence, she rushed herself to A & E experiencing stomach pains as she was in the first trimester then later admitted she preferred it when my friend wasn't allowed to speak to their parents because the attention was all on her.
I dont always think these things link back to mental health and being unwell, some people are just attention seekers and can't stand to see other people getting the love they think should be for them.

CherryClarence Mon 08-Apr-19 18:27:06

So agree with @Whatsername7 - I would ask outright 'are you pregnant?'

Ask if you can see the 12 week scan photo which you say you haven't seen. Ask if the nuchal fold and heartbeat were all okay. It's a bit personal however nothing my own sister didn't ask me. It's easy to say 'I'm pregnant' but people tend to trip up over the small stuff.

I would open up to her and if you still suspect (and are 99% sure), let her know it's never too late to tell the truth.

Sorry to hear about your sister's loss flowers

Norrisskipjack Mon 08-Apr-19 18:28:55

I’m using the babies real name with B’s permission yes, she’s here with me smile not worried about being outed, plan to name change once we settle on what we want to do.

I take the point that we don’t need to do the same thing, but if we do confront her it will be me that does it not B for obvious reasons.

ScreamingLadySutch Mon 08-Apr-19 18:29:50

Investigate borderline personality disorder

PurpleDaisies Mon 08-Apr-19 18:29:59

Aren’t you worried sister A will turn up on this thread? That would be a dramatic update....

Or this could end up in the daily mail?

QuimReaper Mon 08-Apr-19 18:31:56

How extraordinary!

It's funny that you say you smelt a rat already - I've always said there's something about fabrications which smells fishy even when there's nothing specifically suspect about them. Even with small, incidental lies, people can quite often sense untruth, it's like a sixth sense.

Nameusernameuser Mon 08-Apr-19 18:32:30

First of all, I'm so sorry for the loss of your niece flowers
I would ask sister A out right. There's really no other way.

justthecat Mon 08-Apr-19 18:32:56

I’d absolutely take a step back and avoid contact with her for the foreseeable . It’s pure nastiness what she has done.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone Mon 08-Apr-19 18:34:46

Do you think that she is planning a "pregnancy loss" so she can get the same level of sympathy and attention that B received?

This was my first though too. Your sister is a bloody saint to be even considering still talking to A after everything she has been through. Me personally I would cut her off I could not forgive such a horrendous and hurtful lie.

BitchPeas Mon 08-Apr-19 18:35:45

I do agree it sounds like she was going to fake a late loss for the attention.

Have you told your parents? I have 3 DDs and if one had done what A has done to B, I would be apocalyptic with rage.

Norrisskipjack Mon 08-Apr-19 18:36:05

Cant say I’m really concerned about saving A’s blushes at all right now, no.

Our parents know A has said she’s pregnant, we’re going to see them both at the weekend so plan to explain the rest to them then once we have a clear picture (B’s reason for wanting to know more) or when we can tell them they’re not getting another grandchild in person (my reason for waiting) sad

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