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Do you cut yourself slack when on your period?

(62 Posts)
oweus Mon 08-Apr-19 10:39:36

If you are able to

I was just recently diagnosed with endometriosis and really struggle getting through periods. I constantly dread the first day of my period as I know I will be in agony.

Last Friday I had to take the day off when my period came (javelin arse in an open plan office is no joke) and coincidentally had a family friend staying with me (who is closer to my mum's age). She made comments to the effect that I'm not doing myself any favours by wallowing in self-pity etc.

"What do you think women did during the war?"

Over the weekend:
I grazed on chocolate and Nik and Naks
Ordered a couple of takeaways
Stayed in comfy clothes
Did a couple of face masks
Had several naps
Watched more episodes of 4 in a bed than I care to admit
Was a miserable cow
Self-medicated with Peroni

Obviously, I don't do this every weekend. Got a text from my mum this morning basically telling me off! Apparently, I'm young so should be out enjoying my life angry

AIBU?

What do you do to make yourself feel better (still feeling horrendous)?

Siameasy Tue 09-Apr-19 14:29:32

Yanbu
Endo sounds awful. I have fibroids and used to be unable to leave the house on day one, sometimes longer due to flooding.
I’m definitely not myself and not at my best the week before and the first few days
I seem to get baby brain on day one and very arsey the week before (DH would say every week)

Babdoc Tue 09-Apr-19 14:21:28

I never had the option of slacking off. Widowed single parent with full time job as hospital doctor. But then I never had endometriosis, so I’m certainly not criticising any patients who do need time off.

HereInMyHead Tue 09-Apr-19 14:19:24

FraAngelico- that sounds horrendous. Can you take tranexamic acid? It stops you from losing so much blood every month. Works for me. Maybe ask your GP if you haven't already do so.

AgentPeggyCarter Tue 09-Apr-19 14:14:46

Toddler just sat on my phone! Wanted to add, having endometriosis is a whole different board game and people who don’t get that can cock off. You’re in pain, be gentle on yourself.

AgentPeggyCarter Tue 09-Apr-19 14:13:29

I tend to cut myself slack the first day. I can’t take time off work (I freelance from home) but day one if I can is hot water bottle at the laptop / whatever snack food I can face eating / no exercise / early night as needed.

Otherwise I just keep on. Have PCOS and heavy periods / pain managed with co-codamol.

HBStowe Tue 09-Apr-19 14:13:03

Endometriosis is no joke, I really feel for you. I get very bad pain, but not so bad that I can’t force myself to crack on with lots of painkillers and a hot water bottle. Endo is a whole other ball game though, and I think that whatever you need to do to get you through it is fine. Lots of people don’t understand chronic illness, but it’s not like you can just choose to put it on hold while you live your life. If only that were possible!

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend Tue 09-Apr-19 14:12:48

No, I’ve just been diagnosed also, as well as an extra thick cervix, and a cervix’s length of 1.9cm, so my period pains are horrific.

However I still try and go about my everyday life as best as I can, there can be days where I am puking due to the pain, however I just try and do as much as I can.

As otherwise I would be wallowing in my own self pity party and tbh it just isn’t me.

AwkwardPaws27 Tue 09-Apr-19 14:09:12

I'm undergoing investigations for endo, have been advised to take the combined pill back-to-back to prevent periods... Except I'm now on day 15 of breakthrough bleeding. So fed up.
I don't get proper javelin arse, which sounds excruciating, but it feels tender, occasionally stabby, like I need to go constantly, plus I am oscillating between constipation and loose stools.
I'm eating whatever I want and my best friend is the sofa, I'm also having to make allowances for myself as otherwise I think I'll cry.

TheNightmareNeighbourNextDoor Tue 09-Apr-19 11:18:12

I'm with you OP - my periods are so bad I can barely get out of bed and they also make me scream.

I have endometriosis and adenomyosis.

I have seen various specialists the only thing that will "cure" me is a total hysterectomy which I am not prepared to do yet because we are trying for children.

The only thing that used to take the edge off was mefenamic acid but I've become allergic to that so whilst I'd like to be able to "pop an ibuprofen and get on with it" it just doesn't happen

So I have a tens machine, pain killers, hot water bottle, hot baths and chill out and spend the day on the sofa/in bed and I do not beat myself up about it or feel guilty!

IncrediblySadToo Mon 08-Apr-19 22:31:16

Oh come ON OP! Seriously hmm. Just put a mini tampon in, your white trousers on and cycle to work, with a swim afterwards.

🙄

Ignore your family friend (who I assume won’t be getting another invite), your ridiculously daft mother & all of the ‘I have 6 kids, 3 jobs, play tennis and don’t let a mere period stop me’.

I used to have very light periods, then went on the pill (back to back) no periods I was the tampon advert girl. But I could still understand that I was fortunate and that others had it FAR worse.

...but holy fuck, when I started having mine again they ramped up into periods from hell. They last ages (12 days) and for the heavy 2-3 days I prefer not to leave the house whenever possible. I max up the san pro to do the school run. I’m lucky I work for myself so I can arrange my day to suit me. If I have to go out it’s dark colours, changes of clothes and planned around where toilets are. My problem now though is they’re so erratic I can’t plan ahead for holidays etc.

...that’s without crippling pain, serious stomach issues, headaches, migraines or anything else. I’m lucky I don’t (yet) suffer any of those.

People who have light periods, then get ‘heavy’ periods, that actually aren’t, CAN be very judgemental because they’ve NO idea how bad it can be. Despite reading threads about it, they still don’t accept that not all periods are equal or that Endo isn’t ‘just a period’

They’re ALL safely ignored.

🌷🍫 to ALL of you who suffer badly, 🍾🥂 to some solutions!

DrCristinaYang Mon 08-Apr-19 21:54:53

Yes I definitely cut myself slack as a few days before my period and during I am super emotional, cry and need hugs from those around me blush
I also get severe cramps to the point where I vomit, feel faint and have to lie curled up in a ball.
I leak at least a couple of times per period and have big clots.
So yeah definitely don't feel guilty for allowing yourself to take it easy during that time, especially considering you suffer endometriosis which isn't just a bad period.

BillywigSting Mon 08-Apr-19 19:41:26

@Angelicinnocent that's good to hear there is at least one gp willing to listen, sometimes that's all it takes. Best of luck (and much sympathy!) to your dd. The mini pill was literally life changing for me.

Angelicinnocent Mon 08-Apr-19 19:09:02

@billy our male gp is pretty good (his wife is a sufferer) . Conversely our female gp is very much of the "everyone gets period pains, including me, but we have to live with it" type.

Unfortunately DD has some other issues with her health that have to be managed before gynae can do anything but hopefully the mini pill will help without causing more migraines.

BillywigSting Mon 08-Apr-19 18:25:51

@Angelicinnocent taking her back to gp is not a bad call but I got taken far more seriously by a sexual health clinic, the nurse I had spoken was quite cross on my behalf and phoned my gp to basically professionally bollock my gp for fobbing me off.

That may have been because the nurse was a woman and my gp was a man in his 50s, but just as a heads up, if your gp does fob her off again I would try there. There are young people's ones too and they don't just deal with stds and contraception, they can do gynea referrals too (at least mine can)

JacquesHammer Mon 08-Apr-19 15:23:02

Yes and no, but only because I've pretty much organised stuff so if I am affected there's no issue.

I'm "lucky" in that mine are only very heavy and I don't get pain. So I pretty much ensure I'm never meeting with clients on Day 1/2 which means I'm then able to carry on as normal as I work from home. I would say mine are debilitating but only in terms of logistics so much easier to deal with!

I absolutely would be taking the time necessary to be able to deal with my periods if I was in that situation.

Likethebattle Mon 08-Apr-19 14:46:34

I sympathise my periods have always been horrendously painful and heavy. I got a nice wake up call today at 4:30, cramps and soaked with a cold sweat. I had to get up to take painkillers and hot water bottle but got barely anymore sleep and have dragged myself to work doped up as much as possible! I get sontearful and irrational beforehand. A while ago I fantasised about running out in front of a car as i’d get better pain relief relief. I’ve gone home twice with it!

BarbedBloom Mon 08-Apr-19 14:35:03

I completely sympathise. I always had ok periods until one month I came on suddenly and blood literally soaked the whole leg of my jeans in the few minutes it took me to get into the building. I fainted on the bus home from the pain. They continued in this vein until I was diagnosed with PCOS. Not the same level as ending, but I had horrific pain and flooding for a few years, which in my case eased with meds and losing weight. It literally ruined everything for those few days each month.

Everyone experiences things differently and just because it is a period, doesn’t also mean it can’t be debilitating. I have RA and get some painful flares but nothing yet has come close to that terrible period that I referred to above

mirime Mon 08-Apr-19 14:25:17

Given that DH was home, I did wallow on Mother's Day as I felt horrendously rough. Crampy, bloated, IBS playing up, headachey, dropping everything I picked up.

If DH had been in work I'd have had to get on with it regardless but as he was around I curled up on the sofa with a hot water bottle and mostly buried myself in a book.

Worked from home on Monday as I didn't feel up to actually getting to the office, but felt fine to sit at my laptop and work. Actually got a lot done as well, and got to keep the chocolate biscuits just for me.

whitehalleve Mon 08-Apr-19 13:37:11

If you can and you have bad periods then you should.

I don't think I cut myself enough slack during painful periods until I gave birth and realised that giving birth was no more painful than my monthly period.

Hiddenaspie1973 Mon 08-Apr-19 13:32:46

If you can, why wouldn't you? I wouldn't begrudge you x
I've not suffered horrid periods (but a. They last 7 days and b. I'm peri so it could get ugly) but if you can take it easy, why wouldn't you?
Nothing worse than a martyr.

PinkBlueStripes Mon 08-Apr-19 13:29:04

Do what you need to do. If you have an understanding employer, more the better.

Mine are ok as got older. I do sometimes get impossibly uncomfy like my insides have been twisted up. Painkillers, heated wheatbags in the office. I also get really tired so early nights. The Cycle Diet is really good, Evening Primrose or Cod Liver oil. I get headaches if I have eaten crap the week before. Tolerance for eating crap is better in weeks one and two. Also get ridiculously tired during ovulation. Like hit by a bus tired. I just plough on with caffeine hmm

RhymingRabbit Mon 08-Apr-19 13:19:46

I have endo. On top of usual endo symptoms and tsunami in my pants I also get severe shits on day 1. Literally can't be too far from a toilet. It's better for everyone if I stay near my own toilet in my PJs.

Laying off wheat helps a bit. I also don't drink anything gassy. I know you need comfort (I couldn't get through a period without a glass of wine) but I reckon lager is probably not helping the pain. Guinness might be better??

originalbba Mon 08-Apr-19 13:03:18

Not rtft but endometriosis is a health condition not a bad period? Surely if you're suffering from pain made worse by endo you are taking days off work due to an illness, not just a menstrual period?

Terrible to minimise this. Just because a health condition is linked to a period doesn't make it any less serious.

corythatwas Mon 08-Apr-19 12:27:49

"What do you think women did during the war?"

errr...not join up for service

or if they did, not get accepted

there were men too who were not in the army due to health problems

lots of them

People have really weird ideas of what the war was actually like.

FudgeBrownie2019 Mon 08-Apr-19 12:21:55

I have endometriosis and anyone who feels they could power through it needs a kick up their arse because it is debilitating.

I also teach, and because of my endo my HT and TA both have to know the moment I start a period because they need to know there'll be emergency toilet visits far more frequently than I'd otherwise make. I don't take time off simply because I can't, but I'd never judge anyone who needed to take it easy while they were on their period.

On days when I'm on my period being at work and parenting the DC takes every ounce of my energy so I'll let things go a little and leave the gym out, leave cookery out and go to bed early. If anyone feels the need to judge that, I'm alright with it. You walk a mile in my pants and see how endo affects your life.

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