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My sister is faking her pregnancy.

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Norrisskipjack Mon 08-Apr-19 17:57:20

Trigger warning in advance I’ll need to speak about baby loss to give context on this one.

I have 2 sisters: A and B.

3 months ago, B’s beautiful little girl Matilda was stillborn at 38 weeks. About 2 weeks after, our sister A announced she was 6 weeks pregnant and for the whole family, it was a very bitter sweet time as you can imagine.

The announcement was a shock for 2 reasons: A is in a bisexual but in a gay relationship and her and her girlfriend have been together a couple of years. Her girlfriend is adamant and always has been that she doesn’t want children.

B was bloody heroic throughout and managed to react excitedly on our WhatsApp when A talked about baby stuff and supported her when A was complaining how bad morning sickness was etc.

A was spectacularly tactless to the point that in the end I called A and explained while I knew how excited she was, she needed to tone it down in the group chat and maybe just message me without B in the chat if there’s things she’s excited about since A would be hurting despite putting on a really brave face.

A went ballistic at me and accused me of jealousy hmm then stopped talking to me but continued to message B with giddy excited pregnancy chat sad

None of us live near each other but we meet up fairly regularly normally. A hasn’t come to any of our meet ups since announcing the pregnancy because she says she doesn’t want to be around me and doesn’t want ‘her bump’ to upset B. Fair enough.

Anyway fast forward to now: I ran in to A’s girlfriend completely by chance on Saturday at an event and did the usual big hello hugs and fuss. I mentioned in passing how excited she must be for the impending arrival and how A must be getting quite big now, but she had NO IDEA what I was talking about.

I don’t know why, but I’d suspected something wasn’t quite right by what A had said before she blocked me so GF’s confusion kind of just confirmed what I already knew. I told GF that A had told us she was pregnant and GF confirmed this was catagorically not true. They live together so I can’t imagine she’d not know.

Anyway, 2 days later A unblocked me and had a WhatsApp rant about me ‘sticking my nose in’. Meanwhile I’d told B what had happened and she confirmed she also suspected the pregnancy wasn’t real.

I haven’t yet responded to the Facebook rant and A during her rant hasn’t confirmed or denied that the pregnancy is fake.

I want to cut her off and not respond but B is keen to understand exactly what’s gone on and why. We haven’t fallen out over it, but we’ve had major disagreements on how to proceed.

WIBU to just cut off A and not engage with the crazy and encourage my sister to do the same, or should we be trying to u defat and what’s actually going on?

I’m 100% sure there is no pregnancy.

GreenTulips Mon 08-Apr-19 18:00:33

Does she have previous form for this type of thing?

All seems strange

LordNibbler Mon 08-Apr-19 18:01:27

What a truly vile and unkind thing to do. I don't think I could have anything to do with anyone who would do something so cruel.

DantesInferno Mon 08-Apr-19 18:03:52

Well that's just very odd

How many weeks does she claim to be?

PurpleDaisies Mon 08-Apr-19 18:03:59

Something very strange is going on there.

Could the girlfriend not know because the sister cheated with a man? Some women don’t show in the early months so it might not categorically be a lie

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking Mon 08-Apr-19 18:04:07

Does she have a history of this behaviour, or a properly MH disorders?

Jessgalinda Mon 08-Apr-19 18:05:06

If you want to cut her off, cut her off.

B can make her choice about how she will proceed

There no need for you to have major disagreements with B. Dont try and convince her of anything.

To be fair A wouldn't 'be quite big' she is only, what 16 weeks?

palebluewalls Mon 08-Apr-19 18:05:25

That's crazy

OneStepSideways Mon 08-Apr-19 18:05:35

Your sister sounds like she may need professional help. How's her mental health usually? Could the fake pregnancy be a reaction to your other sister's tragedy, a way of processing grief?

I think you should get to the bottom of it before you cut her off. To fake a pregnancy in those circumstances suggests she's either delusional or in a very bad place.

Siameasy Mon 08-Apr-19 18:06:00

A sounds bonkers. What is she normally like?
So sorry to hear about your other sister’s loss, that is heartbreaking.
Obv A is family so only you know the dynamics but I’d want nothing at all to do with someone like that

Doje Mon 08-Apr-19 18:06:01

I think you have to try and understand why she's done this.

No one pretends they are pregnant, especially in this kind of situation, unless something is wrong. It'll be hard, but your sister needs your support.

SandyY2K Mon 08-Apr-19 18:06:39

Doee she have mental health issues? I can't imagine why a well balanced individual would make up something like this.

She sounds very much like an attention seeker, who was waiting to let you all know of her 'loss' and then her sympathy.

PlainSpeakingStraightTalking Mon 08-Apr-19 18:06:48

*properly diagnosed

ThatssomebadhatHarry Mon 08-Apr-19 18:07:21

Wow. How awful for your sister. I can only assume that sister A was jealous of the attention B was getting, which is majorly fucked up. Or at worse she was actively going out of her way to hurt your sister which is a whole other level of fucked up.
I would confront her and get an explanation for the sanity of your family.
flowers

teyem Mon 08-Apr-19 18:07:33

I'd be desperately worried about my sister if she was carrying on like this. It's absolutely bizarre.

Knittedfairies Mon 08-Apr-19 18:09:12

I wouldn't respond in any way, or do anything. No response is a response, and a powerful one at that. A knows you know; what B does is up to her.

KurriKurri Mon 08-Apr-19 18:09:55

I sympathise OP - I have a similar sister (she has a personality disorder and her behaviour is manipulative and cruel to a quite astonishing degree). She pulled a similar stunt when I lost a baby mid pregnancy - it was purely for attention, she was jealous because she perceived I was getting attention from our mother and it tipped her over the edge she always hovers on the brink of.

Nowadays I do as you are thinking about doing - I don't engage with crazy, I don't engage with her at all - I consider her a harmful person. I have a wonderful relationship with my other sister and we look after eahc other and protect each other from the lunacy thrown our way. I think that is what you and your nice sister should do - what sister A did is beyond cruel, it is seriously abnormal and rather sinister behaviour. Maybe sister A needs help (although I doubt she will agree that she does) and if she gets help then maybe youcan resume contact. Until then I would steer well clear.

theWarOnPeace Mon 08-Apr-19 18:10:53

I just feel so sorry for B. What an absolutely horrific thing to go through, followed by this. A is a either an absolute vile ghoul, or is having some kind of psychosis. Find out either way and then cut off or help her seek MH support. Again, poor B. Unimaginable what she’s having to deal with, can’t even have her grief for a minute without all this happening. Just completely horrendous.

Norrisskipjack Mon 08-Apr-19 18:11:24

She doesn’t have form for lying specifically but she does for attention seeking, definitely.

Her attention seeking previously has been like showing off/ acting out rather than lying but she likes to be the ‘extreme’ one.

She claimed to have a bump from about 9 weeks which is one of the things which peaked B into thinking it wasn’t true. B showed very early (about 14 weeks).

From what we can work out, A was claiming to be about 18 weeks and another thing that made me suspect was that despite all the excitement, no one in the family ever saw a scan picture. The pregnancy has been all over group chats but no where on social media at all. Not unusual in itself but definitely u usual behaviour for A as she shares everything on FB.

A has no history of mental health issues but like I say, she can be quite extreme and has a hell of a temper so it’s possible there’s something underlying and the grief we’ve all felt has brought it out.

lordofthefries Mon 08-Apr-19 18:13:31

I wouldn’t respond to her st all, but I would be very concerned, this isn’t normal

Whatsername7 Mon 08-Apr-19 18:14:06

I think you need to ask her out right - are you pregnant? Why didnt your girlfriend know? Why would you make this up? Keep it simple. I feel so sorry for your other sister, she must be devestated.

cuppycakey Mon 08-Apr-19 18:14:23

I would take a huge step back and wait to see what develops.

BalloonSlayer Mon 08-Apr-19 18:15:52

Do you think that she is planning a "pregnancy loss" so she can get the same level of sympathy and attention that B received?

GregoryPeckingDuck Mon 08-Apr-19 18:16:57

I would call her girlfriend and ask her to encourage your sister to seek help.

44PumpLane Mon 08-Apr-19 18:17:05

Could A be preparing to share a loss in a similar way to B (although B's loss is obviously real).

Could A be seeking the attention and emotional support that B has received? Is she that attention seeking?

Whatever it is, I cannot possibly fathom the distress your sister B has been through and this is very very cruel if its purely attention seeking. Even if the pregnancy was real its incredibly insensitive to force it in B's face so here is clearly something not right with A as noone without some other issue would surely do this?! (other issues including MH issues or being generally vile or narsissistic etc)

InspectorClouseauMNdivision Mon 08-Apr-19 18:17:19

I think the fact she targeted ONLY the family is important.

Step away if you feel like you need to. It's understandable!

Likethebattle Mon 08-Apr-19 18:17:53

You need tread carefully she sounds unwell.

Loopytiles Mon 08-Apr-19 18:18:21

That is some messed up behaviour. I wouldn’t wish to maintain contact , other than to express my concern for her MH to her, her GF and any other close family members.

I would not, however, seek to influence my other sibling’s choice about what to do.

If was the GF I would end the relationship.

Coronapop Mon 08-Apr-19 18:19:14

It is despicable behaviour on A's part and YANBU to cease contact with her.

LL83 Mon 08-Apr-19 18:19:36

I would be there for A if she ever realises how wrong she is but until that point I couldn't deal with her. If B needs to understand that's fair enough (but she will never understand because there is no acceptable reason). Keep in touch with B be civil to A for sake of other family but not see her outside of family events.

44PumpLane Mon 08-Apr-19 18:19:38

Cross posted with your update..... I agree with Whatsername7

Drum2018 Mon 08-Apr-19 18:19:46

A was obviously jealous that your bereaved sister was getting justified attention after losing her precious little baby. This is her sick and twisted way of gaining some attention. How did she plan to continue her lie - was she also going to pretend to lose the imaginary baby therefore getting more attention? I'd be furious. You can only decide whether you want to stay in contact with A, and let B make up her own mind. I know, having had a baby die, that I would most likely cut her off.

Norrisskipjack Mon 08-Apr-19 18:22:11

We think her game plan was to fake a late miscarriage and then pull focus/ attention from B.

We’re a very close family and B finds it helps to talk openly about Matilda often, so we do follow her lead on that along with using her name. Naturally whenever B wants to talk about Matilda we engage fully which does take the focus of conversation especially with our parents when we all get together. Our mum moved in with B for a few weeks after Matilda died to help with the other kids and quite understandably as a family our priority has been supporting B any way we can.

A engaged right at the beginning but whenever talk turned to Matilda after she announced her ‘pregnancy’, she did try to duck out of shut down the conversation. I put this down to her feeling uncomfortable at first but now I genuinely think it was a fucked up kind of jealousy.

PyongyangKipperbang Mon 08-Apr-19 18:22:28

Do you think that she is planning a "pregnancy loss" so she can get the same level of sympathy and attention that B received?

That was my first thought too.

When someone is as attention seeking as she seems to be all she can see is someone else being the centre of attention and not them, they dont really care why just that the limelight isnt coming their way.

I would have predicted a loss shortly before 24 weeks so there is no need to register the baby or have a funeral but still late enough to garner her lots and lots of sympathy and attention.

ChariotsofFish Mon 08-Apr-19 18:22:30

I can’t imagine someone doing this without there being serious mental health issues. It’s just so cruel to your other sister. Could you maybe talk to her girlfriend about it again, to see if you can get any understanding?

PurpleDaisies Mon 08-Apr-19 18:22:56

Is that the baby’s real name? You might want to get it edited out if so...

FizzyGreenWater Mon 08-Apr-19 18:24:40

You should absolutely cut contact (not that you were really in contact by the sound of it) but just say to B that you are totally supportive of her need to do it differently and you'll be there for her (B) whatever happens. But - you won't contact or be a part of contact with A right now as it simply wouldn't help in any way.

Let B do her thing and be there if - when - A upsets her.

She sounds mentally unwell of course, and I am pretty sure from the sound of it that her animosity towards you that it's better you stay away from this situation. B too, but she has to find that out for herself.

What a disturbing thing to do to B (because that is what it is - something she has chosen to do to B).

Poor B.

ineedaholidaynow Mon 08-Apr-19 18:25:37

Do your parents know anything?

lyralalala Mon 08-Apr-19 18:26:10

You wouldn't be at all unreasonable to cut A out. However, you would be completely unreasonable to try and persuade B to deal with it in any way other than how she wants too.

cobblett36 Mon 08-Apr-19 18:26:33

So sorry for your familys loss.

I think A made it up for attention to draw the familys attention away from B. I'm close to someone whose sister has done similar, when her exDh was being sentenced for domestic violence, she rushed herself to A & E experiencing stomach pains as she was in the first trimester then later admitted she preferred it when my friend wasn't allowed to speak to their parents because the attention was all on her.
I dont always think these things link back to mental health and being unwell, some people are just attention seekers and can't stand to see other people getting the love they think should be for them.

CherryClarence Mon 08-Apr-19 18:27:06

So agree with @Whatsername7 - I would ask outright 'are you pregnant?'

Ask if you can see the 12 week scan photo which you say you haven't seen. Ask if the nuchal fold and heartbeat were all okay. It's a bit personal however nothing my own sister didn't ask me. It's easy to say 'I'm pregnant' but people tend to trip up over the small stuff.

I would open up to her and if you still suspect (and are 99% sure), let her know it's never too late to tell the truth.

Sorry to hear about your sister's loss flowers

Norrisskipjack Mon 08-Apr-19 18:28:55

I’m using the babies real name with B’s permission yes, she’s here with me smile not worried about being outed, plan to name change once we settle on what we want to do.

I take the point that we don’t need to do the same thing, but if we do confront her it will be me that does it not B for obvious reasons.

ScreamingLadySutch Mon 08-Apr-19 18:29:50

Investigate borderline personality disorder

PurpleDaisies Mon 08-Apr-19 18:29:59

Aren’t you worried sister A will turn up on this thread? That would be a dramatic update....

Or this could end up in the daily mail?

QuimReaper Mon 08-Apr-19 18:31:56

How extraordinary!

It's funny that you say you smelt a rat already - I've always said there's something about fabrications which smells fishy even when there's nothing specifically suspect about them. Even with small, incidental lies, people can quite often sense untruth, it's like a sixth sense.

Nameusernameuser Mon 08-Apr-19 18:32:30

First of all, I'm so sorry for the loss of your niece flowers
I would ask sister A out right. There's really no other way.

justthecat Mon 08-Apr-19 18:32:56

I’d absolutely take a step back and avoid contact with her for the foreseeable . It’s pure nastiness what she has done.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone Mon 08-Apr-19 18:34:46

Do you think that she is planning a "pregnancy loss" so she can get the same level of sympathy and attention that B received?

This was my first though too. Your sister is a bloody saint to be even considering still talking to A after everything she has been through. Me personally I would cut her off I could not forgive such a horrendous and hurtful lie.

BitchPeas Mon 08-Apr-19 18:35:45

I do agree it sounds like she was going to fake a late loss for the attention.

Have you told your parents? I have 3 DDs and if one had done what A has done to B, I would be apocalyptic with rage.

Norrisskipjack Mon 08-Apr-19 18:36:05

Cant say I’m really concerned about saving A’s blushes at all right now, no.

Our parents know A has said she’s pregnant, we’re going to see them both at the weekend so plan to explain the rest to them then once we have a clear picture (B’s reason for wanting to know more) or when we can tell them they’re not getting another grandchild in person (my reason for waiting) sad

SandyY2K Mon 08-Apr-19 18:36:10

If this was my sister, I'd pay a visit or arrange to meet up with her and encourage her to get help.

I'd make it very clear I knew she was faking the pregnancy.

InspectorClouseauMNdivision Mon 08-Apr-19 18:36:26

Have none of you texted the GF to congratulate her? Considering they've been together for few years.

Mememeplease Mon 08-Apr-19 18:36:45

That is really cruel. There is something seriously psychologically wrong with someone who can act like this, especially with B's circumstances.

I'd be worried if you have a good relationship withy her generally and very pissed off if not.

IsAStormApporaching Mon 08-Apr-19 18:36:57

My Best friend ( now ex bestfriend) did this exact sane thing to me just after I miscarried.
I acted excited for her and showed so much intreast when it was killing me inside. When I found out it was a lie I have never been so hurt and angry in my life.

I can't imagine the pain of a sister doing this to abother sister. This is horrible.

I would need to -for my sake- sit face to face the 3 of you. Ask the questions I needed. Then cut her off completely.
What she did was cruel and selfish.

Best wishes to you and your ds

BejamNostalgia Mon 08-Apr-19 18:37:37

She’d only got to 18wks? Perfectly possible not for a partner to know @18wks

GuineaPiglet345 Mon 08-Apr-19 18:37:59

What an extremely immature and upsetting thing to do, honestly if it was me I’d cut contact and there aren’t many situations where I would cut off a family member but this is a level of selfishness I just can’t get my head around.

Sarahjconnor Mon 08-Apr-19 18:38:49

I would ask her directly.
Are you pregnant?
Put it back in her court.

Jaxinthebox Mon 08-Apr-19 18:39:06

Im so very sorry for your sisters loss, it is an awful thing to happen.

Your other sister, she is not well - but that does not excuse her behaviour. She knew exactly what she was doing. Personally, I would cut contact with her. Call her out and tell her it is despicable. Entirely up to your other sister what she wants to do. How she isnt raging and wanting to rip your lying sister a new one is beyond me.

ScreamingLadySutch Mon 08-Apr-19 18:40:09

- sorry, investigate before you do. There are certain ways to handle vulnerable people and shaming them (confront) is not a good way.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone Mon 08-Apr-19 18:43:17

There are certain ways to handle vulnerable people and shaming them (confront) is not a good way.

I certainly wouldn't be handling her with kid gloves. Vulnerable or not A knew what she was doing was wrong, it does not excuse what she did and she absolutely should be called out on that.

Her behaviour is unbelievably cruel and I don't see how the OP and B could resolve the issue without confronting her. She is hardly going to admit she is lying like previous posters have suggested she will continue this charade for as long as possible and then claim she has lost the baby when it becomes too difficult to maintain.

Mememeplease Mon 08-Apr-19 18:45:27

How on earth did she think she was ever going to get away with it? The girlfriend would have found out at some point. Presumably she would know if there was a turkey baster or alternative, involved or not.

I see why B has questions she needs answering.

The only way I can see this working going forward is if she is very, very upset about the mess she's made, and even then I'm not sure I could ever properly forgive her for what she has done to B

Chocolateisfab Mon 08-Apr-19 18:47:15

Borrow a Doppler and surprise her with it!! Make a big fuss and suggest you all have a listen in!

Southern666 Mon 08-Apr-19 18:47:52

How close are you to her girlfriend as I wonder if she could act as a go between.

Please give your sister my condolences. And what a lovely name your nice was given

Horsemenoftheaclopalypse Mon 08-Apr-19 18:48:32

What on earth must A’s girlfriend think!? 🤨

Did you show the girlfriend the texts from A at the gig?

This is highly abnormal behaviour - truly extraordinary.

Wallsbangers Mon 08-Apr-19 18:51:39

I'd ask MNHQ to edit your niece's name OP in case this gets splashed round the Mail.

Your sister is either unbelievably cruel or very unwell. I'd cut ties altogether, family shouldn't behave like that towards each other. Sorry for your loss.

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet Mon 08-Apr-19 18:51:45

Poor B. At this stage after a stillbirth, she probably feels that she's doing really well if she gets up, gets dressed and prepares some food in a day. To have to deal with this on top must be unbearably hard for her. I remember it feeling physically like that slightly stunned feeling you have when you hit your head getting into a car. And nobody was pretending to be pregnant in my family.

I almost hope that A is mentally ill (although it's really odd that she has only pretended to her family so it doesn't seem like a delusion). Because the alternative to illness is that she's a really terrible person. Although both are possible at the same time of course.

Shoefleur Mon 08-Apr-19 18:52:50

A was never going to be able to rock up with a baby so presumably she was planning to fake a miscarriage/still birth at some point. Do you think it could be an extremely misguided attempt to provide some solidarity or support to B?

CherryClarence Mon 08-Apr-19 18:53:01

@DontDribbleOnTheCarpet flowers

LucyAutumn Mon 08-Apr-19 18:56:47

Wow. I'm almost beyond words with this OP. I was thinking how cruel and tactless it was to announce it at only 6 weeks knowing your other sisters recent experience but this... if she has actually lied seems unforgivable. I feel angry for you.

Doorway Mon 08-Apr-19 18:57:01

Your sister needs help. What a sick individual.

How could she do that after her own sister suffering a loss like that? Disgusting. I would never speak to her again.

Ihatehashtags Mon 08-Apr-19 18:57:28

She has a mental health condition. No one normal lies about things that big. They don’t lie full stop really.

SharkSave Mon 08-Apr-19 18:57:35

That is unbelievably cruel. I can't even imagine what poor B has been through, to then have your own sister behave like that!

If shes in a same sex relationship, did none of you ask her what the deal was and HOW she was actually pregnant?! (I realise there absolutely are ways, sperm donor etc, just before anyone says anything!). I'd just be wondering what exactly the situation was!

pessimisticstateofperception Mon 08-Apr-19 19:01:12

Just after my children died (many years apart) I encountered a few people who did this type of thing.

My mother did everything's she could to take any focus from me and onto herself. Even telling me I was lucky to get attention.

Another in law made up a child who was stillborn, showed me a photo, told me about the funeral etc, all completely untrue.

Then just recently a guy I was seeing said he had a stillborn child and every time I talked about or looked at photos of my children, he made up bullshit story about this child and said he found it upsetting when I talked about my kids as it made him think of his.

Each and every one of them were just an attention seeking, grief vulture.

The type of person who sees the raw pain that a bereaved parent feels and has jealousy as their first emotion is completely twisted.

I would absolutely cut her off and never look back, it's a disgusting thing to do.

I'm so sorry that your family has to miss little Matilda flowers

QuimReaper Mon 08-Apr-19 19:01:41

I was wondering the same Shark - of course, the sister and her partner may not be sexually monogamous, but either the pregnancy would be planned in which case you'd think OP and family would have heard that they were trying, or it would be accidental, in which case it'd raise a lot of questions and issues about the parenting situation, which again you'd think would come up pretty quickly.

HoneysuckIejasmine Mon 08-Apr-19 19:05:03

Oh my goodness. It's hard to know what's going on but it's not good! So sorry for the loss of Matilda.

Dana28 Mon 08-Apr-19 19:08:51

If her partner was so dead set against children maybe your dsis didn't tell her

user1471590586 Mon 08-Apr-19 19:12:31

Do you have contact details for A's GF? I wonder what excuse she has given her for the lie. Surely the GF can't be very impressed with her for making that up.

CoraPirbright Mon 08-Apr-19 19:15:16

I’d be contacting the girlfriend again to get some things cleared up. Has she confronted your sister? What did she say? How did she claim this was achieved (donor/ONS....)?

The whole thing is just unspeakably awful. I am so so sorry for the loss of Matilda for your whole family flowers

Jessgalinda Mon 08-Apr-19 19:19:31

Why do you need to confront her?

You know she is lying.

Unless you are confronting in the hope of getting her help for whatever is making her do this, then, I don't see the point.

Even if B wants answers, she needs to wait until she feels able to tackle this. You confronting her on B behalf isnt really going to be productive.

kb1992 Mon 08-Apr-19 19:25:17

I don't even think I'd confront her, she's obviously lying. I would just tell your parents your suspicions and leave them to deal with her, I wouldn't be talking to her again after that. Your poor sister, so sorry for her loss

Lovingit81 Mon 08-Apr-19 19:27:35

This is just awful. Who does this?? I'm so very sorry for the loss of Matilda. If it turns out your sister was lying I would be tempted to cut her off. It seems unforgivable. I'm so sorry for your loss. X

starshollow1 Mon 08-Apr-19 19:28:50

I'm so sorry your sister B is going through this and for the awful loss of little Matilda.

I get very frustrated when people talk about others being "unwell" and throwing around different possible disorders that they may be suffering from. Sometimes people are just shit. They do unthinkable things. They are selfish. It sounds like A is most likely one of these people and deserving of no sympathy.

I'd be the thinking the same as you OP. I couldn't waste any of my time thinking about or being around A. You have the rest of your family, B and Matilda who are far more worthy.

Amongstthetallgrass Mon 08-Apr-19 19:34:03

i Can’t actially believe this could even be true. Who would even do such a thing...

Thegreymethod Mon 08-Apr-19 19:36:12

Won't She already know that you both know? Surly her girlfriend will have gone home from the event and asked her what the hell is going on and why does her sister think they're having a baby? I think the sooner you approach it the better before she can start the next stage of her lies. Hope you and your sister are ok.

Motoko Mon 08-Apr-19 19:36:33

I'm so sorry for your family's loss. flowers

I really think you need to speak to your parents now. If you leave it until the weekend, A might speak to them about it first, and twist it somehow, to make you and B the bad guys.

Also, I don't think it's fair to let them carry on thinking they're going to have another grandchild, for a moment longer.

I wouldn't have anything more to do with A, and I don't think your nice sister should either.

Norrisskipjack Mon 08-Apr-19 19:38:07

A’s girlfriend is lovely but I don’t know her well enough to have messaged her to congratulate her seporately. I haven’t messaged her outside of the group chat with A ever, I could though.

A said GF had had a change of heart and they’d got pregnant first try with a sperm donor. This in itself was cruel to say because B took 2 years to conceive her first and over a year with DN2, then well over a year again with Matilda.

B and I have just had a long chat about it and we’ve agreed B will ask her directly is she’s pregnant. B has tried calling her but she hasn’t picked up so we FB messaged to ask her to give B a call but she’s seen the message and not responded.

I still don’t agree and don’t think it’s going to achieve anything, but B is clutching on to the hope that she is pregnant but hasn’t told GF because she’s cheated with a man. I know from GF’s reaction when I told her that this isn’t true but B didn’t see that so she’s still slightly hopeful.

IamPickleRick Mon 08-Apr-19 19:40:55

I’d make 100% certain that your parents know this is a lie before she gets to them. Because she may fake a loss imminently now she knows you know, and shift attention from B, and your poor unsuspecting parents will treat her with the same sympathy and compassion as they did B. And if you then say “actually mum, it was all a lie” after she has faked a loss, it could cause a huge argument and make them antagonistic to you, thinking you are being cruel to even suggest A would lie about a stillbirth. How can you say something like that at such a time etc etc.

Bringbackthestripes Mon 08-Apr-19 19:46:43

I really think you need to speak to your parents now. If you leave it until the weekend, A might speak to them about it first, and twist it somehow, to make you and B the bad guys.

^I agree.
Such a twisted thing for A to do given sister B’s tragedy. And to announce it (even if it had been real) so soon after her loss. Sister B is more forgiving than I would be

MarieIVanArkleStinks Mon 08-Apr-19 19:47:56

It's entirely your decision as to how you deal with this, OP. Given your other sister is the one dealing with a devastating loss, her views will also need to be given foremost consideration.

I think this might very well fall into the category of unforgivable. Either that, or sister A is for whatever reason in such desperate need of the sympathy and care given to B that she's willing to go to ridiculous lengths to redirect that attention to herself. When the pregnancy didn't come to fruition after 40 weeks, I wonder how she was planning on developing the story at that point?

As her sister you'll know these things better than anyone else, because from what you've said above, I'm not sure whether this woman is one to be despised or pitied. What is for sure is that she's one to be avoided, either on a temporary basis until she seeks intervention, or permanently. She either needs help or censure; I'm not sure which.

Norrisskipjack Mon 08-Apr-19 19:50:49

That’s a really good point, she may accelerate her end game now that she’s under threat. I think we need to call our parents but I’m not sure I want to have that conversation over the phone?

Gruzinkerbell1 Mon 08-Apr-19 19:50:52

I’d wash my hands of her.

B has a very big heart to still be trying to see the best in A.

1633tonow Mon 08-Apr-19 19:52:39

If the GF is in the group chat, why didn’t she read about the pregnancy?

Littlebird88 Mon 08-Apr-19 19:57:23

is agree you need to tell your parents what's going on before she pulls a stunt and pretends she's lost the baby.
I think you need tonal a family see of you r sister A gets mental health help.

Norrisskipjack Mon 08-Apr-19 19:57:25

B is a MUCH better person than me and she’s already talking about forgiveness.

All I can feel is anger and something that feels darker than that, but B is more worried than anything.

Our feelings about this are similar to the responses on the thread actually, I’m of the opinion it’s unforgivable and I can’t have a relationship with A after this, but B is talking about her being unwell and trying to figure out the motive.

lyralalala Mon 08-Apr-19 19:58:53

If you wait to speak to your parents then she will announce she has miscarried to then before then, and possibly blame the stress of you accusing her of horrible things or causing trouble with her gf, and your parents will be put in the middle of a horrible situation as they will struggle to not support her loss at that point just in case it is real

You need to speak to them ASAP.

Norrisskipjack Mon 08-Apr-19 19:58:57

1633 different group chat. The one I’m in with her and A was last used in 2017.

SparklyMagpie Mon 08-Apr-19 19:59:31

Tbh I could see her using you both as an excuse that she's "lost" the baby from the stress of this

What an utterly horrible situation. My love to your sister

Norrisskipjack Mon 08-Apr-19 20:00:38

We’re calling our parents and explaining. Mum will be devastated sad

FoxFoxSierra Mon 08-Apr-19 20:01:00

You're in a horrible position here op, I really feel for you

Rumbletum2 Mon 08-Apr-19 20:01:23

Evil cow!! 😡

I’d cut her off.

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