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AIBU to be at my complete and utter wits end with this situation?

(80 Posts)
BunchOfBalloons Sun 07-Apr-19 00:00:53

Hi, I hope this isn’t too long but I want to give as much detail as not to drip feed.

I live in a new build block of apartments on the 2nd floor (top) with my 2 young children. It is a rented property from a private landlord who owns my flat and the two beneath me. There are also 3 other flats in this block that are home owners. I have lived here for 2 and a half years and was the first person to reside in this flat from being built.

From what I can gather the two flats beneath me are part of an agreement with my landlord and social services with residents that are vulnerable adults. On the ground floor is a man who had a serious head injury and is very quiet and pleasant - keeps himself to himself. On the 1st floor beneath me is an 18 year old male with learning disabilities. My landlord explained to me that he has the mental age of a 12 year old. He moved in around Sept/Oct 2018.

The block of flats is directly opposite a large park with an area that caters to keeping youth off the streets and in a safe environment. Admittedly where I live is a rough area, on the outskirts of a large city. It is not unheard of for there to be regular assaults, knife crime etc. Many incidents of this nature have taken place at the park.

Ok to the problem - The lad below me (lets call him Sean) has ties with many of the teenagers that frequent this park. They are basically using him and his flat as a doss house. Every single day there is drama. There are groups of 8+ hanging around on the communal stairs, swinging off the bannisters, shouting, screaming, arguing, slamming doors so much that the block shakes, loud music until gone 3am, foul language, damage to the block, throwing stones at windows, the list is endless. Myself and my neighbour opposite (homeowner) have kept in touch with the issues and she contacted social services. I have spoken to my landlord numerous times who repeatedly just tells me to call the police and never turns up when this commotion is happening. Sean has a care worker that comes every day for a few hours, but as soon as she is gone the commotion begins. Its literally every day. It came to a head a fortnight ago when one bang too many sent me flying into a rage down the stairs to ask what the fuck was going on. I have never confronted any of them before this. I was laughed at and mocked by the 10+ group of teenagers, I managed to get them out of the block and went to talk to Sean by himself in his flat. Everything I said to him regarding the behaviours and issues went over his head, he just doesn’t understand. Everybody - the landlord, the carers even the police seem to be pacifying him. Nobody is taking into account the effect its having on everbody else that lives here.

I can’t live like this anymore, it’s making my life a misery. Unbeknownst to them, I am also classified as a vulnerable adult. I have a number of mental health disorders and this situation is excerberating them to a point where I have had the crisis team visiting me for the last 2 weeks. I can’t live like this anymore, I don’t have the funds to move house and the council knocked me off the housing register as I already have a roof over my head. I just dont know what to do, it’s making me more ill than I already am. My situation is very complex and too much to post on this one thread, but this home felt like an eventual place of safety after many very difficult years. I have C-PTSD and the bangs and shouting are triggering me on a daily basis - I feel like my safety and privacy has been taken away from me and I am constantly scared, angered and frustrated in my own home. My children get upset and nervous about coming home, it’s hell.

stayathomegardener Sun 07-Apr-19 00:07:58

I don't want to leave this unanswered. It sounds an intolerable situation.
But what to do...
Bumping for someone helpful.

Mammyloveswine Sun 07-Apr-19 00:10:28

That sounds horrendous.. have you contacted social services? They might a position to act more than the landlord as ipresume the vulnerable adult has an allocated social worker.

Dont give up op... you deserve so much better. Sorry i cant give too much advice.

devuskums Sun 07-Apr-19 00:12:17

I haven't got any advice apart from keep on at the vulnerable adults team and the police, keep a diary of all incidents, and contact neighborhood team at the council regarding the noise every time it happens. You have a right to quiet enjoyment in your own home, maybe you need to report it as a breach of the tenancy because of the noise/unwelcome visitors/dramas rather than because you are worried about the safety of the person (although I think your concerns are valid from what you have said). It sounds horrendous, you have my total sympathy. I have had problem neighbors in the past and know how horrible it is. I hope it gets sorted soon.

123bananas Sun 07-Apr-19 00:21:31

You need to speak to the local anti-social behaviour team at the council. They can draw together police, social services, housing and take representation from you as to the impact on your health and from your crisis support team if needed. He is vulnerable and this should be treated as an adult safeguarding issue in the same way as it would be a children's safeguarding issue if he were a 12 year old boy. The police have powers to enforce orders on some of these youth too, but if there is a risk to you and your children if you report from these youth they can make this known to housing/social services which may help you with emergency housing if it becomes unsafe.

RubberTreePlant Sun 07-Apr-19 00:22:11

YANBU to be frantic.

Would you now qualify for health priority or health related points if you reapplied to the housing list? Do you have HCPs who would support you in that?

OldAndWornOut Sun 07-Apr-19 00:25:42

I would point out to the council, the landlord and so on that you yourself are a vulnerable person.
That will put you on an 'equal footing' in terms of your own needs being met.

NotWhatWhat Sun 07-Apr-19 00:32:05

You need to complain and complain and complain. Get your neighbours to complain as well. Write to the council environmental health team about the noise. Maybe record some sample noise so they can see what you are having to put up with. Complain to your landlord daily if need be.
The lad below you has every right to be housed but if he is not capable of living in such a way that he doesn't severely disturb his neighbours then he needs better supervision and support.

BunchOfBalloons Sun 07-Apr-19 00:36:41

Thank you for your replies. It just seems that the issue is passed from pillar to post. I am aware there was a meeting last week with a number of agencies including police and social services, but I do not know of the outcome as I was too ill too attend. My neighbour (homeowner) opposite is lovely, I think I may open up to her more about my personal situation and see if she can help support me further as I am so unwell at the moment I just can’t think straight or function properly.

BunchOfBalloons Sun 07-Apr-19 00:38:31

Its taken me all day to write this post, thank you for your help.

Driftingthoughlife Sun 07-Apr-19 00:40:16

Tell the crisis team you want an asbrac. It’s a multi agency response meeting in which the police, social services, housing etc meet and they are set targets.
The fact you and Sean are both vunerable you should get this no problem. Also if they are taking advantage of Sean because of his disability that also comes under hate crime and report via the true vision website. Your equality police officer should get involved then and you may be sign posted to a disability charity who can help. Many have hate crime projects that work with the police. If you live in the north west I can tell you which charity can help

DishingOutDone Sun 07-Apr-19 00:46:16

Drifting has it on the nail, the Crisis Team should be arranging this - what have they said? If they haven't helped you could make an appointment to see your MP to save you having to go to x different agencies if they are giving you the run around.

Marchinupandownagain Sun 07-Apr-19 00:46:35

" if he is not capable of living in such a way that he doesn't severely disturb his neighbours then he needs better supervision and support"

Victim-blamey comment alert. Also smacks of "why aren't they all in institutions away from 'normal folk'? ' crap that people are so fond of spouting whenever anyone with LD lives near them.

OP: He's being abused by the louts, if there was a meeting including both Police and SS it is almost certainly already under Adult Safeguarding, as it should be. You may not be advised unless he is willing for you to know as he is entitled to as much privacy as anyone else. Doesn't mean nothing is happening. But honestly if this was a non-LD person there might be the same issues - people have dodgy friends and contacts all over. I'm sure it's really hard but the answer if not, as some posters appear to want, just to put him away or have him watched 24/7.

OldAndWornOut Sun 07-Apr-19 00:51:21

It would depend on whether he is deemed to have capacity to decide for himself who he befriends.
I would say though, that unless you make a real fuss, nothing much is going to happen to sort out the problem.

I had similar with 2 girls who lived in the flat above me, and it was absolute hell, so you have my sympathies.

Crabbyandproudofit Sun 07-Apr-19 00:51:24

This is a dreadful situation for you to be in. I think you need to get onto Social Services about Sean because his vulnerability means he is unsafe with these teenagers taking advantage of him - mention Safeguarding because they will have procedures to follow.

For yourself, I would go back to the Council Housing Department because you have evidence that your mental health is being adversely affected, you are no longer adequately housed. You initially liked living there and felt comfortable, would you want to move if the current problems were resolved? If you think you could be happy there again you may want to involve Housing in reaching a solution rather than moving you?

sobeyondthehills Sun 07-Apr-19 00:54:33

We had something similar to this, the tennant downstairs was classed as vulnerable, in the end the police raided her house and it was closed off due to cuckooing, so next time you speak to someone mention that.

I will say we only moved in three weeks before this happened, but even we were fairly worried

Yabbers Sun 07-Apr-19 00:58:06

Victim-blamey comment alert. Also smacks of "why aren't they all in institutions away from 'normal folk'? ' crap that people are so fond of spouting whenever anyone with LD lives near them.

Rubbish. It’s a valid point. If an adult with a mental age of 12 is housed in a situation where he is being abused and taken advantage of by people, then of course he should be given more support and supervision. That’s not victim blaming, that’s SS blaming. The problem is not that he is housed there, it is that he is housed there with inadequate support. It may well be that it is not appropriate for him to be living alone in that situation . That’s not his fault, it is not blaming him, it is concern he is being out in a vulnerable position.

madroid Sun 07-Apr-19 00:59:19

Ring the police and tell them the kids visiting are dealing drugs. They'll be all over you like a rash.

Sparklesocks Sun 07-Apr-19 01:01:38

Sounds really difficult OP, I don’t have much knowledge on the subject but I’m sure a lot of other posters will. Just wanted to say YANBU

BunchOfBalloons Sun 07-Apr-19 01:05:45

Crisis team were pretty useless tbh, I was put on sedative medication (yep great when I am the sole carer of two young children with zero support) and didnt even turn up for two appointments. My coping mechanism has always been to put on a ‘mask’ - I cant let my children outwardly see how frantic I am feeling inside, I try so hard not to let my mental health diagnoses affect them too, but it seems like because I am not projecting how ill I am nobody is taking me seriously. I have a number for a social worker that was assigned to me recently (case closed though) would it be worth talking to them regarding the situation too?

OldAndWornOut Sun 07-Apr-19 01:08:58

Yes, I think so.
As many people as you can, I would say, and keep a note of each conversation and their names.

Rainbowqueeen Sun 07-Apr-19 01:09:32

Would shelter be able to help? I’ve never had any dealings with them but they are the housing experts?

They may be able to tell you what should be happening and act as your advocate.
Good luck it sounds horrible

Driftingthoughlife Sun 07-Apr-19 01:13:10

Yep the social worker should also be able to refer to asbrac. You need this op as the police and housing will have to report what they are doing directly to this meeting every month. Environmental health are also usually there

isitfridayyet1 Sun 07-Apr-19 01:16:31

I'd contact the environmental health at the local council. We had a similar problem and after us completing a noise log, they came to install noise recording equipment.

If the noise is above a certain level the council can take action against the occupant. It may not sound nice but when the landlord and social services find out you've gone down the legal route i.e via the council they may start to pay attention!

RedHatsDoNotSuitMe Sun 07-Apr-19 01:53:16

Hi OP. Didn't want to read and run. flowers for you as this sounds totally horrible and you have my sympathy.

What I'm going to say has mostly been said above, but I'll add my bit anyway. My 'expertise' pah is with children under 11, so I'm not an expert at all, but my DH used to work in housing for a local authority, so:

Firstly, complain, complain, complain. Be as vocal as possible. DH always says that you deal with the gobby/noisy ones to shut them up/make them go away. So (as you've been advised upthread) complain to EVERYONE at your local council - housing, environmental health, social services. EVERY department you think might be relevant, complain to them. Be a pain in the arse. But don't whinge. So nothing "oh, oh, oh... this is so meeeaan". Keep it factual. On x date this happened at this time. The impact on me/my family was xxxx On Y date this happened at this time. The impact on me/my family was..... etc etc.

Second, copy in your local MP/counsellor.

Sorry, this should be 1st nor third.... Keep a diary. Record EVERYTHING. Make it factual. Dates/times/events or situations. Local authorities need facts to make things happen, so give them those facts with your diary. Scan/copy it and attach it to EVERY letter/email/tweet. Encourage neighbours to do the same. If you have witnesses (such as a friend over) get them to sign your written record as they then become an extra witness.

Agree with the PP who said speak to Shelter - they ARE the housing experts. Also speak to your CAB. AND your housing department. And if you've been under SS , speak to them as well.

Also, if your DC are under any kind of formal care (eg a nursery) speak to them and ask them to report if there are any concerns (eg, if any of your DC are tired due to disturbed sleep because of neighbour).

Keep in mind that your neighbour is super-vulnerable, and this isn't his fault. But there SHOULD be support services available to him because of his needs. Report to them as well.

It is (as pps have said) a safe guarding issue if a young and vulnerable adult is taken advantage of.

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