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To be inwardly raging with my husband?

(48 Posts)
Lifeonmars77 Sat 06-Apr-19 07:38:10

3 months ago we went shopping for new sofas as ours were knackered. It was hard work as we had both kids with us but eventually found some we liked and agreed on the colour, using the samples. A lovely chocolate brown with brown leather trim. I took the kids out to the car for snacks and drinks while DH stayed inside to place the order.

Fast forward to delivery day (yesterday) and the sofas that were delivered are charcoal grey with a black trim! It turns out, the sales person has either misheard (although they had the samples there so doubt it was this) or was so busy chatting, has clicked the wrong box on the system.

We dug out the paperwork that my DH signed on the day... and it says charcoal!!!!

After speaking to someone on the phone, we are going down there today (35 miles away) to see if they will do anything, but I'm not holding out much hope as we signed for it. I hate black and grey, it doesn't go with the decor at all - we've also just had the room decorated, bought rugs and other soft furnishings etc on the basis that we were getting brown sofas!!

DH is so upset that he didn't check before signing, I'm trying not to be too hard on him but FFS!!!

talkingjapeneseireallythinkso Sat 06-Apr-19 07:41:42

was it wrapped in clear plastic ? it would have been obvious it wasn't brown, may be dh didn't like to query the colour with the delivery guy.
he could have refused to take the delivery if it was wrong.

AuntMarch Sat 06-Apr-19 07:46:01

Ohhhh I would be raging too! (Except I like the sound of the grey.... Realise that is not the point though)

I was waiting for you to say he had done it because it would be cheaper or something and just didn't tell you, but it sounds like a mistake and I do feel a bit sorry for him as he must feel terrible. But it wouldn't stop me being really pissed off too!

daphine2004 Sat 06-Apr-19 07:46:15

Fingers crossed for you, but I don’t think I’d be holding it much luck either. This will be one of those things he won’t ever forget and will hopefully laugh about in years to come!

If they can’t don anything:
1. Sell it (probably at a loss), but maybe not. Grey is really in at the moment!
2. Throws
3. Return all the brown stuff and get grey, may need to redecorate again..,

PumpkinPie2016 Sat 06-Apr-19 07:51:05

Oh no - that sounds stressful! It's not like it's a small item is it?!

If they can't do anything then I second the idea of either selling them or using throws in the correct colour.

Lifeonmars77 Sat 06-Apr-19 07:57:51

As soon as they got them in the house we realised it was wrong, but our sofas had just been taken to the tip! The delivery guys and the woman on the phone insisted on leaving the grey ones with us so we had something to sit on until it was sorted.

We aren't massively well off and had saved for ages for the sofas and the decorating so nothing left in the pot to fork out anymore.

I know grey is very 'in' at the moment but I fucking hate it, it's everywhere.

OrdinaryGirl Sat 06-Apr-19 07:58:09

Oh I would be miffed too, but also, if I thought to myself 'Can I really honestly say that I have never made a stupid mistake in my life?', the answer would be a resounding NO and I would find it difficult to give my DH a hard time about it.

You can have a massive go at him, but it might come back to bite you in the arse next time you stuff up. And (cheesily) it's a great opportunity to build up your relationship by being gracious about it while the two of you work out how to fix the mistake.

Good luck getting your lovely new sofa! (In the right colour)

BlueMerchant Sat 06-Apr-19 08:06:27

I hope you're lucky. Surely somebody can override policy.
I'd be tempted to 'find' a huge hole in the seam of one sofa and ask for them to return all that was delivered querying faulty stock? Then ask for refund or replacement in brown.blush

Mummyshark2018 Sat 06-Apr-19 08:45:57

Was the sofa made to order or do they have loads of them in stock? If it was made to order you might have difficulty returning it.

Runmybathforme Sat 06-Apr-19 08:54:39

Your DH must feel so shitty, feel sorry for him, but I’d be fuming too. I bought a very expensive sofa from Sofology. They delivered the wrong size. Salesman wasn’t paying attention when he put the order in. They wanted £260 to swap it for the correct one. After me threatening them with legal action, they changed it for free. I know this isn’t the same situation as yours, but maybe they’ll help you out ? Even if they do charge you.

Northernparent68 Sat 06-Apr-19 09:07:42

Is it really your husbands fault ? The only way he could have prevented this if he’d read the paperwork. Be honest would you have read it ?

Lifeonmars77 Sat 06-Apr-19 09:14:12

No of course it's not directly his fault, it's the sales person's fault. But yes, I would have at least read the main front sheet (admittedly probably not all the small stuff) where it states CHARCOAL in big capital letters. I'm certainly not perfect and human beings make mistakes, hence trying not to be hard on him. Im just really upset... we work hard and have waited ages for our living room to be redecorated and furnished.

Appreciate yes, it is first world problems and there are people out there experiencing much worse but we are talking a couple of thousand pounds here and I'm not sorry for being a bit gutted.

MustBeAWeasly Sat 06-Apr-19 09:21:44

I'd be pissed but it's a mistake and just one of those things. You'll laugh in a few years. We're stuck with a giant sofa that doesn't fit becuse of my DH
I wanted one, he wanted another which I said was too big. He measured and insisted it wasn't so I relented and we got the one he wanted. It arrived and took over half the door, its a corner. So now we have one wall totally filled with sofa and the other half filled. We had to rearrange our whole living room and it doesn't look right. Couldn't return it and paying it off over 4 years!!
Not the end of the world though 🤷‍♀️

GreatDuckCookery Sat 06-Apr-19 09:23:40

Oh no how disappointing OP. DH must feel like crap! Hope you can sort it.

UnderMajorDomoMinor Sat 06-Apr-19 09:25:20

I would also be inwardly raging and trying my level best to stay civil outwardly.

Good luck!

Awrite Sat 06-Apr-19 09:28:38

Yes, I get it op. It's absent mindedness. I sympathise. I have learned to be zen about it but this is a major fuck up so it's hard.

Giraffe211 Sat 06-Apr-19 09:28:59

Don’t panic! A friend of mine ordered a new 3 piece, used it for a week and decided she didn’t like it. They took it back and let her choose a replacement - and she did it again! I think they (she lived with her DM) went through 3 before settling on the 4th. Honestly, I was gobsmacked! They weren’t being cf they were just a pair of fussy old bats (said fondly!). The shop will take them back, you’ll just have to wait ages for the replacements. I know you are furious with DH, and that you know he made an honest mistake - if it had been you you’d be just as furious with yourself. You’ll calm down once it’s sorted. flowers

GarthFunkel Sat 06-Apr-19 09:46:46

Did he think charcoal was the name for that shade of brown?

AlexaAmbidextra Sat 06-Apr-19 10:14:30

he could have refused to take the delivery if it was wrong.

But the whole point is, it wasn’t wrong. They delivered the colour that DH signed for in the store.

AlexaAmbidextra Sat 06-Apr-19 10:18:06

I'd be tempted to 'find' a huge hole in the seam of one sofa and ask for them to return all that was delivered querying faulty stock? Then ask for refund or replacement in brown.

What a shitty, dishonest thing to do. ☹️

Tomtontom Sat 06-Apr-19 10:20:55

It's annoying, but you've had the paperwork for three months, did you not read it through either? I'd be annoyed at myself as much as my partner.

Hope the shop can sort something for you. If not, the colour will grow on you. You'll laugh about it in a few months, sat on your lovely comfy sofa.

BlueMerchant Sat 06-Apr-19 11:25:46

What a shitty situation to be stuck with a charcoal sofa when you've your heart set on chocolate brown Alexa.

Hippywannabe Sat 06-Apr-19 11:37:17

I feel your pain. I bought my very first ever new suite with some PPI money. The previous was a dark brown leather corner suite. After trailing around for hours and realusing I still couldn't afford what I really wanted without using credit, we ordered a nice 3 seater and 2 seater with leather trim, might be the same as yours . For some unknown reason, I ordered charcoal grey with black trim.
I actually cried when I got home after it was delivered. Our carpet is brown and the other furniture is pine. Can't afford to replace them and the suite doesn't look right.
Currently saving for new grey carpet.

Stormy76 Sat 06-Apr-19 12:01:27

My DH was responsible for measuring up all the windows on 2 floors of a 3 story house (all we could afford to do at the time, only top floor didn’t have blinds) for made to measure blinds. They turned up and not one pair fitted he had measured all of the blinds wrong and the company wouldn’t take them back. I still have £400 worth of bloody blinds that don’t fit a single window.....8 years on! I had to speak another £400 to get the right blinds, I was so angry because for £800 I could have got a company round to do the whole bloody house ..... I might have had to pay a bit more than £800 but if they made a mistake at least I wouldn’t be stuck with stupid sized blinds.

Nanny0gg Sat 06-Apr-19 12:04:32

I wouldn't be finding it funny and I'd be outwardly raging, not inwardly.

It would be costing me more money to change the decor.

AlexaAmbidextra Sat 06-Apr-19 14:17:13

*What a shitty situation to be stuck with a charcoal sofa when you've your heart set on chocolate brown Alexa.

Yes BlueMerchant. It is shitty. But that doesn’t make your dishonesty any less shitty. hmm

Lifeonmars77 Sat 06-Apr-19 15:36:38

Well after DH made a 70 mile round trip we are still having to wait for a phone call from head office on Monday. The likelihood is they want 20% of the total order value to swap for the brown (we get to keep the grey in the meantime) or they may offer us money to keep the grey ones (not sure how much yet) to cover the cost of any repainting, decor, soft furnishings etc. Both reasonable offers under the circumstances but there is no money left in the pot to pay extra so we may be looking at a new colour scheme.

What wall colours go with grey/black? I wanted some nice warm colours but it's the cooler shades that seem to go more with greys and blacks? Interior design really isn't my thing. I just want it to look nice!

daphine2004 Sat 06-Apr-19 18:51:03

Grey is a nice colour which seems to complement others well. I like deep purple/aubergine; dark blues and dark greens. It may appear like it would make everything dark, but it’s just picking out the bits which would soften the room: cushions, throws, candles, curtains etc.

Pale yellows and light blue also look lovely too.

daphine2004 Sat 06-Apr-19 18:52:21

Pinterest is your friend here!

Lifeonmars77 Mon 08-Apr-19 09:57:39

Thanks, I've been studying home decor all weekend - I think I could make it work.

Unfortunately I still want to stab my DH in the eye with a fork. Not because of the original mistake, I've kind of dealt with that now, but because he's been a moody bastard all weekend. I know he's silently being hard on himself about sofagate but he's taking out on me and the DC... moody, snappy and intolerant over stupid little things.

I haven't stropped, had a go at him or got in a mood about the whole thing, so what gives him the right to take it out on us? All I want to do is scream at him "Stop acting like a sulking child and taking it out on the rest of us when it was you who signed away a couple of grand without checking the paperwork, you fucking twat!!"

I will not react, I will remain calm and be the bigger person. Give me strength.

GreatDuckCookery Mon 08-Apr-19 10:12:42

He probably feels really awful and guilty, sometimes it’s easier to be defensive in these situations even though it doesn’t help you and how you’re feeling.

livefornaps Mon 08-Apr-19 10:50:12

What an irresistible man...!

Lifeonmars77 Mon 08-Apr-19 11:23:12

What an irresistible man...!

Irresistible...?? Strange choice of word and not sure what that has to do with it, but yeah I suppose I quite fancy him when he's not being a knob.

livefornaps Mon 08-Apr-19 11:41:07

What I meant was - his behaviour is very unattractive. It's not the mistakes we make that matter as much as how we deal with them... His childish moodiness would put me right off

Lifeonmars77 Mon 08-Apr-19 11:52:03

@livefornaps Ah I get you, sorry - usual Monday morning head fog.

You're not wrong.... I wonder how he would be reacting if it was me that made the mistake!

Hopefully this afternoon's call with DFS will go well and he can stop being such an arse about it.

TheMobileSiteMadeMeSignup Mon 08-Apr-19 12:00:11

I wouldn't snap at him, just calmly point out that it is unacceptable to take out his mood on you and DC. The mistake is made and it may or may not be sorted.

The money they offer to keep the wrong sofa will be less than £100 probably. We got a Harvey's sofa that TWICE they sent it with a rip down one of the edges. They offered me 80quid to keep it. I insisted on a refund and we ended up spending 1000 more on a much better sofa from Sofas and Stuff. Slightly bigger but way comfier and a far superior mattress in the sofa bed.

PicsInRed Mon 08-Apr-19 12:00:49

Is he always sulky and passive aggressive?

Did he resent having to assist with/contribute to the sofa shopping?

Lifeonmars77 Mon 08-Apr-19 12:09:22

*Is he always sulky and passive aggressive?

Did he resent having to assist with/contribute to the sofa shopping?*

He has his moments and can be quite sulky. Not sure about being resentful - I doubt it, it was his idea to buy them and he wanted to be involved.

Ah well it makes a nice change, most things are usually my fault!

wildbhoysmama Mon 08-Apr-19 12:19:31

In my opinion you are being a saint! Yes, it's not the end of the world but it would feel like it for me! I would be livid!! I hope it all works out.

The pics above are lovely, yellow or sage green or duck egg blue also work beautifully .

ginghamtablecloths Mon 08-Apr-19 12:21:56

Oh dear. I'd be fuming too. All you can do is contact the shop and hope they understand. If they don't, it's hard cheese, isn't it? This just shows the wisdom of checking things.
My DH used to throw receipts away without even looking at them which annoyed me. In the end I had to insist that he pass them to me. And of course I had to check every bank statement because he couldn't be bothered. I feel for you OP but in the great scheme of things it could be worse.

PBobs Mon 08-Apr-19 12:23:41

Here we go. LTB over a sofa.

Did you check the paperwork when he got in the car with it after ordering? Just wondering if both of you failed to look at the paperwork that seems a bit of a share of the error. Not necessarily an equal share but a share nonetheless.

That said, I totally lost it this weekend. My DH discovered a box of stuff in a wardrobe he was in charge of clearing just after the movers left with 113 boxes of our worldly goods to ship around the world. It was ugly. I felt awful afterwards. It wasn't worth it. It's just stuff at the end of the day.

Fere Mon 08-Apr-19 12:27:21

Don't be angry at him! He didn't read the detailed colour description and you didn't too when you got your paperwork.

Lifeonmars77 Mon 08-Apr-19 12:39:48

I'm not angry at him about the mistake - like I said previously, I got over that fairly quickly. It's his behaviour since that I'm uncomfortable with now.

I didn't check the paperwork myself because I didn't think I needed to. I trusted him to order a couple of sofas in the right colour.

MollysLips Mon 08-Apr-19 12:47:09

* All I want to do is scream at him "Stop acting like a sulking child and taking it out on the rest of us when it was you who signed away a couple of grand without checking the paperwork, you fucking twat!!"*

Honestly - this might actually clear the air better than you being all lovely and reasonable. If he's kicking himself, he's probably dying for some kind of release and would rather receive your honest opinion than a "nice" version (as he'll already know you're disappointed underneath).

Maybe say something like this, then both burst out laughing, have a make-up shag on the wrong sofa, and get on with your lives.

PicsInRed Mon 08-Apr-19 12:47:41

Which colour did he prefer?

MollysLips Mon 08-Apr-19 12:51:25

I'm basing that advice on something that happened in my house the other day.
DH was obviously moody and upset but wasn't talking about it. So I poked at him until he finally admitted, "I'm scared I'm letting you down." And I'd lost patience by then so I shouted at him, "You've NEVER let me down EVER in my life, you absolute fucking twat."

And we both had hysterics. 🤷🏻‍♀️

GarthFunkel Mon 08-Apr-19 21:10:36

OK so you've got a plan now and it'll cost you but it's done.

Now look at the positives. You have the upper hand. Years of bringing it up. Countless opportunities of asking him which colour he thinks X is. Asking him whether he's really sure. Think about how many cups of tea in bed you can wangle!

PBobs Tue 09-Apr-19 00:13:46

I'd trust my DH as well. But you made it sound like this was a big exciting purchase. Not just "a couple of sofas". I'd just want to look and coo and be excited. It wouldn't be checking up on him. Just checking I'd got my sofas.

If his behaviour is bothering you now have you tried telling him to get his shit together and to forget about it? Just tell him how you feel/what you think.

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