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To think im doing my kids no good

(47 Posts)
POOPOO01 Sun 07-Apr-19 22:43:10

To cut a long winded and perhaps feeling sorry for myself, story short... I just feel I am doing my 2 dc no good by not being hard enough on them. My oldest 10yrs ds just came in from being at friends and completely disregarded me when I told him not to put on his xbox as it was too late. My youngest ds 5yrs is still floating arou d with his toys and ignori g my request for him to put his pj's on and so is half naked. Me on the other hand am sick and tired of having to physically do things like drag them over put there pj's on etc. Also sick of having a mini war over xbox. Soi know that it's my fault that they have no routine and no self-discipline as neither do I but just needed to leave them for 5 mins and come and write this. I actually wish I could go back a fews years and re write myself!!!

ineedaholidaynow Sun 07-Apr-19 22:46:43

What are they like at school?

Maybe use the Easter Holidays to start to bring in a new routine for all of you? Assume you must have some routine on school days

Echobelly Sun 07-Apr-19 22:48:15

To put this in context, is it just you parenting or do you have a partner?

POOPOO01 Sun 07-Apr-19 22:50:21

Yes it's just me parenting which makes me feel even worse as though I'm living up to the bad press single mothers get these days

BrutusMcDogface Sun 07-Apr-19 22:51:46

Throw the bloody x box in the bin!

Sorry if just doesn’t help but they need consequences. My children are very hard work, so I am not claiming to be an expert, but if my son played on his console when I’d told him he couldn’t, it’d be gone.

purpleme12 Sun 07-Apr-19 22:51:57

Well my 5 year old would ignore my request for putting pyjamas if I let her. And it's not to do with how I've been with her I don't think. I don't think I'm lax in that department.

She just doesn't want to do it. I've got to supervise, find a way to make her, stand by

Redcliff Sun 07-Apr-19 22:52:01

With the 10 year old I would say "it needs to be off by the time I count to 3 or no screen time tomorrow " and stick to it. In fact same with the 5 year old and his pjs

BrutusMcDogface Sun 07-Apr-19 22:54:03

(lose it temporarily, perhaps, rather than actually throw it in the bin!😆)

Goldmandra Sun 07-Apr-19 22:57:21

Remove the xbox controllers for a start and don't make them available on school nights.

Then just start meaning what you say.

When the five year old needs to put his PJs on, give him a two minute countdown then take him to his room and keep him on task. Don't entertain the idea of returning to his toys - it just isn't an option. Do the same every night until he realises it's just routine, won't change whatever he does and there's no point in trying anything on.

The key is to make sure it's easier to do what you're asked than to mess about. At the moment that's not the case.

It's hard work being consistent but you have to do it. Every time you aren't properly engaged and following through, you put things back miles.

No more leaving them for five minutes unless they are both definitely doing what they are meant to be and wouldn't dream of stopping just because you're not looking.

Be honest with yourself - are you giving your children attention when they are being well behaved or do you just look up from your phone now and then to tell them off. If that's the issue, you know exactly what you need to do.

itsnotso Sun 07-Apr-19 23:02:44

Your 10 year old has just come in? At 10:30? Blimey! My 10yo is fast asleep by 8:30 😳

Fairyjuice Sun 07-Apr-19 23:08:26

Your 5yo is still floating around at almost 11pm on a Sunday night? shock

I agree with pps, be firm and consistent. Establish a good routine and stick to it. Give an ultimatum, count to 3, stick to punishment.

Hide the bloody xbox in the attic.

Good luck with it op!

frasersmummy Sun 07-Apr-19 23:10:23

The best advice I got was sit your 10 year old down.. Agree rules and consequences. Eg here it is shouting.. Off for an hour. Throwing... Off for 3 days.
If its written down agreed with your child then you dont need to think about what you are going to do. Both you and your child know what happens if the disobey you

Greeborising Sun 07-Apr-19 23:11:32

You sound absolutely worn down op.
It’s hard going on your own
Try and find the strength to tackle these issues cos you CAN make changes, you need to be firm and consistent.
The 10yo xbox business is fairly straight forward.
I’ve said no, it’s 10.45pm, give me the Xbox now or you won’t be seeing it for 2 days.
Light off.
With your 5yr old running around half starkers, well, 5yo should have been in bed 4hrs ago.
Try the old in bed, story, cuddle, “I love you”, lights out.
First time out of bed “I love you darling, back to bed”
2nd time” back to bed”
3rd time (and any subsequent times) silence, just put him back in his bed.
I really don’t mean to be patronising here op, and I know it’s easy written down and so hard to do in real life when when you’re on your own.
Just wanted to wish you good luck.
Don’t give up, the rewards are worth it!

IvanaPee Sun 07-Apr-19 23:13:43

Bed time is way too late.

I have a no tech rule until Friday and Saturday with occasional days in between (rainy, sick, bad day days).

Do they have a lot of sugar in their diet?

My three have set times for bedtime reading/teeth brushing/lights out. Youngest has alarms as he has AS and the structure helps.

It won’t be fixed overnight but consistency is key. Good luck!

Nousernameforme Sun 07-Apr-19 23:14:26

5 year old has to start changing by the time you count down from five or gets a time out. 10 year old at the end of his match or next save point etc turns it off or loses it for the week.

Stick to it

Doorway Sun 07-Apr-19 23:15:54

Get rid of the x box if it’s causing problems.

Families are being ripped apart by screens and games consoles!

user1473878824 Sun 07-Apr-19 23:16:20

Oh love. Stop requesting things! Why is he back so late?? Take away the XBox. It’s a treat, not a right. He’s going to bed. Lights off. That’s it. You’re on you’re on and it’s tough, but I think you have to start being a dictator here.

LeekMunchingSheepShagger Sun 07-Apr-19 23:20:19

Your 10 year old has just come in? At 10.30 on a Sunday night? How did he get home?

My 11 year old has been asleep since 9. The latest she has ever been at a friends (apart from sleep overs) is 7pm. At the age of 5 she was fast asleep by 7.30.

You are the parent; time to start parenting.

vintanner Sun 07-Apr-19 23:26:04

You need to start putting your foot down NOW.

You are the adult, they are 10 and 5 years old! I can't believe you're 10 year old has been out so late AND your 5 year old is still awake. It will only get worse if you don't get some rules in place and you will need consequences if the rules aren't adhered to. Write them down, put them on the wall and stick to it. You will also need to think of some rewards too, day's out, games, etc.

Get the lads on 'your' side, get them helping you, make it fun.

Purplecatshopaholic Sun 07-Apr-19 23:26:09

Tech in the bin, or at least a hiding place where you let them access it when you want. Set rules and stick to them. Jeezo

quizqueen Sun 07-Apr-19 23:27:37

Take the fuse out of the plug; he won't have a clue what's wrong with it.

avamiah Sun 07-Apr-19 23:33:05

LeekMunching,
Yes it’s a Sunday but it is also the Easter Holidays so it’s not as if they have school tomorrow .My 9 year old finished school last Friday so she didn’t go to bed till 10.15 pm.

Incywincybitofa Sun 07-Apr-19 23:36:29

My 10 year old is in bed by 830
My 5 year old by 715
I'd say tackle your bed time first you need a couple of hours in the evening to do little jobs and unwind
That will help you fight the other battles looming

ineedaholidaynow Sun 07-Apr-19 23:36:38

It’s not the Easter Holidays everywhere but hopefully it is where the OP lives

Coyoacan Sun 07-Apr-19 23:37:12

Good advice here, but we all blow it as parents at times.

However if they do not get enough sleep, they are ten times as difficult.

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