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Depressed mum

(9 Posts)
magnatis Sun 07-Apr-19 22:38:10

I think my mum is depressed (I know this makes me look like a cow but I haven't got time for it sad
I have infant twins and they are hard work. I love being their mum but you have to be on the ball. I haven't got time for it. Her complaining etc. AIBU? I feel like I don't want to see her as regularly because our relationship is strained. She's not happy in her work, and also other areas. Always complaining. I know that's what I'm also doing on here - complaining, but am I being an unreasonable cow to think this? It's heartbreaking because I want a relationship with her , she's my mum. I want to make myself feel better because when I don't my kids suffer. Thanks

BeanJen Sun 07-Apr-19 22:50:05

Do you have the kind of relationship where you can sit down with her and have an honest frank chat with her about this?
If it was my mum I would open a bottle of wine and tell her what was on my mind.

BeanJen Sun 07-Apr-19 22:51:23

Also I don't believe you are being unreasonable if any relationship is putting unwelcome strain on you it's important to see what can be done to remedy the situation your kids need to come first.

magnatis Sun 07-Apr-19 22:54:01

I've told her. She just starts crying and says that I shouldn't tell the truth and that it hurts.

BeanJen Sun 07-Apr-19 22:59:19

Hmmm. Tough one. Is there anything you feel you could help her do? Book her an activity to make her new friends or something? Does she like being a grandma could you pretend like you really need her help with something to maybe give her a bit more purpose? If you think she's genuinely depressed she needs a doctor, if she really just one of those people who enjoys being miserable I would just tell her when she starts moaning 'no, we're being positive today' and try and switch off to it. Maybe she'll get the hint?

BeanJen Sun 07-Apr-19 23:00:39

If it was your friend I would say drop her, but it's your mum. I'm sure you guys can work it out!

cudbywestrangers Sun 07-Apr-19 23:04:35

My mum has been depressed for 10+ years and it's really tough. I also don't have the emotional energy to deal with it really and get fed up of the same conversations about how dreadful everything is (asking how are you always gets a long winded answer about everything that was alongside about last Tuesday or whatever) and the complete refusal/ inability to do anything that might make things better (like stay on the antidepressants that do help and don't cause side effects. Or get some cbt/ counselling) does my head in.

Depression is a horrible condition but it's also very difficult to provide support yo someone who is depressed. I'm not even sure that having the same conversations over and over again is actually helpful. I had fairly frank words with my mum at new year but don't think it's made any difference. So no advice just solidarity. It's nice to know I'm not the only one in this boat!

magnatis Mon 08-Apr-19 06:47:27

I think she likes being grandma but she spends so much time worrying and stressing about other things that she doesn't have time to do anything fun or just moans when we do meet.

cudbywestrangers Fri 12-Apr-19 19:37:55

I think the best thing you can do is try and encourage her to see her gp about her mental health- some treatment could make a massive difference- it does for my mum (but for some reason she stops the tablets and then is miserable again!!)

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