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To encourage her to be on her own??

(7 Posts)
trebless Sat 06-Apr-19 14:50:49

I'm in my mid thirties and I work with a a 20 year old who is currently on maternity leave after having her second daughter a few days ago.

She has a good relationship with her mum but I was always the one she would come too for advice etc etc, we worked together everyday so became quite close.

We have been in touch since on she went on maternity leave but not met up as I have kids etc and time just passes.

So here is her situation. She's just had her second baby as I said. Her eldest child is 3 and she is no longer with that child's dad. I'll be honest, she's had lots of boyfriends that never last.

So she started a relationship with one 'man'. She was smitten and after a few weeks she's pregnant. She told me straight away. She was keeping it and they were going to be a happy family etc etc.

Then they split up. He has not contacted my friend and has no involvement in the babies life, he doesn't want too. And my friend is happy with this. In the space of 3 mo the he went from amazing to evil....her words.

Then at 6 months pregnant, she met someone else. Fell for him head over heels. He was going to be the babies dad and they were going to be a happy family.....same story.

They split up and got back together literally every week. Sometimes every few days. It was all over ridiculous reasons too. She's very immature. But lovely at the same time.

She then went on maternity leave but we are friends on fb and still chat from time to time.

So last week they had broken up. Then they got back together and he was there at the birth of the baby.

Pics of them both cuddling the baby all over fb. Pictures on his profile saying 'daddy and daughter' 'daddy loves you' etc etc....,and he isn't the child's biological father. He also referred to my friends older daughter as 'his daughter' after 3 months of being together!

The baby is now 4 days old....and they have split up. Again.

I sort of feel I should maybe ask to see the baby and pop round and see her but then again, I don't want to get involved. I just want to give her head a shake and make her realise it's ok to be on your own!!

Her eldest daughter has been introduced to goodness knows how many boyfriends, they just come and go.

She has lots of friends but they all seem to be at the same maturity level as her. They even laugh at the whole on/off with the boyfriend situation.....where I feel it's really sad and doing her daughter or the new baby no good whatsoever!

Like I say, she is close to her mum but her mum isn't the type to say anything to her.

I just feel I want to have a chat to her and let her know she can be by herself. She doesn't need to be in a relationship and when she does meet the next one....take it slowly!

Or shall I just not? Shall I just go and see the baby, take a card and present and see how she is and go from there? I feel like I need to have a talk that her mum should be doing.

Though then again....I know it's non of my business. But I just care about her.

chuttypicks Sat 06-Apr-19 15:03:19

You'd probably be wasting your breath by saying anything tbh op. Save yourself the bother and potential fallout and distance yourself from this girl and her drama. Life's too short for other people's drama.

trebless Sat 06-Apr-19 15:08:17

@chuttypicks I think you're right tbh. I know I'd be wasting my breath. But I also know if she was my daughter I'd be having a chat with her.....but she's not and I know that

LuckyLou7 Sat 06-Apr-19 15:09:58

Just take a card and present for the baby (and something small for the older child) and see if she wants to talk. It sounds like she wants a conventional happy family life but doesn't know how to go about it. An on/off again relationship will eventually impact on her children, but I'm not sure you should actually advise her on how to conduct her love-life. If she was a member of the family it would be different, but work friends? I wouldn't get involved.

trebless Sat 06-Apr-19 15:13:56

@LuckyLou7 I see what you are saying. But we actually worked very close together, most days just me and her doing an 8 hour shift with no one else there. So we would talk about anything and everything which is why we became so close.

But you're right, I'm not family. I just know if she was still at work, she would be asking me for advice and crying on my shoulder.

AnnieMay100 Sat 06-Apr-19 15:57:02

I agree with how you feel it is wrong and she needs to put her children first now. But.. I’d personally not get involved she’s not your problem colleague or not her personal life is up to her to fix. Be a shoulder to cry on by all means and if she asks for advice encourage her to focus on her children and have a break from men, but avoid any direct involvement it never works out well ime

CandyCreeper Sat 06-Apr-19 16:25:00

I wouldnt, people like this dont listen. I know someone very similar, 5 kids, 3 dads not with any of them all very small age gaps. I dont get how people do it but it isnt my business.

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