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AIBU?

To hate the beard

28 replies

chicabowwow · 05/04/2019 23:33

I'm going to get flamed for this. NC because it is SO outing.

My dh has always had a degree of facial hair. Stubbly, short beard etc. I always liked it. Slightly rugged. He dresses well and always looks put together.
However...a couple of years ago I made a comment about his beard getting a bit long. And, in a very much overt the top comedy style, he decided to grow it to bother me (in a jokey way not an ea way!)

We are now at the point where two years on he looks like... well. A fucking hipster wizard. People stare and compliment his beard. Our eldest dress (who is very young) asks him to cut it off.

I would never dream of asking him to cut it off. But I want him to... SO BADLY. I hate kissing him with it, I hate the way it feels when I touch it (which I do avoid). It ages him and I know if I asked him to cut it off it would be like him telling me how to cut my hair or what to wear.

Any tips for living with the beard? He cares for it oils and natural brushes (despite what he says they all smell like patchouli and sandlewood).

We had a bit of a chat earlier today about the lack of frisson we've had over recent years. Kids, tiredness, stress and when I tried to bring it up he got kind of half upset/half cheeky like it was kind of funny. Feel like we're in a stalemate where he probably wants to cut it off but wants the satisfaction of me telling him to do it so he can say "ahh the Missus made me cut it off" to his work colleagues.

Help!

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Shmoople · 05/04/2019 23:37

Weird situation tbh. His growing of a beard as some kind of two year prank.You hating the beard with a passion but being too polite to say so. Your sex life taking a knock as a result.

You two need to start talking honestly.

chicabowwow · 05/04/2019 23:40

He really commits to jokes sometimes and the beard isn't the main killer in our passion (two small children and his heavy work schedule have been the main cause).

Honestly he still says blind there are 32 letters in the alphabet just to wind me up. It's all good natured in the beginning but has a tendency to go on and on and on. I swear he'll still be saying that on his deathbed. He's stubborn in his comedy.

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TemporaryPermanent · 05/04/2019 23:40

Agree that sometimes people have feelings that don't fit the template. Be honest with him. just like you have here. You know it's his choice and you feel uncomfortable saying it, but you are turned off by the beard and if he is interested in an ongoing sex life with you, he should know that it's a barrier.

chicabowwow · 05/04/2019 23:41

I did start and he brushed it of me (no pun intended). I just hate it so much. I find beard hair everywhere and it's the horrible wiry hair do you have to look twice before you touch it.

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OldAndWornOut · 05/04/2019 23:45

Ask him to shave it off, and tell him you'll owe him a massive favour, which he'll be free to decide.

MrsTerryPratchett · 05/04/2019 23:46

It's all good natured in the beginning but has a tendency to go on and on and on.

Sounds tiresome.

HellAndDegenerates · 05/04/2019 23:48

This is your partner, the one man in the world you should be able to say anything too and he listen and take you seriously.

"I hate your beard, I have no intention of kissing you or having sex with you whilst you have it. You're free to keep it, but now you know my thoughts on it, what you do with that information is up to you."

Backinthebox · 05/04/2019 23:48

I’m going to stick up for your OH here. I let my legs get really hairy, I’m a bit overweight. I do nothing with my hair and my only 2 outfits seem to be work uniform or mucking out stables clithes. DH doesn’t care. He still loves me. He has grown a beard this year. I don’t really like it, but am in no position to tell him how he should attend to his appearance. I’d tell him to piss off if he told me how he wanted me to look. He has taken up a sport which has a certain training regime which is working wonders on his physique, so I am going to ignore the beard and feel his muscles.

chicabowwow · 05/04/2019 23:50

@MrsTerryPratchett it can be. Thankfully life and experience has removed a lot of the superfluous silliness and kept the laughter. He's an amazing dh and amazing dad, but so stubborn about things that don't matter.

I think I'll broach the beard again tomorrow. It's the fact our four year old asks him to shave it off that gets me. I think it's one of those things where he's spent so long growing it he thinks it would be a shame to shave it off.

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OldAndWornOut · 05/04/2019 23:50

Oh, I love a beard.
I'm feeling quite envious.

chicabowwow · 05/04/2019 23:52

@Backinthebox that's what I mean. It seems incredibly ... I'm not even sure of the word to try and control how he looks. I've certainly seen better days but it's definitely a case of what's the point because that looks horrible. The rest of him is amazing and in much better nick than me but I can't even kiss him without it creeping me out.

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chicabowwow · 05/04/2019 23:53

@OldAndWornOut I liked his beard when it was a few inches long but this is half way down his chest.

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OldAndWornOut · 05/04/2019 23:54

Ooh er!
That is long!

chicabowwow · 05/04/2019 23:58

@OldAndWornOut yep. We get stopped in the street by people kind of length. Drunk people ask to touch it kind of length.

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Shmoople · 05/04/2019 23:59

The rest of him is amazing and in much better nick than me but I can't even kiss him without it creeping me out.

If my partner was creeped out to this extent by a look that I'd chosen I'd at least want to know about it. You can be honest without being brutal. But polite silence seems a bit ridiculous.

chicabowwow · 06/04/2019 00:00

A bit longer than this but less tidy and with a lot more grey.

To hate the beard

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MrsTerryPratchett · 06/04/2019 00:00

Oh well if he's a good sort generally you could do what I do and pay DH not to grow a beard. He got 50 quid two years ago to shave and I think I owe him for this year. He buys beer with it

Works for us.

chicabowwow · 06/04/2019 00:00

Obviously, that's not my husband.

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Insomnibrat · 06/04/2019 00:02

I'd feel the same OP, not wanting to seem unreasonable about it but he seemed to cultivate the whole thing on unreasonableness anyway.

I hate the modern trend for bushy beards.

chicabowwow · 06/04/2019 00:02

@MrsTerryPratchett I think maybe a deal of sorts or a date may take the edge off.

I think I'm worried about really hurting his feelings if I let it known how much it bothers me.

Been tempted to cut it off in the night. Wouldn't actually do that. Soooo tempted though.

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Insomnibrat · 06/04/2019 00:03

I'd HATE that beard too. Sorry

chicabowwow · 06/04/2019 00:04

Lol. Glad it's not just me.

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Notwiththeseknees · 06/04/2019 00:05

Put Immac in his beard shampoo bottle?

OldAndWornOut · 06/04/2019 00:06

Why can't I see the picture?

kaytee87 · 06/04/2019 00:08

Hair removal cream?

Just talk to him op.

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