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to want a good man?

(6 Posts)
TakeMeToVenice Mon 08-Apr-19 15:33:46

I wrote a post a while back about how I always seem to end up in awful relationships. My exes have either cheated on me, physically abused me and/or emotionally abused me. I'm a kind, caring person who wouldn't hurt a fly. I have a baby who I adore and live for. I've been single for a while and whilst I enjoy it (and am in no rush for a relationship), do feel lonely.

AIBU to want reassurance that I can eventually meet a lovely bloke who adores me and treats me well?

I feel so down trodden and think I genuinely believe that I don't deserve anyone decent. This is why I settle. I justify my poor choices with phrases such as 'well at least he doesn't hit me', 'at least he doesn't shout', 'he only hit me once' etc etc.

I feel like there's something wrong with me. I have had long stretches of being single, and this isn't about wanting a relationship just for the sake of it. I crave something good. I've NEVER had a healthy relationship and I feel like I never will.

Now I have a wrinkly body and a baby thrown in to the mix!

Has anyone else felt like this?

TakeMeToVenice Mon 08-Apr-19 15:41:58

Ugh don't even know why I'm writing on here about this I feel so pathetic. I'm just lonely.

CandyCreeper Mon 08-Apr-19 15:47:16

How old is your baby. Why worry about this now? if you have a history of abusive relationships I suggest concentrating on your child and not on meeting a new man.

TakeMeToVenice Mon 08-Apr-19 15:55:24

I'm not looking for a relationship right now. I don't even get out of the house on good days. I find myself obsessing over the fact that every relationship I've had has failed. That I have been in an abusive relationship more than once. It's more that I'm worried I'll end up in the same situation again. That I don't see the signs. If anything I'm avoiding men because I'm scared! Part of me thinks it'll be easier to stay single forever but I don't want that.

My baby is only 6 months, but I've been single for just under a year. I do concentrate on my child. Every inch of me does.

VladmirsPoutine Mon 08-Apr-19 16:25:52

Have you considered that you might want to do a bit of work on yourself first. I can see your self-worth, self-esteem and confidence is likely to be absolutely zero at this point. Counselling to resolve these specific issues is one way ahead - think of it like becoming healthier, more confident and astute - a natural growth, if you will.

If you continue to wallow in the past and wonder 'Why me' it's almost certain you will continue to attract these type of men.

The most important thing for you to do is to establish boundaries and don't budge so much as a millimetre from them whilst you're 'healing'. Iyswim?

TakeMeToVenice Mon 08-Apr-19 16:28:53

@VladmirsPoutine I've name changed for this but been on a few threads with you. You always give such fabulous advice. Thank you.

I think you're right. I also think counselling sounds like a very good idea, just no idea where to start regarding this!

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