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AIBU?

To feel so nervous ...can anyone calm me down

36 replies

lindseyyork · 06/04/2019 07:47

Morning,I don't know if I'm being silly or not.
I'm going away for the weekend today with a friend.
She's driving and it's about a 4 hour journey.
She only past her test 2 months ago and this is her second time on the motorways.
I know I'm being silly but I just keep thinking of crashes etc
Aibu to ask her to stop every hour ?
Just to have a break and a cuppa.

OP posts:

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StealthPolarBear · 06/04/2019 07:49

Frequent stops are sensible but tbh if it's a four hour journey you'd probably only stop once.
Do you think she is a bad driver? Motorways in many ways are easier to drive on than other roads. They are clearly laid out and well signposted. You don't have to deal with people pulling out or roundabouts.

Amongstthetallgrass · 06/04/2019 07:49

This was me and my best friend - I was the driver!

Can you drive? We took breaks. It was a three hour drive.

Lazypuppy · 06/04/2019 07:50

Yabu, why does she need to stop every hour?

Mototway driving is far easier than normal roads

StealthPolarBear · 06/04/2019 07:52

And you should still only drive at 70, so I've never understood this 'fast road' description

DonaldTwain · 06/04/2019 07:53

She will probably be super vigilant herself! Whereas more experienced drivers are complacent. And motorway driving is more straightforward as others have noted. The bit that bothered me when I started was joining from the slip road but otherwise it’s much easier than normal roads.

IceRebel · 06/04/2019 07:53

Aibu to ask her to stop every hour ?

Yes, the journey will take so much longer, and you will have longer to sit and worry.

Motorway driving is much easier than busy town centres or long windy country roads, plus she's done it once before.

Is there a particular reason you're worried about your friends driving, or is it just because it's still quite new?

trebless · 06/04/2019 07:54

I find motorways the easiest of roads to drive on. Much better than driving through a city. So yes I think yabu. Can you drive? If not then I don't feel you really have any place to judge.

hidinginthenightgarden · 06/04/2019 07:54

The first time I properly used the motorway was an hours drive to my mums. I was fine - chose to go when DH wasn’t coming with me as he is backseat driver! Try to hide your nerves or it will make her nervous.

AuntMarch · 06/04/2019 07:54

Offer to stop half way and take over the driving. More than one stop would be excessive for two adults for a 4 hour trip.

My first ever motorway drive was a 4 hour straight run home on the motorway!

Peterpiperpickedwrong · 06/04/2019 07:55

Oh gosh I understand your concern, that is a long way with not very much experience, BUT she was tested and deemed safe to drive and given her licence. The motorways will be quieter today than on a weekday, she will likely be very cautious as a newish driver so just make sure distractions are minimum with regards to music, conversation etc.

As for stopping I would play it by ear and see how you feel once she’s on the road. It’s easy enough to say, when you see a sign for services coming up, that you need the loo and ask her to stop at the next one. I wouldn’t ask her straight off to stop every hour as if she knows you are nervous it might make her more nervous about driving. I’m sure you will be fine.

Justonemorepancake · 06/04/2019 07:56

Don't make her keep stopping. Getting on the motorway is the trickiest/most nerve wracking bit so you want that element as little as possible. She can just sit behind a lorry the whole way.

GreenShadow · 06/04/2019 07:57

My only bit of advice is not to talk to her when she's driving.
When you're in a car with friends there's often the temptation to talk all the time but she might be happier just driving in silence.

Divgirl2 · 06/04/2019 07:59

Don't ask her to stop every hour! The most difficult part of motorway driving is merging into traffic, plus the journey will take much longer.

I think one stop would be reasonable.

DonaldTwain · 06/04/2019 07:59

I think there’s an argument you’re safer with her in some ways. Safe motorway driving requires vigilance and alertness (all too easy to slip into a trance as you’re going along) and you’re more likely to get that from a new driver who is conscious they lack experience

lindseyyork · 06/04/2019 08:02

The first time she ended up driving on the hard shoulder and got beeped at ..obviously it felt bumpy as hell.
Just as we were in the city centre she stopped suddenly and a car went in the back of us,we weren't hurt at all as we were creeping at 15 mph to find our car park but I got a shock.
She blasts the music and I just think sometimes she's too busy singing etc to concentrate properly

OP posts:

MynameisJune · 06/04/2019 08:04

Who don’t you offer to drive instead then?

lindseyyork · 06/04/2019 08:04

Unfortunately I can't drive as I'm not on her insurance.

OP posts:

lindseyyork · 06/04/2019 08:04

Or could I ?

OP posts:

HarrysOwl · 06/04/2019 08:05

If my friend drove like that I'd get the train

Danni91 · 06/04/2019 08:06

If your both fully comp and she gives you permission you can drive her car

IceRebel · 06/04/2019 08:06

Rather large drip feed there. You should have said she has already had a crash and shown unsafe driving behaviour in your OP.

You seem to spend a lot of time in the car with her. If you find her such an unsafe driver, I would be looking at other transport arrangements.

ArgyMargy · 06/04/2019 08:07

Check your own insurance policy to see if it covers you to drive her car. It may, or it may not. DON'T assume it does just because someone on here says it does.

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faeveren · 06/04/2019 08:07

Depends how she drives. I have a friend who took 9 driving tests I wouldn’t let her drive me around the block, it’s total fluke she passed on her last test she is terrible. Other friends I’d be happy to sit back for hours but would expect at least one stop in four hours. I drove a 400 mile journey alone, 6 weeks after I passed my test I was fine.

Once on a 3 hour journey with a friend who drives too fast I was so scared I told her to stop and either let me drive or I would make my own way home. She had passed years before, so not a new driver. Your friend may be a confident and capable driver which means she will probably choose to stop at least once anyway.

Alarae · 06/04/2019 08:08

She will be worried herself, so you will probably be the safest you've ever been in a car!

I drove round the m25 from Berkshire to the edge of Kent two days after picking up my car. I had not driven since I passed my test over a year prior.

Still driving, no crashes

stucknoue · 06/04/2019 08:10

Stop half way, more as needed. If she seems nervous remind her it's ok not to overtake and stay in the de facto lorry lane

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