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to ask if I'm doing the right thing?

(9 Posts)
Oceanah Sat 06-Apr-19 16:58:13

I've posted a few times over the last few weeks. I recently left my abusive ex. We have a small ebf baby together.

He became more and more abusive towards me since I got pregnant. He's angry, mean, controlling financially, aggressive, punches things when he's angry, mean to his young daughter from a previous relationship etc, and since I split from him, he's destroyed my things, changed the locks on the doors to our jointly owned house, threatened to badmouth me to our son, and made threats that things are going to end badly for me. Not sure what that last threat means. He's being so cruel to me, and I don't trust this angry man with my son. His daughter is scared of him too.

This has resulted in me not seeing him at all and him therefore having no contact at all with his DC. Based on the completely true information above, is it reasonable that he's not seen his son at all? Even though he's abusive, cruel, and I don't want to be in a room with him because I'm scared?

QuestionableMouse Sat 06-Apr-19 16:59:49

I dunno what the law is but I think emotionally you're doing the right thing going NC. if he wants to see his kids he can act like a decent human being.

Oceanah Sat 06-Apr-19 17:01:56

@QuestionableMouse he will never act like a decent human being. He is still verbally abusive over text message to his ex who he hasn't been with for 5+ years. I hate myself for putting me and my son in this position and keep going back and forth re my own emotions. I'm so confused and he's very good at guilt tripping me.

something2say Sat 06-Apr-19 17:09:27

You are 100% correct.

This needs to go via court so that contact can be made safe.

When he asks for contact next, tell him you want him to apply thro court. Then ignore. Report if he starts, especially if it's going to court, be seen to do the right thing in the face of danger. Xxx

Oceanah Sat 06-Apr-19 17:11:31

He's threatened to take it to court but so far I've not received a letter. I genuinely do not feel like me or my son are safe around him.

something2say Sat 06-Apr-19 17:18:08

How do you feel about court? Youd be rung beforehand and can tell your side of the story and it would get better from there. Be better yet if you had a DV advisor.... can you ring your local team and get a proper safety plan?

Oceanah Sat 06-Apr-19 17:30:12

something I feel absolutely terrified about it. Scared he'll make out I'm lying. Scared cafcass won't take my concerns seriously. I'm essentially scared he will twist them all round his little finger and make me out to be the monster I'm not.

Oceanah Sat 06-Apr-19 17:50:52

Also @something2say I have a DV advisor assigned to me but she seems very weary to comment on this kind of thing.

something2say Sat 06-Apr-19 17:59:49

Oceana, I can almost promise you it won't go like that. They will be well versed with men like him and with stories like yours. And, contact will then be ordered and he will have no need to keep contacting you.

I'm sorry your DV advisor is wary of commenting. That may be becsuee she might not like to comment on what the courts will do.

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