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Aibu to push dd into sewing club out of school?

(13 Posts)
Hiddenaspie1973 Fri 05-Apr-19 16:16:34

My Dd is lovely. Fun, smart, witty, kind,takes no prisoners and knows her own mind.
However, she's also had friendship issues for the past year and I'm worried about her.
At home she mainly plays on her phone 85%, chats with me 10% and does painting etc 5%.
In the winter, she doesn't play out. Spring summer about 1 x weekly.
I'm think she needs another focus apart from school to help when life is challenging.
So I said she should try sewing club near our home on Saturday afternoon, once monthly. She's creative but very very apprehensive around new people.
She has a serious foot problem, she needs an op and struggles to walk for long and is in constant pain so active clubs are out for now.
She's just cried at my suggestion and she's not a crier 😢
I can't see her rotting away in a sea of you tube shite 😢😥. She's better than that.
AIBU to take her to try out 1 session?

OKBobble Fri 05-Apr-19 16:23:34

I probably wouldn't force my child to do a club that made them cry. Did you ask why? Maybe offer a choice and see if it is that particular club (which sounds dull to me as a non sewer but each to their own) or a club in general. I get what you mean about youtube etc but perhaps if you limit screen time she will seek out other activities to fill the time freed up.

Busholive Fri 05-Apr-19 16:26:20

It depends if there is an anxiety/self esteem issue at play. Some kids just need a kick up the arse to get them into something in which case it'd be fine to take her to one session. Though if she is genuinely very upset/perhaps quite socially anxious then making her go could do more harm than good.

Is there anything you could do together to help build up her confidence? Its unclear whether the sewing club is for children or everyone, if its a big mix of ages could you both go and then you could slowly fade away?

Saying this cautiously because I don't know the age of your DD, is there anything painting/crafty related locally thats a network she could be part of? Eg, I know lots of facebook groups etc. for local craft groups where people chat, share what they've made and set a crafty goal for a day and then everyone makes that thing in their own home. It would be a way of DD talking to others and having another focus but still being in her comfort zone.

Hiddenaspie1973 Fri 05-Apr-19 16:27:51

She said she won't make friends so she may as well be on her own at home with her own stuff.
I told her she's lovely and why wouldn't someone want to talk to her? She's lost some confidence since starting high school.
She says she's happy with the friends she's got. 1 in school, 1 from brownies (She's 12 now, so they've been mates a while, but said mate isn't local and attends another school).

redexpat Fri 05-Apr-19 16:29:23

Id see if there are any other creative activities available. She will need to use one foot for sewing if she is using a machine.

marshmallowkittycat Fri 05-Apr-19 16:30:31

Was the upset at the idea of that club or that she can't do more physically active stuff at the moment and she's frustrated by it?

Although spending all her spare time on YouTube isn't exactly great, i imagine there are other options that don't involve screens. Reading, cooking etc

ILoveMaxiBondi Fri 05-Apr-19 16:31:55

At home she mainly plays on her phone 85%,

Put a stop to that and you’ll she suddenly discovers a desire to go outside and interact with other people.

KnitterOfSocks Fri 05-Apr-19 16:32:58

My sewing machine has an on/off button as well as a foot pedal so she may well not have to use her foot to sew.

Teacherproblem Fri 05-Apr-19 16:35:02

Mine had a bit of a meltdown, cried and had to be persuaded out of the car this time last year for an activity because she really struggled socially.
She fought me every step of the way.

Now she won't miss a session!

Some kids need a push.
Only you know if that's the case.

Whatad Fri 05-Apr-19 16:37:00

How about Speech & Drama class? My dd loves it and has been going since about 5 I think, but she's outgoing to start with. Otherwise, since she's into Art, how about an art class? She wouldn't have to interact massively there unless they were doing something collaborative?

Purpleartichoke Fri 05-Apr-19 16:47:21

It’s reasonable to push her to join something, but I would try to find something she is excited about. If she is nervous, I’d start by finding a parent/child art class. They tend to be one-offs instead of ongoing clubs, but it might give her a chance to see how fun that sort of thing can be.

My dd has some unique needs and we do have to push her a bit on certain things. It’s all about finding a good balance point.

Toooldtocareanymore Fri 05-Apr-19 17:01:40

sounds like it wasn't a success as an idea as she saw through your disguise and doesn't want to be pushed into making friends, so if sewing isn't her thing what else could she do locally, maybe learn to play an instrument, or take her painting to a new level with water colour/oil classes ( though I suspect she wouldn't meet many kids her age there) there may be more kid based art classes though , photography, I think your idea is good but if she's nervous about meeting people and it isn't something she likes anyway, maybe something you could do too then drop , a choir, swimming pool based exercise class might work with her foot but isn't very social- thinking aloud here, or pottery painting, I don't know what's in your locality, and really you want to tie into something that kids her age are doing, so drama is good idea but if she's shy it could be hard to persuade her

ILoveMaxiBondi Fri 05-Apr-19 19:55:59

If she is screen oriented, which it seems she is, how about a computer club/gaming club/coding club/minecraft club?(I’m sure there is something like that in your area) then I would massively limit her screen time at home so that by the time computer club rolls around every week she is busting to get to it.

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