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To have intervened and embarrassed neighbours’ DD?

(68 Posts)
ThomasRichard Fri 05-Apr-19 13:45:58

I just got up, looked out of my window and just saw my neighbour’s teenage DD get smacked in the face by a boy. They were standing in a big group, laughing and messing around but it was quite a whack. I watched and thought of texting NDN but a few seconds later he grabbed her by the hair and yanked her around. I ran out, asked him WTH he was doing and told him not to touch anyone like that ever again. He denied it and mouthed off, NDN DD did the teenager dying of embarrassment thing, but he moved on.

WIBU? If it had been my DD I’d have been out there in a shot.

MyKingdomForBrie Fri 05-Apr-19 13:48:13

Jesus id have done exactly the same and told her parents ASAP.

Ploppymoodypants Fri 05-Apr-19 13:48:15

I would have done the same, although I guess context is everything. I am assuming she was not laughing and they were not okay fighting?

Ploppymoodypants Fri 05-Apr-19 13:48:47

**play fighting

Jackshouse Fri 05-Apr-19 13:49:42

I would also be telling her parents and/or the police. You were definitely right to intervene.

ThomasRichard Fri 05-Apr-19 13:50:08

She was laughing but it looked like it really hurt. I know boys did things to me at school and I laughed it off even when I wasn’t ok with it or it hurt because y’know female socialisation.

Toooldtocareanymore Fri 05-Apr-19 13:50:26

I would have done exactly the same and I would be telling ndn what I had seen and done

Peterpiperpickedwrong Fri 05-Apr-19 13:50:30

YWNBU. I have stopped my car and (foolishly in hindsight) yelled at a group of lads thumping another lad. It is just instinct to stop them harming someone, especially in your case as you know NDN DD. I would definately mention it to NDN too.

FerdinandAndHisMassiveBalls Fri 05-Apr-19 13:50:43

YANBU but yabu to not have called the police and told the parents.

HighlyUnlikely Fri 05-Apr-19 13:51:09

Yep, I'd have done the same as you. Make sure you tell her parents too. Shame she was embarrassed, but far better you spoke out.

Aquamarine1029 Fri 05-Apr-19 13:52:16

You definitely need to tell the parents. As soon as possible.

BlueMerchant Fri 05-Apr-19 13:52:44

YANBU. Make sure you tell her parents what you saw too.

DrinkFeckArseGirls Fri 05-Apr-19 13:54:26

I’d report it to the police tbh. Otherwise the DD will convince her parents that nothing happened and not to take it further.

justthecat Fri 05-Apr-19 13:54:46

Poor girl, you did right

recrudescence Fri 05-Apr-19 13:55:03

You did the right thing - no subtle or discreet way of intervening in a situation like that.

ThomasRichard Fri 05-Apr-19 13:55:37

I’ll let her parents know. She’ll hate me but there we go, that’s teenagers.

ThomasRichard Fri 05-Apr-19 14:00:53

Text sent. I expect they’ll be over later after work. Poor kid.

ClaireElizabethBeuchampFraser Fri 05-Apr-19 14:01:22

Oh my goodness, I would have done the same. He is lucky it wasn’t my daughter, she would have given him a split lip and a black eye for his trouble (and she is only 9).

I find it very worrying that these other children/ teens were laughing as he physically abused this girl! Please talk to her parents, this girl NEEDS to know that she does NOT have to put up with this kind of abuse! Domestic abuse in young teen relationships is frighteningly common and so many young girls just accept and think this is a normal part of a relationship. My ex neighbour took her own son to the police after he beat his girlfriend up (he was 16), his girlfriend denied it and refused to press charges. I know his parents were beside themselves with worry, they got him anger management therapy and insisted he do abuser courses. They also did everything they could to protect his gf and encourage her to escape the relationship (which she finally did).

He is older now, married with children and his parents say he has turned his life around. I truly hope that is the case for his wife’s sake.

Do you know what school these children go to OP? I would be tempted to contact the head teacher and tell them about this incident. Clearly these kids need a lot more guidance on acceptable behaviour.

Dottierichardson Fri 05-Apr-19 14:04:17

Good for you, it also tells boys that their behaviour unacceptable. If in school I would report this too.

SunshineCake Fri 05-Apr-19 14:07:14

You've done the right thing.

A few years ago I agonised about telling a neighbour something her Dds boyfriend had done and then he did something else so when I never saw her I told her. She was grateful. Dd dumped the boyfriend.

GiveMeAllTheGin8 Fri 05-Apr-19 14:08:08

That’s awful , the poor girl
Have you spoken to her?

JemSynergy Fri 05-Apr-19 14:08:53

I would have done the same and as a parent I would have thanked you for intervening.

Mrsjayy Fri 05-Apr-19 14:09:50

If they were toddlers would you have told him to keep his hands to himself? You did the right thing even if the girl died of embarresment I would let her parents know though

WarpedGalaxy Fri 05-Apr-19 14:14:53

Absolutely right to intervene. Absolutely right to inform the parents. The girl will survive a bit of embarrassment among her peers. What she may not survive is ongoing and escalating violence on the part of this and future domestic partners.

It’s to be hoped she might actually have learned something about not having to put up with unacceptable behaviour like this just because it’s the ‘laugh it off even though you hate it’ norm in her social group. She may not thank you now but one day she will. The others standing around doing nothing is most probably not wanting to stick their heads above the parapet or have the violence turned on them. It’s hard when you’re a teen, even when you’re uncomfortable with certain behaviours you don’t want to be the ‘uncool’ one who objects.

Lovemusic33 Fri 05-Apr-19 14:16:00

I would have done the same, no boy should be raising his hand to a girl even if it was so called “play fighting”. Well done for stepping in even if you did embarrass her, maybe it will make her see that this behaviour is not exceptable from a so called friend.

Sarahjconnor Fri 05-Apr-19 14:16:44

Thanks for sticking up for her OP. She might be embarrassed and hate you now but hopefully the message will stay with her and she will think it over and maybe even avoid these situations in future, not laugh, find her voice, stand up for herself.
Thanks for not turning a blind eye and putting yourself at risk to defend her. You did the right thing.

SunshineCake Fri 05-Apr-19 14:17:44

Next saw her.

Mrsjayy Fri 05-Apr-19 14:18:44

I had to gointo school when one of mine was early highschool because some boy was throwing her about of course it was for a laughhmm but really Dd didn't find it funny but wasn't able to articulate why she didn't like it

Lllot5 Fri 05-Apr-19 14:18:59

I think you did the right thing. I would’ve done the same.

Kobea Fri 05-Apr-19 14:19:50

You did the right thing, if I'd have watched that happen I would have done the exact same and to be quite honest I don't think I'd have been able to stop myself getting hold of the horrid little prick. If I were you I'd try to get hold of his parents too because I would be absolutely disgusted and mortified in my son if he acted that way towards a woman.

Raspberrytruffle Fri 05-Apr-19 14:20:01

I'd like to think if it were my daughter that someone would step in, thankyou op x

LakieLady Fri 05-Apr-19 14:20:48

Well done, OP, you did exactly the right thing. Better to be embarrassed than hurt, imo, and hopefully she'll take a leaf out of your book and not tolerate this sort of shite.

I'd have given the boy a piece of my mind too, in the hope that he might think twice about assaulting girls and women in future.

Still18atheart Fri 05-Apr-19 14:22:34

Yanbu. She might be in embarrassed now but won’t be for long and thank you for it. Also good idea to let parents know

FookMeFookYou Fri 05-Apr-19 14:23:15

A little bit of embarrassment is nothing compared to a lifetime of feeling it's better to keep quiet and let ppl treat you this way. You absolutely did the right thing.

Hope she is ok

werideatdawn Fri 05-Apr-19 14:27:13

You did the right thing OP. When I was about 10 a slightly older boy grabbed me by my neck and punched me in the head "play fighting" I wish an adult had seen and intervened. I just laughed it off sad

Springwalk Fri 05-Apr-19 14:42:27

You have absolutely done the right thing.

purpleleotard Fri 05-Apr-19 14:43:40

Well done
You deserve a reward

GregoryPeckingDuck Fri 05-Apr-19 14:44:33

You need to tell her parents. If she lets boys get away with assaulting her she’s just as likely not say anything if she’s raped. Her parents need to be taking better care of her until she gets more mature.

IWriteCode Fri 05-Apr-19 14:48:15

I join the chorus of voices that say you did the right thing.

TinselAndKnickers Fri 05-Apr-19 14:49:32

She might be "dying of embarrassment" now but as she gets older and grows up, she will be really grateful for you sticking up for her and remember it. Well done OPthanks

Smelborp Fri 05-Apr-19 14:50:07

Hell yes you did the right thing.

UniversalAunt Fri 05-Apr-19 14:54:39

You did the right thing.

adaline Fri 05-Apr-19 15:09:52

You absolutely did the right thing. His behaviour could (and should) and him with a criminal record for assault.

cfmagnet Fri 05-Apr-19 15:15:34

You definitely did the right thing, well done for taking action. Too many people second guess themselves in these situations and their hesitation means that they miss the opportunity to intervene and send the message that it's unacceptable. Also, as a mother of a pre-teen DD, thank you. I worry so much about things like this happening, it's good to know there are people like you who will get involved when necessary.
I remember when I was 13, myself and a friend were walking home from secondary school and ended up surrounded by a group of older teens. They started off "jokingly" taking our bags and throwing them around and it escalated to them pushing and shoving us around and a much older boy slapping me across the face, grabbing my breasts and rubbing his groin against me. Several adults walked past and did nothing to help. Eventually, a car pulled up next to us and a young woman jumped out and verbally tore strips off them while bundling the 2 of us into her car, which had her baby in the back. The poor woman was so upset she was shaking and in tears. She wanted to take us to the police station but we begged her not to so she drove us both to my house and waited until we were inside and waving from the window before she pulled away. She left a big impression on me and I'm sure you'll have done the same for your teenage NDN, even if she doesn't realise it yet. cake and flowers for you, you lovely woman.

DeRigueurMortis Fri 05-Apr-19 15:20:14

You did the right thing OP.

Don't doubt it.

I'd also tell her parents what happened.

Hidingtonothing Fri 05-Apr-19 15:21:02

Absolutely the right thing to do OP, well done flowers

Happynow001 Fri 05-Apr-19 15:21:33

Text sent. I expect they’ll be over later after work. Poor kid.
Well done OP - no doubting you did the right thing and, even if she felt temporarily embarrassed by your actions, I bet she was grateful.

Often people - especially young people/young women in particular want so badly to belong they aren't able to stand up and defend themselves.

Hopefully you've sown those seeds for her, which may well be very useful to her as she goes through life.

SabineUndine Fri 05-Apr-19 15:24:09

Very good that you texted the parents. If the DD thinks that sort of behaviour is ok from a 'friend', her parents need to have a chat with her about self-esteem too.

spongedog Fri 05-Apr-19 15:24:43

yes another here to say well done, you did the right thing. I also do think if they were in school uniform you should tell the school. (Rather than the parents or theirDD, as you witnessed the behaviour).

AllTheFunAndGames Fri 05-Apr-19 15:26:26

You did the right thing and it was very brave of you. I'd imagine her Dparents will be upset but glad you intervened.

Drogosnextwife Fri 05-Apr-19 15:27:22

It really doesn't matter if they were "play fighting", I wouldn't accept that as an excuse for a boy whacking a girl in the face and then yanking her around by the hair hmm.

Bet he doesn't do that to any of the other boys there. I would have been tempted to go out and give him a good whack around the head, see how it made him feel. Wee prick!

talkingjapeneseireallythinkso Fri 05-Apr-19 15:28:48

it's good to know i'm not the only one who is an idiot and wades into the unknown, i'd have [and have done] the same thing as you op.
good for you.

dogandwhistle Fri 05-Apr-19 15:31:15

Well done! You did the right thing. Lots would of ignored it.

Mia1415 Fri 05-Apr-19 15:35:05

Well done OP. You did exactly the right thing.

JingsMahBucket Fri 05-Apr-19 15:39:55

Holy shit. That boy is an abuser in training.

HedgerowTree Fri 05-Apr-19 15:42:10

Thank you for standing up for her.

rainbowstardrops Fri 05-Apr-19 15:49:57

I'd have done the same thing because I'd want someone to help my child.

Chillyegg Fri 05-Apr-19 16:23:59

God that’s awful! What an awful boy! I can’t believe none of them intervened and said we hang on don’t hit anyone you noodle!

outpinked Fri 05-Apr-19 16:25:02

Definitely did the right thing.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy Fri 05-Apr-19 16:32:18

Any reply from your text? Well done. You did the right thing, even if she hates you for it. If he's doing that to her in public, god knows what he could be doing private.

Huskylover1 Fri 05-Apr-19 16:35:07

Yes, I would 100% have intervened. Many years ago, when I was only 20 or so, I witnessed a man pulling his girlfriend around roughly, and I stopped the car, and asked her if she'd like to get into my car away from him. She told me to Fuck Off. At least I tried.

cees Fri 05-Apr-19 16:35:10

You absolutely did the right thing

DesertSky Fri 05-Apr-19 16:35:40

Well done OP. Revolting behaviour covered up as a joke. If he thinks he can get away with it now just imagine how he will treat women as a man.

duckduckgoose2 Fri 05-Apr-19 16:58:21

Perfect as the girl didn’t have to tell on him and have that fallout. People should intervene more.

ThomasRichard Fri 05-Apr-19 17:29:42

That boy is an abuser in training.

That’s exactly what I thought. He was completely denying that he did it, even though I saw him, and saying that he has his own parents to tell him what to do hmm Hopefully I embarrassed him into thinking again.

@talkingjapeneseireallythinkso we can be idiots together. I bravely stood out of stabbing range on my garden path and there are steps so hopefully he’ll be too lazy to put a brick through the window!

Reply from the dad was a text to say thanks for letting him know.

I’ve rung the school before when some of their boys were walking to school smoking weed and being gobby little oiks when I told them not to do it in front of my garage. My DC are only little and I don’t particularly want to be known as the eye-roll-inducing fusspot before they even get there. The girl’s parents are lovely and very switched on so I’m happy to leave it with them.

RuffleCrow Fri 05-Apr-19 17:34:28

Of course you did the right thing. The teenage years are about learning those valuable life lessons about how we treat others and what behaviour we can expect in return.

BlackSatinDancer Fri 05-Apr-19 17:36:50

Well done for intervening and for letting her parents know. You did the right thing.

EmeraldShamrock Sat 06-Apr-19 12:54:18

Jez the little dick head. Every day in the new I am reading about young teenage boys assaulting young lady's.
I read a 2 disgusting cases this week, both young women viciously assaulted by their teenage boyfriends, thankfully they both went to jail.
Wtf is happening to them, their mentality is going backwards.

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