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AIBU?

Help!

48 replies

bubblesthree · 07/04/2019 19:27

My boyfriends brother is really getting on my nerves.

Firstly he's been in a relationship for 2 minutes and already he's talking about extravagant wedding proposals and showing me engagement rings he's planning on buying her worth 9 grand.
The thing is, its not this thats actually bothering me because I am actually genuinely happy for him its how he's saying these things to me. Its coming across like he's in some sort of competition with me and my boyfriend, and he alway's has to do one better than us or portray his relationship to be better than ours - which is absolutely ridiculous.

At the end of the day this is my boyfriends brother - there is absolutely no competition on our part, we just want nothing but the best for him and it upsets me that he's behaving this way.

Here are a few examples of what he's like:

I'll be discussing the fact I'd love to get married but due to our current finances we just wouldn't be able to afford it as of yet - he then proceeds to show me a 9 grand engagement ring that he's planning on buying his girlfriend.

ill tell him money is tight and straight after he'll tell me how him and his girlfriend are on a huge wage between them and starts showing me all the mansions they can buy.

books the same hotel as me and my boyfriend did but tells me he's booked the most expensive room there.

discussing baby names and he says 'lets face it me and * will be having kids before you two!" - which is massively insensitive. What if me and my partner couldn't actually have babies?

There is so many more but I'll be here all day. Its really getting to me at the moment and I don't really know how I deal with this? Can someone advise?

OP posts:

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Keepaddingpets · 07/04/2019 19:28

Honestly? You sound jealous of him.

bubblesthree · 07/04/2019 19:31

fair enough ...

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greyby25 · 07/04/2019 19:33

It does sound like you might be jealous of him but that's natural I suppose, but it would grate on me and I don't think you're the only person this kind of thing would annoy, I don't think your being unreasonable, different things annoy different people x

Kattyy · 07/04/2019 19:35

Really, Keeppaddingpets? You are the kinda twat I have no time for on social gatherings...

bubblesthree · 07/04/2019 19:37

I can understand why someone might say I'm jealous but I can only tell you I'm not but I get how it might come across.
All I can say is you would just have to be there during the conversations because you just couldn't write it.

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CheshireChat · 07/04/2019 19:38

Just say something like 'yes, yes, you have a lot of money, we know'.

Keepaddingpets · 07/04/2019 19:38

@Kattyy Why? I was only stating what I read from the situation. I didn't say the OP was BU to feel that way just that she sounded jealous.

greyby25 · 07/04/2019 19:38

Reading it again I think he sounds like a pain in the arse who is trying to get on you're nerves, he would really annoy me. Have you spoke to ur boyfriend about him ? Does he annoy your boyfriend ? X

greyby25 · 07/04/2019 19:39

*your

bubblesthree · 07/04/2019 19:40

@keepaddingpets if I was jealous I would just say - this is anonymous at the end of the day so I'd have nothing to loose.
I'm just after advice on how I deal with it! I wouldnt be writing in if this was just simply abit of jealously like he's seriously on another scale!

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TripleSeptic · 07/04/2019 19:40

Let him paddle his own canoe, and stop telling him stuff. You're giving him ammunition to use on YOU. stop it!!

bubblesthree · 07/04/2019 19:40

lose*

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SnowyAlpsandPeaks · 07/04/2019 19:41

If my boyfriends brother was telling me he could afford mansions when I was skint, I would be green eyed as they come! Just being honest 🤷🏻‍♀️

sweeneytoddsrazor · 07/04/2019 19:42

Why are you discussing your finances with him? Find something different to talk about

bubblesthree · 07/04/2019 19:42

@greyby25 Ive spoken to my boyfriend and he agrees its very odd but the thing is his brother only ever says these things to me its never to him so he won't be able to understand it as much. I suppose I'm too nice to him I should just tell him how I feel but most of the time I just smile and nod but in my head I'm like WTF!

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SnowyAlpsandPeaks · 07/04/2019 19:42

Actually I am skint, and I don’t know him, but I am jealous....

bubblesthree · 07/04/2019 19:43

@sweeneytoddsrazor - its my boyfriends brother he knows our current situation. I don't go into details with my finances but he knows I'm a student and my boyfriend is just starting out in his career so money is going to be tight.

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TestingTestingWonTooFree · 07/04/2019 19:43

It’s a shame money can’t buy diplomacy, modesty or people skills. Twat.

bubblesthree · 07/04/2019 19:44

@snowyalpsandpeaks - haha im more just like why are you saying these things?!? Theres ways of saying it isn't there. If someone tells you there skint you don't start talking about how much money you and your girlfriend are on straight after! its just so odd - I can't even explain!!

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bubblesthree · 07/04/2019 19:45

@testingtestingwontoofree completely agree!

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BoglingToAswad · 07/04/2019 19:46

I don't think you sound jealous at all, and I can only imagine people have said that because they put too put value on money (much like your future BIL).

I know it's easier said than done, but you just have to let it wash over you. Money is just not what is important in a relationship or in life, and if he feels the need to bang on about it there is probably something missing for him.

Twizzleegg · 07/04/2019 19:48

He's a toppa... He has to top you... I always play a game with people like this. I try to imagine more and more extreme things to see how they can top it.
Usually it's because they're jealous of you, not the other way around.

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sweeneytoddsrazor · 07/04/2019 19:48

He may know your circumstances but that doesnt mean you have to discuss monetary things with him. Chat about Corrie, football, which is the best gin or anything else that floats your boat.

bubblesthree · 07/04/2019 19:48

@boglingtoaswad - thank you. I completely agree! I'd rather be happy than have money to be honest. I was absolutely fine until he starting coming out with all these comments and now I'm finding myself coming on bloody mums net discussing my problems haha I've never done this before btw. I'm just at a complete loss - I can't really discuss with anyone I know without coming across as bitter or jealous which I'm really not.

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greyby25 · 07/04/2019 19:49

@bubblesthree yes the smile and nod, I'm familiar 😂 when you just want someone to stfu and they keep talking crap ! how bizarre ! I would ignore him. He sounds like he's either trying to get a reaction from you, or trying to impress you in a weird way ? X

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