To not know how to broach this(15 Posts)
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I’m on maternity leave and money is a bit tight.
A few months ago my mum offered to pay for a couple of items in my house that needed replaced - the total would be about £1000. I should add that I don’t ever take handouts from my parents but my mum offered and I accepted. I said to her that I could get another few months out of both items but it now got to the point where they absolutely need replaced.
I said to my mum tonight if she could send me the numbers of the people I’d need to fit these items (and purchase them from) as she knows people who would do a good deal and she gave me them saying “you’ll find they’re reasonable and won’t break your bank account”
I don’t know how to approach this I definitely can’t afford at this point in time to replace these items but I don’t want to appear like I’m begging and saying “but don’t you remember the conversation we had?”
What do I do? Would you all say something? I feel really anxious about this and I really don’t want flamed I honestly don’t rely on them for money ever but the offer was greatly received
Just ask if her offer to help still stands and go from there...if not then cross that bridge.
If it does then make sure she knows how grateful.
Would you be comfortable saying something like, Mum can I take you up on your offer to pay for XYZ, I could do with your help now.
It's not grabby to accept an offer of financial help, and as she did offer then I don't think it's too awful to give a little reminder
Ugh - poor you!! I know exactly how you feel. It's really awful when someone offers help and then retracts - worse than if they hadn't offered at all! And worse when it is your mum
"Hi mum. I hate to bring this up but you did say that you would give me a hand when it came to paying for those jobs. I would only ask at all because my back is up against the wall. If the offer still stands, I would be so grateful to you, mum
I’ll try and word it similarly to what has been said here.
To give you an idea she told me an item that she’d like for mother’s day and I asked her to order it and I’d transfer the money (this is very normal for us when doing gifts as she is impossible to buy for).
So Mother’s Day I showed up with a card, flowers and chocolates and asked her how much I was to send her for her purchase of said item. She then got really arsey and said she didn’t want that anymore and just to forget it. My dad stepped in and said to her that she was being unreasonable - I’d showed up with gifts and had confirmed she’d bought the item and I’m not a mind reader. She really took the humph.
I’m not sure if she’s pissed of with that (even though my dad put her in her place over it)
The more I write the more I think I’ll just take a loan and pay it back for the things I need
Haven’t you heard about ‘it’s the thought that counts?’
I’d be annoyed to buy my own gift and wait repayment - how thoughtless
No wonder she’s pissed off
I don't think you should get a loan -hold her to her promises
It depends what items and how desperate you are for them, but I'd not want to remind her. Very unlikely she's forgotten more changed her mind.
Could you ask your dad whether the offer's still open?
It's so unfair of her if she just doesn't mention it again.
You know what, I wouldn't mention it to her again given the arsey attitude when the way you normally do things is wrong.
People are going to come on and tell you how unreasonable you are and obviously she's got dementia if it's out of character and to 'be kind'.
Not sure where that leaves you though. Second hand?
@GreenTulips. If you read the post she said it was normal to do it this way, ie her mother buy and she puts the money in the bank account, implying that that way she gets it right. She also turned up with flowers and chocolates, aka presents, so really her mum has no need to be ‘pissed off’
Op I would just get a loan and chalk it up to experience, if she mentions it then she can hand the money over and you can repay the loan
Not sure if you read the full post but this is how we normally do presents. She’ll send me money or I’ll send it to her. We have an agreement not to buy each other tat so once we’ve decided what we want we buy it and the other person sends the money.
Uch the more I think about it the more I just cringe at the thought of asking her. I am terrible at this sort of thing.
I met with my mum today and highlighted again that I would need these things done in the house and that I can’t afford it. She said “best wait til you’re back at work then..”
Honestly why offer someone money to help them and then take it away.
Have decided to apply for a loan.
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