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To be worried about my crush?

(7 Posts)
Alwaysgrey Sun 07-Apr-19 18:14:30

I’ve been married to DH for over ten years and we have three dc.

I was raised by a very stately homes mother and growing up under her has always been very hard and I’ve always been pushed to follow a very traditional path.

In the back of my mind I’ve always had an attraction to women. I’ve never acted on it as I ended up in two long term relationships (one of which was DH). Now as I’m getting older it’s very much there in the back of my mind especially as I seem to have developed a crush on a woman. I see her everyday (no indication at all she feels the same). Seeing her isn’t avoidable. But I’m wondering if anyone else has found themselves in the position of being married a long time but developing an interest in the opposite sex.

catisbeingsick Sun 07-Apr-19 18:22:58

I am the same. It's difficult isn't it? The feeling that you can never explore it further. I feel for you, is it a friend you have developed feelings for or a colleague?

SugarMiceInTheRain Sun 07-Apr-19 18:25:09

I haven't, but have been in the position of being married a long time (17 years, 3 DC) but developing a pretty intense crush on someone I can't avoid seeing. I try to keep it under control by concentrating hard on all the things I love about my DH, rather than the lust I might have for the other person and (as is often the way with crushes, you tend to fill in the gaps, assuming your crush is wonderful in lots of other ways which you don't know about yet...) I've had a few crushes over the years and they usually die out in a few months but can feel like I'm going a bit insane when I'm in the grip of one!

However in your case, it's worth asking the question, are you still attracted to your DH? Or do you really only fancy women? I've known people who are bi, but happily married to a partner of the opposite sex and manage to stay faithful and not act on their attraction to the opposite sex. If, however, you genuinely aren't attracted to DH any more because you've realised you're attracted to women, then it's a bit of a different scenario.

Sorry, not much help there!

Alwaysgrey Sun 07-Apr-19 21:26:32

The crush is someone who works with one of my children. Child adores her and is brilliant with her (dc has special needs).

Dh and I have had a tough few years (two dc with special needs). We met soon after I’d come out of an intense long term relationship and for me it wasn’t fizzing, mad love but I liked her solid and reliable he was. We also met when I wasn’t very old and we are quite different people. I feel very attracted to personality versus gender. It’s who they are. I dreamt about her last night and now feel really self conscious around her. I don’t want to break up my marriage. I don’t even think this woman is interested. But I’m so out of the loop on what would resemble flirting I don’t know. But like you Sugar I feel insane locked in the grip of this crush. Dh and I had sex the other night and I found myself wondering what being with a more female body was like. And wondered how common it was for other women in later years becoming more interested in women.

catisbeingsick Sun 07-Apr-19 21:51:58

My crush is my friend, I have started thinking about her all the time and I think about her when I'm with my DP, I feel bad about it and know that I need to stop.
I have no idea I it's a common thing but I started another thread on this and there were similarly few responses so maybe just a few of us.
Part I me wants to tell people so I can get it off my chest but I am scared of ruining my relationship with my friend and my DP and anyone I open up and talk to about it sad

Milly345 Sun 07-Apr-19 22:05:48

Suggest a threesome 😃

Alwaysgrey Sun 07-Apr-19 22:12:13

@Milly345 dh would not take it well. He’s a big of an ego and he wouldn’t even want to go there.

@catisbeingsick it’s really hard isn’t it. My dh would go mad and he wouldn’t understand at all. I find that I’m also missing the depth and emotion of a female. I just don’t know how to escape it and stop thinking about her.

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