To think (on average) women get more interesting with age and men less so?

[Grobagsforever]

So for context, I'm 38. In my twenties I had more male friends as I found their interests to be broader, they were better read etc. Whereas women were slightly narrower in their perspective with more focus on their relationships or doing up their first homes.

Now, I see women my age and older coming out of the fog of 'must find husband and have kids' to really embrace their own interests, become engaged with world issues and so on. Women past 35 tend to have wide and varied social networks, men often rely on their partners friends or couple friends.

A couple of my friends husbands are already grumpy old men. Whereas my female friends are embarking on new goals and adventures.

Perhaps this difference is amplified for me as I become single at 34 (widowed) and when I was ready to date I couldn't believe how dull and lost the majority of single men were. Whereas I had learned to embrace being single, even though it wasn't my choice, have adventures etc, they all seemed to be sitting around waiting for a partner to complete them.

I know some men are fascinating and some women are deathly dull, but on average I think I'm correct. AIBU?

[araiwa]

Sounds like over generalised horse shit with no evidence

In fact the number of threads about husbands carrying on having lives whilst the women do nothing beyond their families through their 30s and 40s leading to mums in their 50s whose kids have left the nest seemingly having little to no interests outside the home says youre probably completely wrong

[BeanBag7]

No I don't agree

[Happyspud]

In my personal experience the men in my family and DPs have typically become more introverted and quiet and antisocial and dependent on their wives as they’ve gotten older. The women have become more free and social and involved in the community as their kids have grown up and left home.

I guess a lot of women become free from family dependencies as they get older where the men weren’t tied down in the same way. So the men get ‘older’ and more anxious about themselves while the women just revel in the freedom. This is what I’ve noticed in my family and with other couples I know well.

[Romax]

Don’t be daft

[ForalltheSaints]

Generalisation and as a man I don’t agree. The ‘man-child’ in their 20s is a reality. Women are more emotionally mature at a younger age than men.

[Happyspud]

So I’m with the OP.

[Grobagsforever]

@Romax - care to expand? I expressed a view, I was in no way 'being daft'.

[megrichardson]

I have often read that with older couples, if the woman dies first, the man is left lonely because all of his friends were actually her friends really. And I sort of agree with OP to an extent, because older woman stop giving a shit about what other people think, by and large.

[Romax]

Don’t want to dignify daft posts by expanding

[Grobagsforever]

@Happyspud yes I think that's part of it but I think it starts happening when kids still at home as women realise that having got married and had a couple of babies there is actually a lot more to be done with life, whereas men think they've ticked all the boxes and look forward to middle age. I'm genuinely quite shocked at how dull many men my age are, whereas my female friends just get better and better.

[Grobagsforever]

@Romax - so go off and find a less threatening thread..

[Romax]

less threatening


I’m a 38 year old single working mother of two children.

It takes a bit more than a daft thread to make me feel threatened!

[Grobagsforever]

@megrichardson - yes this is also why men date so quickly after a divorce.

[NowIKnowHowJoanFelt]

I think the women become more "quirky/adventurous " as they age and their children grow up... while the men become less adventurous.. I wanted to stay out last night drinking (but not necessarily being silly about it)..he wanted to go home. It's always that way now.

[MaggieAndHopey]

I genuinely don't think that anyone is 'dull', if you can find a way to connect with them. I do think people can get stuck in ruts though, in all sorts of ways - habits, beliefs, interests. I don't know whether I'd agree this happens for men more than for women; it's such a generalisation I don't know where to start with it. I maybe would agree that men need women more than the other way around, in later life - my father in law remarried very quickly after my mother in law died: nothing to do with friends - he had plenty of his own; he just didn't know how to be alone.

[LoubyLou1234]

I was probably on the surface much more interesting in my twenties . I was single and having a ball. Now I'm about to turn 40, settled with my partner. I'm interested in my garden and house, I go to less gigs as they are expensive nowadays. I still travel though and that's something I share with my partner. He is definitely not grumpy, very positive and full of life

[CallMeOnMyCell]

Completely agree OP! All the men in my family have become anti-social and boring as they’ve got older. I think it’s the freedom women regain when the children are grown up that makes them more open and interested in trying new things and meeting people.

[Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis]

No, I don’t. I don’t think sex or age are particularly indicative of how interesting you would find someone. I would guess it’s if you have shared interests and opinions or conversely if they have wildly differing ones, depending on your character.

Of course my theory does mean you were either ever a middle aged woman or perhaps similar to a grumpy old man.

[themueslicamel]

OP, I had an interview once where the interviewer had called in sick, and I was offered the chance to reschedule or meet with someone else.

I choose to meet with someone else, who turned out to be so nervous that I was asked any questions I could expand on, or in anyway put across my ideas or experiences.

I didn't get the job, but got the next one when I was interviewed well.

The point I am making is maybe you need to change what you're talking about to see who these men really are!

They can't all be dull and boring!

[Grobagsforever]

@themueslicamel - thankfully I did find one who isn't dull or boring, so no longer searching. I can converse on a very wide range of topics and am actually very good at putting people at ease if I choose to, my observation is simply that I find men, as a group have narrower and narrower horizons as they age, whereas the reverse seems to be true for women. And men generally have less passion for life as they age. It scares me, as I'm only 38, what will become of my peer group?!

[Grobagsforever]

It's not about going out or gigs. I'm talking about perspective, curiosity and willingness to learn.

[AirBiscuit]

In my experience women in their late 30s make massive generalisations based on no evidence then post about it on the internet

[nakedscientist]

OP you are probably right in your experience, but I think it's selection bias.

There will be fewer single men in their late 30s who are interesting, because the interesting ones are still married.

Your friends who just looked for a husband and did up their houses in their 20s do not represent many young women who start carriers before having kids.

It's great you've found a good DP and enjoy your female friends.

[PregnantSea]

Sounds like you've put people in little boxes and labelled them. Is it just gender and age, or do you do this with race, religion and sexual orientation too?

[HeathRobinson]

@AirBiscuit - yep.