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AIBU to stop bf my ten month old during the night?

(28 Posts)
Overthinker33 Sun 07-Apr-19 20:01:29

He doesn’t eat huge portions in the day as I suspect he’s filling up on milk. I am thinking of going cold turkey with the night feeds. I feel suffocated by bf. He still feeds up to 6 times in the day too and several times in the night. I want to wean off breast totally close to one year.

Sexnotgender Sun 07-Apr-19 20:02:28

YANBU. He shouldn't need a feed overnight at that age.

Chocolateisfab Sun 07-Apr-19 20:03:58

I stopped at 9 mo due to complete sleep deprivation - he was feeding for a few mins 5/6 times a night.
Sent dh in with a bottle the first night, had an oz and slept through!! Second night dh offered water. Had none. And slept through. Third night ds slept 7-7 and has done ever since.. He is 4. 5 and loves his bed!

Overthinker33 Sun 07-Apr-19 20:06:31

Thank you. I also need to stop feeding to sleep. I know there will be a lot of crying. Any advice?

Singlenotsingle Sun 07-Apr-19 20:07:49

Just stop. He's old enough. He'll get over it and you need some sleep.

Chocolateisfab Sun 07-Apr-19 20:08:15

There was no crying! Dh laid ds back down, no talking, bit of shh shh and out in seconds.

Ragwort Sun 07-Apr-19 20:09:19

Have you got a DP, get him to do the bed times. Maybe it’s a bit late now but I avoided the ‘feeding to sleep’ all together, my DS soon learned to self settle but it’s going to be harder if you've always fed him to sleep.

Overthinker33 Sun 07-Apr-19 20:14:58


That’s amazing - this would never be the case for me. We have tried, he’s cried and cried. Teething and 8-10 month regression have delayed my efforts...or is there never a right time?

crispysausagerolls Sun 07-Apr-19 20:17:55

I would like DS to stop bf at night too but he bedshares and I think it’s practically impossible as he smells the milk on me - good luck!!!

Thehop Sun 07-Apr-19 20:19:24

I’m just night weaning a 2.5 year old using dr jay gordons no cry method

Overthinker33 Sun 07-Apr-19 20:19:27

I also bedshare but intend to get baby out of bed at same time as night weaning etc

Whatsername7 Sun 07-Apr-19 20:19:46

There is never a right time. With the feeding to sleep thing, lots of bottle fed babies feed to sleep too. Only drop that bf if it is one you want to drop. It isnt the end of the world if they feed to sleep at bed time and shouldn't interfere with night weaning. Good luck!

Orangedaisy Sun 07-Apr-19 20:21:29

Yanbu but I wish you luck. We sent dp in for 2 weeks running and it took him over an hour to settle multiple times a night. Dd still woke up. We gave up and I am still bf at night at over 2. It’s just less stress.

Overthinker33 Sun 07-Apr-19 20:21:52

But will he get through sleep cycles and sleep better if still being fed to sleep? I don’t want to night wean and make him cry and then have to train again to get him to self settle...

villainousbroodmare Sun 07-Apr-19 20:23:05

I'm at exactly the same point except that DD will cry until she vomits everywhere so I don't really know what to do. We both had two complete clothes and bedding changes and an extra bath last night. It's tough. I'm trying to bf till drowsy then rock but I'm almost afraid to let her cry as she gets desperate so quickly. Her twin brother is a doddle by comparison.

Overthinker33 Sun 07-Apr-19 20:24:14

Oh I’m so sorry that sounds awful. I resent bf now, I feel like I’m neglecting my older dc as feeding to sleep for naps takes ages and then da doesn’t sleep for long...all day they fight for my attention. I want to wear normal clothes and be able to go out on my own for more than two hours. Haven’t had an evening to myself for 10 months. Wakes all Eve and night

Mrscog Sun 07-Apr-19 20:26:09

Have you got a DP? They will need to be very hands on. Our method was that DH went in repeatedly with a beaker and for cuddles. First night was 2 hours of on and off crying, going in, saying Mummy's asleep and me pretending to sleep when he brought them in to show them (this was an effective thing to do - they were much more accepting when they saw I was asleep although they were more like 13/14 months so had more understanding.)

Second night - rinse and repeat DH, beaker, cuddles - 20 mins of crying etc.

Third night - slept through ever since.

DH stayed with them when they were crying by the way before anyone tries to crucify me for CIO.

ChangeyMcChangeChange Sun 07-Apr-19 20:26:35

My baby has (mostly) slept through since about 10 months when we did some gentle night weaning. She is 19 months now. I still do bedtime and a feed the vast majority of evenings (sometimes she feeds to sleep and sometimes not). However she was in her own cot in her own room since about seven months. So it is possible (in my experience) to feed to sleep and night wean but I think it's a lot easier when they are in their own cot (I still feed her for her naps at the weekend too!)

Jackshouse Sun 07-Apr-19 20:28:10

My formula feed baby still needed milk over night at 13 months.

WallyTheWasher Sun 07-Apr-19 20:31:05

Yanbu. Wish I’d given up earlier. They wake up to have boob. I gave up at 18m but should’ve done so earlier.
When we gave up, DD stayed at Mils and with daddy (I worked nights which helped). She never asked for boob with them (obv) and didn’t wake much.
It sounds easy but I just said no, comforted and cuddled and she got over it. She was older of course but my friend did the same at a year and he got over it v quickly
I was guilt tripped by the attachment parenting type stuff into going on so long I think

Overthinker33 Sun 07-Apr-19 20:31:30

Yes I have a dp, he is happy to help and very supportive. Thanks everyone I guess we just need to bite the bullet

PhilomenaButterfly Sun 07-Apr-19 20:32:29

YANBU. Offer water.

Langrish Sun 07-Apr-19 20:33:35

Of course you’re not BU. If he’s eating well during the day, he doesn’t need night feeds any more (excluding any medical issues). It’s tough, he won’t like it, mine didn’t, but please don’t beat yourself up. Daughter’s 24 and a strapping, healthy lass (took 3 months with her) and former underweight 1-8 year old son is now 16 and 6ft 2 (he was much quicker, took 2 weeks to learn to settle alone at about 10 months).

It’s really tough on you all emotionally, he doesn’t want to give up the comfort of falling off to sleep with mum but I promise you in 3 months you’ll all be happier and well rested. A couple of weeks of bedtimes with dad may well do it.
And well done for bf for 10 months, not always easy.

AmIRightOrAMeringue Sun 07-Apr-19 20:38:33

Hi OP my baby was 7 months and slept on my bed and woke every 90 min to feed. She literally ate a tsp of food in the day. We sleep trained with the disappearing chair method, I was still planning to feed 2x a night but she actually started sleeping through on the second day, and the change in the day time in terms of how much
she ate and how much more she took each milk feed, was unbelievable. So no yanbu

Overthinker33 Sun 07-Apr-19 20:38:40

Thank you langrish. It’s really not easy, I almost wish I’d offered boob and formula from the start so that I would have more options now. Bf my first was hard but ok, having two is a game changer

ethelfleda Sun 07-Apr-19 20:49:02

Of course YANBU if that’s what you want to do.

I will say this though - DS is 17 months and still feeds over night and sometimes to sleep (although not always) I thought about night weaning and decided not to - yes I’m shattered sometimes but I’m glad I still have that for when he is teething - we have had molars come up recently and I honestly don’t know how any of us would have gotten any rest if I was still bf’ing and co-sleeping. I’m just going to wait until he grows out of it as they’re only small for so long...but mine may be a better sleeper than yours and I’ve only got one!
It also helped us that from when he was little - whilst I would feed him to sleep his dad would rock him. Now his Dad always puts him down at night and he doesn’t need to feed to sleep anymore.

ethelfleda Sun 07-Apr-19 20:49:51

That should say we wouldn’t have gotten any rest if I WASNT still bfing and co-sleeping!

ethelfleda Sun 07-Apr-19 20:51:41

And with regards to food, according to Kellymom website when they’re around 12 months, they should still be getting 50% of their calories from milk and only 50% from solid food so I wouldn’t worry too much about the not eating much food during the day - and don’t forget, they don’t ‘need’ milk over night for food but for comfort.

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