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To be inwardly raging with my husband?

(48 Posts)
Lifeonmars77 Sat 06-Apr-19 07:38:10

3 months ago we went shopping for new sofas as ours were knackered. It was hard work as we had both kids with us but eventually found some we liked and agreed on the colour, using the samples. A lovely chocolate brown with brown leather trim. I took the kids out to the car for snacks and drinks while DH stayed inside to place the order.

Fast forward to delivery day (yesterday) and the sofas that were delivered are charcoal grey with a black trim! It turns out, the sales person has either misheard (although they had the samples there so doubt it was this) or was so busy chatting, has clicked the wrong box on the system.

We dug out the paperwork that my DH signed on the day... and it says charcoal!!!!

After speaking to someone on the phone, we are going down there today (35 miles away) to see if they will do anything, but I'm not holding out much hope as we signed for it. I hate black and grey, it doesn't go with the decor at all - we've also just had the room decorated, bought rugs and other soft furnishings etc on the basis that we were getting brown sofas!!

DH is so upset that he didn't check before signing, I'm trying not to be too hard on him but FFS!!!

PBobs Tue 09-Apr-19 00:13:46

I'd trust my DH as well. But you made it sound like this was a big exciting purchase. Not just "a couple of sofas". I'd just want to look and coo and be excited. It wouldn't be checking up on him. Just checking I'd got my sofas.

If his behaviour is bothering you now have you tried telling him to get his shit together and to forget about it? Just tell him how you feel/what you think.

GarthFunkel Mon 08-Apr-19 21:10:36

OK so you've got a plan now and it'll cost you but it's done.

Now look at the positives. You have the upper hand. Years of bringing it up. Countless opportunities of asking him which colour he thinks X is. Asking him whether he's really sure. Think about how many cups of tea in bed you can wangle!

MollysLips Mon 08-Apr-19 12:51:25

I'm basing that advice on something that happened in my house the other day.
DH was obviously moody and upset but wasn't talking about it. So I poked at him until he finally admitted, "I'm scared I'm letting you down." And I'd lost patience by then so I shouted at him, "You've NEVER let me down EVER in my life, you absolute fucking twat."

And we both had hysterics. 🤷🏻‍♀️

PicsInRed Mon 08-Apr-19 12:47:41

Which colour did he prefer?

MollysLips Mon 08-Apr-19 12:47:09

* All I want to do is scream at him "Stop acting like a sulking child and taking it out on the rest of us when it was you who signed away a couple of grand without checking the paperwork, you fucking twat!!"*

Honestly - this might actually clear the air better than you being all lovely and reasonable. If he's kicking himself, he's probably dying for some kind of release and would rather receive your honest opinion than a "nice" version (as he'll already know you're disappointed underneath).

Maybe say something like this, then both burst out laughing, have a make-up shag on the wrong sofa, and get on with your lives.

Lifeonmars77 Mon 08-Apr-19 12:39:48

I'm not angry at him about the mistake - like I said previously, I got over that fairly quickly. It's his behaviour since that I'm uncomfortable with now.

I didn't check the paperwork myself because I didn't think I needed to. I trusted him to order a couple of sofas in the right colour.

Fere Mon 08-Apr-19 12:27:21

Don't be angry at him! He didn't read the detailed colour description and you didn't too when you got your paperwork.

PBobs Mon 08-Apr-19 12:23:41

Here we go. LTB over a sofa.

Did you check the paperwork when he got in the car with it after ordering? Just wondering if both of you failed to look at the paperwork that seems a bit of a share of the error. Not necessarily an equal share but a share nonetheless.

That said, I totally lost it this weekend. My DH discovered a box of stuff in a wardrobe he was in charge of clearing just after the movers left with 113 boxes of our worldly goods to ship around the world. It was ugly. I felt awful afterwards. It wasn't worth it. It's just stuff at the end of the day.

ginghamtablecloths Mon 08-Apr-19 12:21:56

Oh dear. I'd be fuming too. All you can do is contact the shop and hope they understand. If they don't, it's hard cheese, isn't it? This just shows the wisdom of checking things.
My DH used to throw receipts away without even looking at them which annoyed me. In the end I had to insist that he pass them to me. And of course I had to check every bank statement because he couldn't be bothered. I feel for you OP but in the great scheme of things it could be worse.

wildbhoysmama Mon 08-Apr-19 12:19:31

In my opinion you are being a saint! Yes, it's not the end of the world but it would feel like it for me! I would be livid!! I hope it all works out.

The pics above are lovely, yellow or sage green or duck egg blue also work beautifully .

Lifeonmars77 Mon 08-Apr-19 12:09:22

*Is he always sulky and passive aggressive?

Did he resent having to assist with/contribute to the sofa shopping?*

He has his moments and can be quite sulky. Not sure about being resentful - I doubt it, it was his idea to buy them and he wanted to be involved.

Ah well it makes a nice change, most things are usually my fault!

PicsInRed Mon 08-Apr-19 12:00:49

Is he always sulky and passive aggressive?

Did he resent having to assist with/contribute to the sofa shopping?

TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup Mon 08-Apr-19 12:00:11

I wouldn't snap at him, just calmly point out that it is unacceptable to take out his mood on you and DC. The mistake is made and it may or may not be sorted.

The money they offer to keep the wrong sofa will be less than £100 probably. We got a Harvey's sofa that TWICE they sent it with a rip down one of the edges. They offered me 80quid to keep it. I insisted on a refund and we ended up spending 1000 more on a much better sofa from Sofas and Stuff. Slightly bigger but way comfier and a far superior mattress in the sofa bed.

Lifeonmars77 Mon 08-Apr-19 11:52:03

@livefornaps Ah I get you, sorry - usual Monday morning head fog.

You're not wrong.... I wonder how he would be reacting if it was me that made the mistake!

Hopefully this afternoon's call with DFS will go well and he can stop being such an arse about it.

livefornaps Mon 08-Apr-19 11:41:07

What I meant was - his behaviour is very unattractive. It's not the mistakes we make that matter as much as how we deal with them... His childish moodiness would put me right off

Lifeonmars77 Mon 08-Apr-19 11:23:12

What an irresistible man...!

Irresistible...?? Strange choice of word and not sure what that has to do with it, but yeah I suppose I quite fancy him when he's not being a knob.

livefornaps Mon 08-Apr-19 10:50:12

What an irresistible man...!

GreatDuckCookery Mon 08-Apr-19 10:12:42

He probably feels really awful and guilty, sometimes it’s easier to be defensive in these situations even though it doesn’t help you and how you’re feeling.

Lifeonmars77 Mon 08-Apr-19 09:57:39

Thanks, I've been studying home decor all weekend - I think I could make it work.

Unfortunately I still want to stab my DH in the eye with a fork. Not because of the original mistake, I've kind of dealt with that now, but because he's been a moody bastard all weekend. I know he's silently being hard on himself about sofagate but he's taking out on me and the DC... moody, snappy and intolerant over stupid little things.

I haven't stropped, had a go at him or got in a mood about the whole thing, so what gives him the right to take it out on us? All I want to do is scream at him "Stop acting like a sulking child and taking it out on the rest of us when it was you who signed away a couple of grand without checking the paperwork, you fucking twat!!"

I will not react, I will remain calm and be the bigger person. Give me strength.

daphine2004 Sat 06-Apr-19 18:52:21

Pinterest is your friend here!

daphine2004 Sat 06-Apr-19 18:51:03

Grey is a nice colour which seems to complement others well. I like deep purple/aubergine; dark blues and dark greens. It may appear like it would make everything dark, but it’s just picking out the bits which would soften the room: cushions, throws, candles, curtains etc.

Pale yellows and light blue also look lovely too.

Lifeonmars77 Sat 06-Apr-19 15:36:38

Well after DH made a 70 mile round trip we are still having to wait for a phone call from head office on Monday. The likelihood is they want 20% of the total order value to swap for the brown (we get to keep the grey in the meantime) or they may offer us money to keep the grey ones (not sure how much yet) to cover the cost of any repainting, decor, soft furnishings etc. Both reasonable offers under the circumstances but there is no money left in the pot to pay extra so we may be looking at a new colour scheme.

What wall colours go with grey/black? I wanted some nice warm colours but it's the cooler shades that seem to go more with greys and blacks? Interior design really isn't my thing. I just want it to look nice!

AlexaAmbidextra Sat 06-Apr-19 14:17:13

*What a shitty situation to be stuck with a charcoal sofa when you've your heart set on chocolate brown Alexa.

Yes BlueMerchant. It is shitty. But that doesn’t make your dishonesty any less shitty. hmm

Nanny0gg Sat 06-Apr-19 12:04:32

I wouldn't be finding it funny and I'd be outwardly raging, not inwardly.

It would be costing me more money to change the decor.

Stormy76 Sat 06-Apr-19 12:01:27

My DH was responsible for measuring up all the windows on 2 floors of a 3 story house (all we could afford to do at the time, only top floor didn’t have blinds) for made to measure blinds. They turned up and not one pair fitted he had measured all of the blinds wrong and the company wouldn’t take them back. I still have £400 worth of bloody blinds that don’t fit a single window.....8 years on! I had to speak another £400 to get the right blinds, I was so angry because for £800 I could have got a company round to do the whole bloody house ..... I might have had to pay a bit more than £800 but if they made a mistake at least I wouldn’t be stuck with stupid sized blinds.

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