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My sister is faking her pregnancy.

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Norrisskipjack Mon 08-Apr-19 17:57:20

Trigger warning in advance I’ll need to speak about baby loss to give context on this one.

I have 2 sisters: A and B.

3 months ago, B’s beautiful little girl Matilda was stillborn at 38 weeks. About 2 weeks after, our sister A announced she was 6 weeks pregnant and for the whole family, it was a very bitter sweet time as you can imagine.

The announcement was a shock for 2 reasons: A is in a bisexual but in a gay relationship and her and her girlfriend have been together a couple of years. Her girlfriend is adamant and always has been that she doesn’t want children.

B was bloody heroic throughout and managed to react excitedly on our WhatsApp when A talked about baby stuff and supported her when A was complaining how bad morning sickness was etc.

A was spectacularly tactless to the point that in the end I called A and explained while I knew how excited she was, she needed to tone it down in the group chat and maybe just message me without B in the chat if there’s things she’s excited about since A would be hurting despite putting on a really brave face.

A went ballistic at me and accused me of jealousy hmm then stopped talking to me but continued to message B with giddy excited pregnancy chat sad

None of us live near each other but we meet up fairly regularly normally. A hasn’t come to any of our meet ups since announcing the pregnancy because she says she doesn’t want to be around me and doesn’t want ‘her bump’ to upset B. Fair enough.

Anyway fast forward to now: I ran in to A’s girlfriend completely by chance on Saturday at an event and did the usual big hello hugs and fuss. I mentioned in passing how excited she must be for the impending arrival and how A must be getting quite big now, but she had NO IDEA what I was talking about.

I don’t know why, but I’d suspected something wasn’t quite right by what A had said before she blocked me so GF’s confusion kind of just confirmed what I already knew. I told GF that A had told us she was pregnant and GF confirmed this was catagorically not true. They live together so I can’t imagine she’d not know.

Anyway, 2 days later A unblocked me and had a WhatsApp rant about me ‘sticking my nose in’. Meanwhile I’d told B what had happened and she confirmed she also suspected the pregnancy wasn’t real.

I haven’t yet responded to the Facebook rant and A during her rant hasn’t confirmed or denied that the pregnancy is fake.

I want to cut her off and not respond but B is keen to understand exactly what’s gone on and why. We haven’t fallen out over it, but we’ve had major disagreements on how to proceed.

WIBU to just cut off A and not engage with the crazy and encourage my sister to do the same, or should we be trying to u defat and what’s actually going on?

I’m 100% sure there is no pregnancy.

Sakura7 Wed 10-Apr-19 09:26:32

*You have five siblings?
This is all sounding quite far fetched got to be honest OP*

What's far fetched about having five siblings? confused

downcasteyes Wed 10-Apr-19 09:33:04

Particularly as the estranged first sibling suggests two families or a blended family.

belindawaters Wed 10-Apr-19 09:35:44

I have 6 siblings... not that far fetched. We had a wonderful upbringing and it did us no harm!

pessimisticstateofperception Wed 10-Apr-19 09:39:09

You have five siblings?
This is all sounding quite far fetched got to be honest OP

Why? I have 6 dc.

If you feel that the op isn't genuine report it and MNHQ will look into it. Coming onto a sensitive thread to express disbelief is just crass.

Stuff like this does happen, similar has happened to me, more than once.

aweedropofsancerre Wed 10-Apr-19 09:44:14

I have 5 sisters and a brother. Never met the brother or one of the sisters though...... doesn’t mean though don’t exist.

Lizzie48 Wed 10-Apr-19 09:51:12

There are some posters for whom troll hunting is a sport and I suspect it makes them feel superior to be able to spot a troll on Mumsnet. It's a strange fact to question, though, I know plenty of people who have big families. My BIL and SIL have five.

Clutterbugsmum Wed 10-Apr-19 09:54:08

Whereareyouspot You have five siblings? This is all sounding quite far fetched got to be honest OP

Where do live, there a loads of families where I live who have 6 or more children.

I don't want shock you but my Nan was one of 14 children and that was normal.

Moaningmertyl Wed 10-Apr-19 09:55:10

There's nothing far fetched about having 5 siblings, my DM is one of 6 and I know somebody else with 5 DC.

IfYoureGonnaTakeAShotAtTheKing Wed 10-Apr-19 09:56:53

Another reporting in with 5 siblings, not far fetched at all!

LagunaBubbles Wed 10-Apr-19 09:59:53

Sick of people posting digs, if you don't believe just report.

AintNobodyHereButUsReindeer Wed 10-Apr-19 10:01:08

If she was miscarrying at 18 weeks there is no way she would have been sent home before it was all finished, my friend miscarried at 16 weeks and she said she went through labour and they took the baby away once she had given birth, once they'd established she was miscarrying they kept her in hospital until it was over.

Seaweed42 Wed 10-Apr-19 10:02:20

Your sister A has a mental health issue of some sort. The personality disorders do emerge in early adulthood.
It's likely she can't empathise with people. She only sees it as 'no one loves me' or 'Mum prefers X' or 'they have everything, I have nothing' sort of stuff. She's a manipulator. She has been babied by your Mother so she needs to keep that going to feel safe.
She could see your mother so upset over the baby maybe she wanted your Mother to have another grandchild to 'fix' things so your Mother wouldn't be sad anymore. Then Mother's attention would be back on her and everyone would be 'happy' again. It's likely she did a very Wrong thing for what seemed like very Right reasons to her.
If you want to get to the bottom of it, gently affirming her possible good intentions would be a good way to get to the truth.
Your sister's B feelings would not be factor because your sister A can't really feel empathy for people. Not when she's highly charged with emotion. I suspect all your sister A feels now is very sorry for herself, and that feeling will just overwhelm her.
The details of the pregnancy story will blur in her mind and in a short time she may even be in denial it ever happened. Her mind will spin things a different way to protect herself.
The family's main concern now should be for your sister A's mental health. She should not be 'babied' but treated like an adult, but taking account that she has a significant mental health issue as well.

Lovescookies Wed 10-Apr-19 10:11:23

At 18 weeks she would not be sent home to miscarry alone. At that gestation you have to labour and give birth to the baby.

I have an incompetent cervix, which dilated and caused an infection. I went into spontaneous labour at 19 weeks and 4 days when my waters broke at home. I was admitted to the delivery suite in hospital where I laboured for 12 hours under the care of a midwife and multiple Dr's with access to pain relief and was cared for medically in the same way as I would have been in a full term delivery. Afterwards I was able to stay in the hospital's bereavement suite and I had my son in a cold cot in the room with me and I was allowed to stay until I was ready to leave.

RogueV Wed 10-Apr-19 10:12:33

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Sakura7 Wed 10-Apr-19 10:13:35

Fully agree with Seaweed42

Obviously only the appropriate medical professionals can diagnose a personality disorder, but from my experience with a family member with a PD this behaviour rings a lot of bells.

Innernutshell Wed 10-Apr-19 10:17:27

unfortunately there really are some people who quite desperately need to be the centre of attention at all times. hmm

HebeMumsnet (MNHQ) Wed 10-Apr-19 10:28:23

Morning, everyone. Could we ask people to stop with the troll hunting please? We've deleted a few posts here already. If you have concerns about something just hit the report button. Thanks!

strawberrisc Wed 10-Apr-19 10:45:03

I just read the full thread and I honestly think she sounds quite ill. B sounds very gracious.

Iamtooknackeredtorun Wed 10-Apr-19 10:53:57

I haven’t read all the replies but I strongly suspect someone I worked with did something similar. She had a full term still birth which was obviously devestatinv but quite soon after said she was pregnant with twins. A few days before her early scan she said she had miscarried both babies. She has gone on to have children but posts daily about major health scares for her and them and it doesn’t ring true. I believe she has significant mental health issues.

I would distance myself from A and see what develops. Either a pregnancy will manifest itself or it won’t. In time she may want to open up about it if it’s not genuine.

Awful for you all but especially your sister who recently lost her baby.

BasilBrushes Wed 10-Apr-19 10:55:36

As a pp said, if she miscarried at 18 weeks she wouldn’t have just been sent home. She would have given birth. She’s lying still. You need to stop giving her the benefit of the doubt.

bubblegumunicorn Wed 10-Apr-19 11:04:26

I don't think you can say she's mentally ill it possibly needs to be explored but you can't diagnose that from a third party on the internet! I know people who have done things like this before my best friend in year 10/11 was a chronic liar and she used to claim she'd had an abortion at least once a month (I didn't believe her but didn't know anything about conception to call her out) we were close for 10 months and in that time she had claimed about 12 abortions all for attention! It's crazy to think about really as most people wouldn't think to do it. She's a well rounded adult now in her late 20s with two DC who knows if she still lies but she keeps her self very private these days so people can grow out of it too! A might need help or this might be the wake up call she needed she's lost a lot this week her relationship her family's trust and by the sounds of it a lot of respect so she might come crawling back and apologise there is no way to know so I wouldn't keep trying to diagnose her with BPD or Narcissism as even a professional would need to have many conversations with her to diagnose such things!

MrsJDornan Wed 10-Apr-19 11:20:56

I'm sorry for the loss of Matilda thanks

Sounds like even though A has totally messed up you are all there for her which is good, she definitely needs to be made aware that what she done was wrong on so many levels

Hearhere Wed 10-Apr-19 11:25:16

Such a difficult situation

QuimReaper Wed 10-Apr-19 11:56:15

OP what makes you now think the initial pregnancy + miscarriage is true? As you say the timing was very suspicious - do you think she cheated on GF intentionally trying to get pregnant?

If she was really pregnant then it does put another slant on it; continuing to pretend to be pregnant after an early miscarriage could have just been denial.

fargo123 Wed 10-Apr-19 11:56:26

I’ll give it a couple of days then reach out to A and ask if she wants to go for a coffee or something.

Please don't.

Doing so just plays into her hands and gives her what she wanted all along - attention. She needs to be starved of it for now. Otherwise she'll do this time and time again - someone in the family gets a serious illness? A will suddenly develop cancer, only to miraculously 'recover' at some ridiculous point. Another sibling will have some sort of genuine crisis and suddenly A will have one too. Ignore, ignore, ignore.

I don't believe she was pregnant either.

Sister B has experienced one of, if not THE, most horrific thing a woman can go through with the stillbirth of her daughter Matilda. And then her own sister tries to milk the situation for her own gain by pretending to be pregnant and suffering her own baby loss just to take away some of the attention that should quite rightly all be on B at this time. I don't know if A has a mental illness or not, but her actions lately have been utterly evil. Time to cut her off for good and not give her another moment's thought or attention.

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