Wanting an elective c-section

[Moonchild1987]

I am not planning on having a child till 2021 and will be ttc next june. My issue is I am not sure I can give birth naturally or if I even should. My mother keeps saying when the time comes I should opt to have a csection, her reason being that i am of a smaller frame like she was and not exactly athletic. I do also suspect I might have fibro or at least show almost all the symptoms. I have been to the gp for 3 years and and still not been able to find a source why my body hurts every winter, why I struggle with energy, that the cold actually makes my sick, also anything fried or spicy is a game of russian roulette for me, all this on top of migraines every 2 months.

My mother gave birth to me naturally and she said it took her 6 months to regain her strength and I don't think she ever fully recovered. All this and hearing how painful it was on her body has made me absolutely petrified. She is worried me going through the same thing she did so is very keen on me taking her advice.

My problem is that i hear there are health benefits for the child giving birth naturally but do wonder if she might have a point in saying giving birth naturally would be at the cost of my own health. I spoke to DP about this and he has said he is supportive of me no matter which option I chose and he will back me 100%. I know the doctor will talk me through this closer to the time but I just worry about being pushed into a natural birth when it might not be what is the best for me and my body.

[Divgirl2]

I don't think anyone can answer this for you but you're not even pregnant yet so it's not really worth worrying about. I don't even know if they do elective CS on the NHS with no medical reason.

And the recovery from a CS is (supposedly) much more difficult than the recovery from a vaginal birth so don't think it's the easy option.

[adriennewillfly]

It's so far away, there's really no point in worrying about it. And if the NHS were to refuse, there's always the option of going private.

[GreenTeacup]

I think you need to have some form of counselling prior to getting pregnant. Your DM seems to have instilled a fear into you.

You are not your DM. Csections often require a much longer recovery period than vaginal birth. However you should be able to get the birth you want.

I have fibromyalgia and it completely disappeared during pregnancy. I have had 5 children and all labours are different and so will you experience.

If the doctors think there are any physical problems, they will offer a c-section anyway.

I suspect you have a fear of childbirth though and you should see your doctor to ask for help.

[NotMyUsualTopBilling]

Fibro shouldn't make a difference, my Mum had twins naturally after being diagnosed and a friend of mine also has fibro had had 2 natural births and 1 planned section. She says the section was far harder to recover from.

Unless you have a narrow pelvis, your midwife will let you know, your size shouldn't matter either.

Some people sail though birth, some don't. Don't let people scare you into making a choice based on their experiences.

[Moonchild1987]

@Divgirl2 i fully get what you mean about me being early to worry about this. I guess part of me just wants this all planned out and figured out before i need to think of a solution how to get the bun out of the oven.

I do realise cs is not the easy option I was just more worried if i am even in a position where i have the strength and energy to give birth naturally.

[MulderitsmeX]

Can you speqk to your GP about getting a diagnosis? I dont know about fibro so not sure if having a c section will be a quicker recovery or if it's just the whole process of giving birth however you do that could knock you.

Fwiw I am the same physique as you and was induced early partially because (i had paid for a 36 week scan) DS was quite big and they were worried i might fail to progress if i went much later (i have a v small frame and DS was 3.5 kg at 38 weeks). Induction was fine and made things pretty quick so think ill be induced again.

If youre not too rural try to chose a really well rated hospital as they will be used to complications. Fibro aside i would think c section is more difficult as your body needs to heal whereas i felt back to normal pretty quickly. (Aside from not sleeping!!)

[Ginnymweasley]

You have a right to a section if that's what you want but you will have to discuss it with a consultant at the time.
In regards to been unable to give birth. Small women give birth all the time so your stature may not affect you. And many many women are not athletic in the slightest. Your mum gave birth quite a while ago i imagine and lots will have changed since then so it's very unfair of her to scare you using her one experience.
I had 2 emergency c sections due to fetal distress, the recovery isn't easy. You are stuck on the bed with a catheter until your spinal wears off, then it is very sore for a few weeks afterwards in my experience. I moved house 6 months after my last c section and while moving things I got horrible twinges round my scar so it's not a quick recovery even if it looks it on the outside. Its major surgery and should be treated as such.

[NotMyUsualTopBilling]

I should also add that I've had 2 sections, 1 emergency and 1 advised so I don't have anything against those but recovery isn't always a walk in the park as I found out after #2.

[MidsomerBurgers]

An Caesarian Section is NOT the easy option. Whether emergency or elective. It is MAJOR abdominal surgery and carries all the same risks as any other operation. Plus the increased risk of aspirating if you needed a general anaesthetic than a non pregnant patient.

[Moonchild1987]

@NotMyUsualTopBilling I don't exactly have a large pelvis which my mum keeps pointing out compared to my cousin. I am glad to hear my fibro should not cause any problems if I should decide on a natural birth.

[StarTheGirl]

Don’t worry about it yet! And when the time comes, don’t ask blimming mumsnet . Ask your mw and / or doctor.

There will be plenty of varying experiences of both on here. I have done both and found the recovery about equal. No major or lasting injuries either way for me or the babies. I appreciate I am lucky.

If you want some c section horror stories, I know of two which have just about put me off thinking of a third dc, as I know I would most likely need to have another section.

I’m sure there are horrible birth stories for either way.

But, ime, most women have a not wonderful / perfect but not horrific birth and recovery.

So, basically, speak to the pros and don’t listen to your mum or anyone else who TELLS you how to give birth. They have no idea, unless maybe they’re an OB-GYN / Consultant Midwife. Even then, nobody should be TELLING you what to do.

[ILoveBray]

I've had 2 caesareans. One emergency and one elective due to my daughter being breech and ill (we knew she would be months beforehand).

If I could have given birth naturally I would have. Caesareans have wrecked my body and the recoveries were long and painful.

I wouldn't go stressing about this now. Certainly don't plan to have a caesarean unless you actually need one.

[hazeyjane]

Any type of birth can be difficult and have long lasting consequences. Of the 3 births I have had, my elective caesarean was by far the worst experience both physically and mentally. I have friends who found an ELCS much easier.

[StarTheGirl]

I will say that my tummy seems to be way worse after my c-section. I think I still look a bit pregnant and my baby is nearly 15mo!

Weirdly, sex was also more painful for me and for longer after the c-section. After the vaginal birth I was right as rain in that region almost immediately 🤷‍♀️.

[MammaMia19]

I've had a c section and a natural birth...
C section for me = extended stay in hospital, allergic reaction to clexane, wound opened up after getting infected, took months to close and heal. I had no feeling in the bottom half of my stomach for a year, couldn't drive whilst recovering. Massive over hang flap of skin which will be there forever. It is also major surgery and I found it very painful after surgery cos you can't really rest with a screaming newborn.
Natural birth =tore naturally had some stitches, was back on the school run 2 days later, driving straight away. Slightly weak bladder but overall it was a walk in the park compared to c section.
A straight forward birth is much easier to recover from than a c section, it's major surgery!

[80sMum]

You'll have scans during the pregnancy which should pick up on any discrepancy between your pelvic size and the size of your baby's head. If there's a mismatch, you would probably be recommended for a c-section anyway. Try not to worry.

[NotMyUsualTopBilling]

It really sounds like you would benefit from speaking to a counsellor before you think about getting pregnant.

I'm sure your Mum means well but I don't think she is helping and it sounds like she is passing her issues onto you, personally I think she might well become a pretty big source of anxiety if/when you do have your own child. I'd be telling her to back off!

[Moonchild1987]

@MulderitsmeX there is no test for it that i know of and basically it can only be done through eliminating other options. unfortunately after a string of patronising gps i have lost any faith in getting help through the nhs and am trying the self help to deal with fibro and so far it has been a very very slow road to recovery. it gets better little by little though i doubt i will ever be fully healthy like the average person. I am glad to hear it is possible though so really appreciate hearing your experience.

[FrowningFlamingo]

When you say you're 'not athletic' do you mean you are unfit or that you are fat?
Either way there's time between 2021 to work on those things, even if it's very slowly given your other problems.
People with fibro tend to have worse outcomes after surgeries, make sure you read reliable resources about each option before make any decisions, don't just listen to anecdotes like your mums'.

[Moonchild1987]

@Ginnymweasley I am so sorry it was a long recovery for you. I think a large part of my fear does stem from my mum. She went from being 49 to just 44kg so I think the whole pregnancy was very rough on her.

[mindutopia]

I wouldn't make a decision for yourself based on someone else's issues and anxieties. Now it may be you have health issues that make your pregnancy complicated. Though to be fair, you may want to consider the impact of these health issues on being a parent as well before you ttc (being pregnant and giving birth is by far the easiest part of having children, the hard, taxing bit doesn't come til after...all 18 years of it).

But I would say that small stature alone should have no impact on whether you can give birth naturally perfectly well. Of course, people do have birth complications that need emergency interventions, but it's not because they are petite. Your baby is half of your genetic material and you really can't grow one that can't fit perfectly fine through your pelvis, assuming good positioning and that you don't have any pelvic abnormalities (like you broke your pelvis and it's held in place with screws, previous rickets diagnosis, etc.). I know someone who is quite small and she gave birth to an 11lb baby perfectly naturally at home (planned home birth) with no complications.

I've had two natural births and I wouldn't personally opt for a c-section, so I'm biased. But I would give some thought down the road to not only how giving birth might impact your body and health, but also how major surgery would. If you already have pain issues, fatigue, prone to infections, that may make a c-section a riskier option for you and surgery too takes a toll on your body and can require months of recovery. In the end, talk about it with your midwife when the time comes and make an informed decision. Ultimately, the best way to give birth is the way that means you can be the most comfortable and relaxed.

[BloodyDisgrace]

but I just worry about being pushed into a natural birth when it might not be what is the best for me and my body - that alone is enough reason to want a c-section. Thinking you don't want pain/afraid of it is a good enough reason too. Wanting "an easier option" is a good enough reason.
I hope you have a good doctor and won't be tricked out of it by all this nonsense you read about "ah it's too late for it", "no it's too early/too late for pain relief" etc. I personally think there's a lot of downright butchery when it comes to giving birth, and we all need to stand our ground.

[Moonchild1987]

@StarTheGirl completely get what you mean. just worried that once in the doctors office of being bullied into a option that would be at the cost of my own health

[SoHotADragonRetired]

Your mum needs to shut up undermining your confidence. You aren't her and your birth won't be hers.

FTR this "small framed" woman has had two normal sized full term babies vaginally with barely a graze despite my mum's birth I was "too small" to give birth vaginally.

You're not even pregnant yet. Tell your mum she isn't you and she's not helping and needs to stick a cork in it, TTC when you're ready, and discuss it with your midwife when you're actually pregnant.

[Moonchild1987]

@ILoveBray I am so sorry to hear that. I do fully realise that cs could be a longer recovery and is by no means an easy option