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AIBU to be annoyed that MIl trapped me?!

(103 Posts)
Shadesorsunnies Fri 05-Apr-19 19:00:50

MIL “What do you think of tattoos?”
Me “I don’t like them but each to their own”
MIL “X (niece) has got one!”
Me “Oh! What is it?”
MIL “A star on her wrist”
Me “Oh well at least it wasn’t the name of a boy or something!”
MIL “She’s done that as well...”.
Me “Oh.”

Next day MIL tells me she’s told niece that I think tattoos are awful, especially boys’ names blah blah blah and niece and SIL (niece‘s mother) are furious at me. confused

I shouldn’t have fallen for it. It’s MIL’s way of telling them SHE doesn’t like them but it was sneaky.angry

winterisstillcoming Fri 05-Apr-19 22:45:58

My Mil and SIL do this all the time. It took me 10 years to shut my mouth. Never give your opinion, and every time she asks your opinion, answer with why? And if she says no reason, change the subject, or just ask her about brexit or something. She'll soon jog along.

Awrite Fri 05-Apr-19 22:48:32

Yeah, that's pretty shitty. Can you explain to niece and sil how it happened?

Shadesorsunnies Fri 05-Apr-19 22:58:10

I don’t talk to SIL or neice unless we’re visiting MIL, they still live in MIL’s town. I’ll just have to let them be mad at me and learn a lesson.

MitziK Fri 05-Apr-19 23:00:24

It's not like she's particularly wrong about getting a bloke's name put on your body, is she? It is a spectacularly shit idea (said as a tattoo lover).

I'd just say 'And? It is a fucking stupid idea'.

Butterfly84 Fri 05-Apr-19 23:05:43

That whole situation is a bit weird:
1. MiL cornering you to say what she wanted to hear.
2. MiL telling niece what you said.
3. MiL using it as a way to say what she thinks.
4......Neice and SiL being furious? Furious really? It's common knowledge that not everyone likes tattoos. If you love your tattoo, would you really give a fig if your auntie doesn't like it?

Peterpiperpickedwrong Fri 05-Apr-19 23:05:44

next time

MIL: what do you think of.....
You: what do you think?
MIL:I asked you first
You:Did you see that programme last night? We really enjoyed it, so and so was in it. They were very good.....

Peterpiperpickedwrong Fri 05-Apr-19 23:06:05

X post!

Shadesorsunnies Fri 05-Apr-19 23:11:47

Butterfly84 It is weird when you put it like that but this is typical MIL. This is all done by phone btw. MIL rang me to ask and then rang me to tell me that SIL and niece were really annoyed. I think she likes to cause trouble. Or as you say, maybe they don’t give a damn and she just wanted me to think they did.

IM0GEN Fri 05-Apr-19 23:15:19

She’s an unpleasant shit stirrer.

Stop chatting to her on the phone, when she calls , put your partner on straight away. She’s his mother, let him deal with the crap.

Have a headache next time you visit . Or better still, a tummy bug that’s infectious and stay at home.

Tolleshunt Fri 05-Apr-19 23:17:30

'Wow, you really like stirring the shit, don't you MIL?'

sue51 Fri 05-Apr-19 23:19:57

She sets bear traps for you and enjoys the shit stirring aftermath. Have you called her out on it?

MrsTerryPratchett Fri 05-Apr-19 23:20:29

It's called triangulation and it's a shitty thing to do. The only way to break it is give MIL nothing and talk directly to people honestly. Except her, because she's the issue.

Shadesorsunnies Fri 05-Apr-19 23:22:27

No I haven’t said anything to her. I’m not really the type to confront people.

Absolutepowercorrupts Fri 05-Apr-19 23:24:25

I think you're probably more annoyed with yourself because you fell for it. Well I know I would be!
Pick your battles, as she's that bad don't give her anything to go on. As pp have said just turn it back to her every time. Just keep deflecting every time.

Incywincybitofa Fri 05-Apr-19 23:26:13

Let's be honest SIL is just as shitty she's known your MIL long enough to know what she's like sounds like she was spoiling to be peed off
They are as bad as each other avoid both

MayLeaveADentInYourSofa Fri 05-Apr-19 23:32:29

Very sly of your MIL.

But also weird that your SIL and niece are annoyed with you. Are you supposed to agree with everything they do?

DancingintheSpoonlight Fri 05-Apr-19 23:39:47

It depends how your MIL told them what your opinions are on the matter as to whether or not they might be expected to be a bit offended.

You said nothing wrong but it could easily be twisted by a shit stirrer. I.e. "Shades thinks tattoos are awful and hates the sound of yours" instead of your "Not a fan but fair enough"

Shadesorsunnies Fri 05-Apr-19 23:40:33

I think MIL is stirring it. Telling SIL and/or neice and then if they said something like “It’s none of her business” (and it isn’t, but I don’t suppose MIL told them that she asked for my opinion) running back to tell me they were angry.

She once passed on something derogatory SIL had said about DH’s job, so I think she’s just causing trouble.

slipperywhensparticus Fri 05-Apr-19 23:43:28

Contact sil tell her you were just agreeing with mil so she wouldn't go on about it?

WonderWorm Fri 05-Apr-19 23:43:40

My mil did stuff like this then would take her 'findings' to my husband and vice versa.
We no longer talk. It's great.

StrawberrySquash Sat 06-Apr-19 00:05:56

'Let's review my opinions in a decade's time.' You're highly likely to have been proved right by then.

Poloshot Sat 06-Apr-19 00:08:07

She asked your opinion and she got it.

DaisyYellow Sat 06-Apr-19 00:11:13

Thank her for putting you in their good books. Yes, I am a fan of sarcasm.

Shadesorsunnies Sat 06-Apr-19 00:15:56

Actually DaisyYellow you’re onto something there. Next time MIL wants us to visit I’ll say I don’t want to because I know I annoyed SIL and neice so I’d rather stay away. I would rather stay away.

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