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To need a father figure

(2 Posts)
softheart Sun 07-Apr-19 20:43:18

I grew up without a dad at home. I did see my dad throughout my childhood, but it hasn't been an easy relationship and I have been working through some very deep hurt in the last year or so. I haven't seen him for quite a while. I have never had a father figure to speak of. I never knew my dad's dad, and don't have a relationship with any of my uncles. My mum's dad has been very kind to me, but there was always an emotional distance so I wouldn't say we have a particularly close relationship. There haven't been any other men in my life.
I'm now in my twenties, but I know that I have a deep longing to have that relationship with somebody. I want someone to hold me close and to tell me that they're proud of me and that they love me. To see me as a kind of daughter. A man that I can trust. I'm not sure what the point of my post is. I just wish I could have that relationship.

KellyW88 Sun 07-Apr-19 23:21:59

flowers for you OP.

My Father was completely absent in my formative years, my Mum was sort of in and out of my life sporadically and it rarely ended happily when she was around. But I had my GP’s, who were alcoholics and loved to argue, but despite that flaw tried their best for us - even if their best wasn’t always that nice! I lost my GF when I was young and so my Father Figure left my life, since then I yearned for that connection again - not the same I know but I feel I can relate to your post in some small measure.

I’m now 30 and got back into contact with my Father when I fell pregnant with my twins when I was 29, mainly for medical history purposes. We tried to develop a relationship and we still speak, but it’s like, well talking to a stranger, he’s not exactly the sort to dole out praise for anything either so our relationship is sort of stuck in a slightly awkward friendship.

Not the happiest story but it’s not sad either, my DH will always sing my praises when he feels he ought to, usually about how great a Mum I am to our twins - I’m not usually great at accepting this praise though.

But through my experiences I realised that what I wanted from one source, ie My Dad, could be fulfilled healthily through other endeavours and relationships. I get on really well with my Mum now and I get to talk to her about things I wished I could tell a parent. My DH’s Dad is a very good listener and will even listen to me moan on occasion about said DH and he does so fairly. My DH is generally a kind, supportive, loving man (we’ve had our moments though don’t get me wrong!), but most importantly, I’m proud of me.

My own experience is just that, mine, but I wish you happiness OP and just wanted to say it. You aren’t alone xx

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