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To hang on to negative feelings for so long?

(1 Post)
motherdaughterbond Sat 06-Apr-19 19:50:25

So, I'm 47, married with adult dd. The relationship I have issues with is the one with my dm. She had me when she was young (stayed with my dad and they got married a few years later).

Anyway, my overriding memories of my childhood seem to be bad ones, especially concerning her. All I seem to remember is her being impatient and selfish. I can remember being ill and crying in my bed, and her storming in shouting at me to be quiet. I remember not having clean socks for school, and those I did have had no elastic so they fell down. I recall being sent to the shop daily for cigarettes because she was too lazy to go herself, and having to look after my baby sister all the time. There are numerous other things, and I generally didn't feel that she put me or my siblings first.

Fast forward to me having my own dc, and she turned into a doting grandmother. She looked after me when I was unwell after giving birth, and regularly took care of my dd, who has grown up having a really close relationship with her. Now my dd is an adult, she's started to notice that I'm not close to my dm, and seems to think I'm just being mean to her (I don't do anything specific, but I have little interest in spending much time with my dm because I don't feel emotionally attached to her). I don't really want to tell my dd about all these bad memories from my childhood, so how should I handle it? Aibu to hang on to these negative feelings, and if so how do I get over them?

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