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To be cross with DH

(88 Posts)
JamieFrasersSassenach Sun 07-Apr-19 21:44:05

Name change here as this could be very outing.
DS 11 has just had his appendix out - got sick thurs night/fri morning, took him to GP fri morning, in hospital at 1.30pm friday. DH came to hospital with us on Fri, I stayed overnight - very little sleep as DS poorly and general childrens ward noise. DH back early Saturday morning with supplies.
DS operated on Sat morning, all went well. DH insisted he would stay Sat night at hospital - I checked several times if he was absolutely sure as I would have been happy to do so.
DS really suffering with nausea from anaesthesia and severe pain from air trapped inside (normal for laparoscopic procedure) DS gets quite panicky with pain and was very tearful about the pain - I am very calm in these situations and believe he needs to be reassured but allowed to express his pain. DH gets very uptight though and tells DS not to get in a state and to calm down. DS asks me to stay as long as possible.
I left the ward at 9.30pm Sat night once DS was asleep and was back there 9.30am Sun morning.
DH didn't get any sleep because another parent on the ward was snoring and a sick baby was crying.

DS discharged around 11.30am, we come home. DH flakes out (totally understandable). Around 2pm DS shoulder is really hurting where the air is trapped, his wounds from the op are hurting, he's been asleep and overdue painkillers so gets really panicky about the pain and is crying/shouting about it. I am trying to soothe him and reassure him that it's ok, it will get better etc etc.
DH gets the right arse and, imo, is telling DS off for getting so upset.
I get cross with DH, who storms off and I think slams a door.
5 minutes later DH is back saying he passed out (he is quite good at fainting) and it's all my fault because I shouted him down, and then starts effing. All in front of DS, who I am still trying to help calm down. I can feel DS getting upset again so say to him very calmly, calm down it's ok.
DH then storms out, drives to the shop to get peppermints for DS (to help with dispersing the trapped air).
By the time he comes back DS is asleep.
I begin to say to DH that I'm not happy with the way he spoke to me or DS earlier, only to be told how cross DH is with me, and how useless I have made him feel, he then goes and sulks/falls asleep and has been in bed ever since.
So, if you've made it this far - well done! AIBU to feel cross with him?

SnuggyBuggy Sun 07-Apr-19 21:47:39

YANBU, a sick child is bad enough without your DH acting like one too

MiniEggAddiction Sun 07-Apr-19 21:50:37

YANBU he sounds more like a sulky younger sibling than a parent. I think you were doing just the right thing with DS.

TheChiefBMS Sun 07-Apr-19 21:54:32

Your DH behaved like a big baby. YANBU.

Newmumma83 Sun 07-Apr-19 22:00:30

yeah I would be letting loose in my husband right about now... he had he same panicking issue as son just shows it differently... you would have thought it may make him more understanding and sympathetic

Mrsbclinton Sun 07-Apr-19 22:00:33

Your DH sounds like another child, thats the last thing you need right now.
Your poor DS, hope he is feeling better soon.

junebirthdaygirl Sun 07-Apr-19 22:05:32

When everyone is tired and overwrought it's all about survival. Keep quiet until everyone has had some sleep and see how things are then. Years ago children were kept in hospital for a few days to rest so that pain would be gone. I know what it's like as had it on gall bladder op. Crucifying. Keep calm and hopefully tomorrow will be a better day.

Supercuts Sun 07-Apr-19 22:08:22

180. Absolutely ignore him until he stops wanting more attention than a hospitalised child. He sounds horrible.

mumwon Sun 07-Apr-19 22:20:45

if you can persuade ds to drink it -peppermint tea or peppermint cordial (in hot water) the hot water helps as much as the peppermint (like many people with IBS I use it don't like it much but it does help)

Poloshot Sun 07-Apr-19 22:26:42

What a wetter your DH sounds

Cherrysoup Sun 07-Apr-19 22:42:44

Why is your dh acting like a child? Pathetic. I’d have fuck all sympathy for him. What an idiot to behave like tha in front of your ds. Is he usually so lacking in empathy?

lablablab Sun 07-Apr-19 22:45:45

Your poor DS. I'd be absolutely fuming with your 'D'H! He sounds like a spoilt man baby!

JamieFrasersSassenach Sun 07-Apr-19 22:57:01

Thank you all for reassuring me that I'm not BU. DH is a fab father usually, he is very caring and a real hands on Dad. I'll put this down to exhaustion on his part, but once he is awake tomorrow I will have a word about how his 'approach' came across, and about how this is not about him! It has really peed me off but then I am tired, and emotional and not looking forward to 2 weeks at home with a sick child......

mumwon - thank you, we are doing the peppermint cordial and a hot water bottle on the painful shoulder x

DontdoitDoris Mon 08-Apr-19 06:27:56

He fainted because you shouted at him ?
Is he a rather precious Victorian lady ?😂
My eyes would get stuck they rolled back so far !

shakenfizzydrink Mon 08-Apr-19 06:39:26

Your poor son. Not only has he had surgery but he's in pain and scared, and he gets yelled at. There's something not right with your dh.

Bookworm4 Mon 08-Apr-19 06:44:23

he's good at fainting
What did I just read about a grown ass man?
He sounds pathetic!

Shoxfordian Mon 08-Apr-19 06:48:04

Yeah he sounds like a great father hmm
He's acting like a spoilt child

Namestheyareachangin Mon 08-Apr-19 06:55:06

When you say he's "rather good at fainting" what do you mean? Does he frequently faint (if so has he seen a doctor about this??). It does he fake it when people don't pander to him? If (a) then he's a man baby but should get himself checked out. If (b), he's a man baby and abusive to boot.

But yes, any dad whose response to their child being in pain is telling them to man up is not a good dad.

fecketyfeck21 Mon 08-Apr-19 06:56:29

when does he faint normally ? is it a stress reaction, a medical reason or attention seeking ?

Innocentinfamy Mon 08-Apr-19 07:00:59

DontdoitDoris that made me properly laugh! grin

DH needs to check himself. Upset, scared, poorly child in pain trumps inconvenienced tired parent who is old enough to know better

Maybe just remind him that DS's emotional welfare is just as important as his physical
flowers

GemmeFatale Mon 08-Apr-19 07:06:48

Should your DH be driving if he faints so easily?

AuntieCJ Mon 08-Apr-19 07:10:36

What a prick.

kateandme Mon 08-Apr-19 07:13:57

if hes fainting due to stressful situations he needs help but also if he does then he should understand more so how your ds reacts to pain or stress badly.

Memeface Mon 08-Apr-19 07:15:55

Omg....a fainting husband! Next time you argue, make sure that you get in first. A slow coiling to the ground, while a soft groan escapes your lips.

Ohtherewearethen Mon 08-Apr-19 07:17:30

I think he perhaps realises himself how useless he's being and is obviously very worried and taking it out on you. Absolutely no excuse. Someone has to keep it together for your son. When he wakes up see if he mentions it and has realised what an arse he was. Otherwise, bring it up with him for sure.

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