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not to give her a lift?

(113 Posts)
thefairyfellersmasterstroke Thu 04-Apr-19 21:40:19

Or am I being an unhelpful bitch?

We're talking about two teenagers here, both still living at home with parents

DS's girlfriend lives rurally with no public transport, and when they go out she usually takes her car to avoid walking home along a dark deserted country lane. DS doesn't drive.

Tonight they've gone into town and GF has left her car as she wants to have a drink. DS has asked me if I would meet them off the bus when they return, and drive GF home. I asked why her parents can't collect her, but apparently they need to sleep early because they are working tomorrow (so am I!). It would take them barely 10 minutes to do, whereas it will take me about 25.

They will be arriving back around midnight, and although I'm usually awake at this time, I don't especially want to be going out at that time of night to take her home so her parents can get their beauty sleep. But I don't have any excuse not to, I just don't want to and don't feel it's my responsibilty.

Would IBU to suggest she just gets a taxi? I know she has no money and my son would end up paying. What would you do?

thefairyfellersmasterstroke Thu 04-Apr-19 22:13:11

To respond to a few comments, she does drive him around a lot, but she hardly goes anywhere without her car. He pays for all her petrol (even when he's not out with her) and pays for everything when they go out as he is working and she is a student. Both 19.

Yes, it is a bit of cheek that the house isn't good enought but my car is - on this occasion at least! She has wrinkled her nose at the state of my car in the past, but I'm guessing she thinks beggars can't be choosers...

happyhillock Thu 04-Apr-19 22:14:17

I wouldn't be letting them sleep together anyway, she can have his bed, he can sleep on the settee, i wouldn't be driving her home at that time of night, your son can learn to drive then they can take turns to drive.

Drogosnextwife Thu 04-Apr-19 22:14:19

TBF I doubt I could sleep in a single bed with another fully grown adult, so that's not really "not being good enough for her" is it?

If I was awake anyway I would take her home, but it sounds like you don't like her very much anyway so just say no.

Peterpiperpickedwrong Thu 04-Apr-19 22:15:39

God I squashed into my boyfriends single for years! How old are they? And why would he have to pay for her taxi? Why not her?
If she isn’t prepared to ask her parents to give her a lift then def taxi. If DS is sucker enough to pay for it because she isn’t prepared to cosy up for the night that’s on him.
Having said that I have lost count of how often we have dropped DC girlfriend home because we think it’s too cold/far/late for a teen to walk! we are far too soft.

SaltSpoon Thu 04-Apr-19 22:16:03

Ah, give her a lift!

Chocolate35 Thu 04-Apr-19 22:16:33

Sod that! I take my teens friends home when their parents are working or at home with a little one. No one WANTS to do these trips, we do it because it’s our children so our responsibility. Her parents should pick her up or she should get a cab or she should share a single bed cuddled up with her boyfriend. She sounds like a brat.

70isaLimitNotaTarget Thu 04-Apr-19 22:17:10

She can have your DS bed , he can have the sofa.

If it was your DS driving her about , I think you'd be thinking differently maybe ?

At least she's not planning to drink and drive .

Andylion Thu 04-Apr-19 22:19:18

But I don't have any excuse not to

Yes you do. You have to work early tomorrow just as her parents do.
A one-off if you had been given notice? Maybe. But this sound like cheeky territory.

FrancisCrawford Thu 04-Apr-19 22:20:14

It’s up to her to make her arrangements to get home safely.

If she chooses not to drive, then she needs to either get a taxi or persuade her parents to come and get her. It’s a real cheek to expect you to do that at midnight on a week day.

Personally, I’d tell her she is welcome to stay with you, but you won’t be able to give her a lift. On acco7 t of the fact you are working early tomorrow.

JonSlow Thu 04-Apr-19 22:20:59

So if her parents were doing the taxi duties, they’d just pick her up and leave your DS at the bus stop?

GabsAlot Thu 04-Apr-19 22:22:50

er why should u shes not your daughter-theyre driving arrangement has nothng to do with it

Kaddm Thu 04-Apr-19 22:22:52

I’d get them on this occasion and just say quietly to your ds afterwards that please could they make sure they arrange stuff in advance.

BackforGood Thu 04-Apr-19 22:23:01

I would, because sometimes it is nice to have a drink.
Maybe one day she would pick you up from somewhere so you can have a drink.
You've said you are usually still awake then anyway, and it's not something they ask generally - it is a one off.
She drives your ds all over, which potentially saves you some lift giving ?

In my thinking, it is a bit of give and take and doing something nice for someone.

I do get the impression from the tone of your posts, that you don't like her though.

thefairyfellersmasterstroke Thu 04-Apr-19 22:23:50

TBF I doubt I could sleep in a single bed with another fully grown adult, so that's not really "not being good enough for her" is it?

There's more - that was just for the person who thought there was an issue in her not wanting to sleep with her boyfriend. I'm not going into it all though as it's not really relevant to my AIBU.

You don't like her much, do you

She's alright, just a bit precious. She treats her parents with utter disdain (typical teenage girl!) and I feel she does a little with me too, which is probably what's making me less inclined to want to help out. Parent gave her the car so I suspect they regard her as being responsible for her own travel arrangements now. I imagind they'd think me a mug if I do this.

ReallyReallyNo Thu 04-Apr-19 22:26:55

“No, you’ll have to make your own arrangements I.e taxi or she calls her parents.”
Don’t get in to a debate and don’t apologise for saying no.

ErickBroch Thu 04-Apr-19 22:27:00

I wouldn't mind but not at midnight. I think it's more of a problem with your DS that he would ask his mum, at 19 years old, to pick him and his gf up on a work-night at midnight? Get a bloody cab.

hungryfortheinvisible Thu 04-Apr-19 22:27:43

I think you should give her a lift on this occasion. Not because it's your responsibility, but because a single, young female out at night is potentially vulnerable. It may be that your son has said you can take her home and she has subsequently told her parents that. Maybe everyone thinks the arrangement is in place and that's it. Really, I think the issue is how your son handled this with you. And perhaps that's the conversation to have for the future. But tonight, when they've both been drinking, as you're going to pick him up anyway, pick her up too, make sure everyone is home safe and then address it tomorrow.

Alternatively, if he could pay for her to get a cab home, why doesn't he pay for them to both get a cab to your house, or hers (if that's her preference)?

bobo26 Thu 04-Apr-19 22:32:57

You seem to dislike the girl...

I would do it as a favour to your son. Assuming he's never asked you to do this before?

Yabbers Thu 04-Apr-19 22:36:12

but because a single, young female out at night is potentially vulnerable

Seems not to bother her own parents. Who, I’m fairly certain bought a car for her so they didn’t have to ferry her about at midnight.

If they can afford a drink, they can afford a taxi.

thefairyfellersmasterstroke Thu 04-Apr-19 22:39:54

Staying over is really not an option, she has rejected the offer of the bed/sofa arrangement several times before - she will only sleep with him or not stay at all.

So if her parents were doing the taxi duties, they’d just pick her up and leave your DS at the bus stop?

I suspect her dad would - he once collected them from the airport after a holiday and wouldn't drive DS home. Dropped him in the town centre and I had to go and get him and his luggage. I didn't mind, but I've got them from the airport about 5 times now and always take her home.

hungryfortheinvisible Thu 04-Apr-19 22:44:49

@Yabbers I meant on the basis that the parents think she's being given a lift home already.

Their parents don't sound very caring though based on not taking the OPs son all the way home from the airport.

Drogosnextwife Thu 04-Apr-19 22:48:07

See I think all the extra stuff is relevant, after your updates it sounds like she's a bit of a spoilt brat that has an attitude, so I wouldn't be doing her any favours. If she was a lovely woman who was polite and hadn't been a brat towards me I would give her a lift without hesitation.

leafy22 Thu 04-Apr-19 22:48:04

Give her the lift .. she's doing the right thing and being responsible... it's just a one time ask it sounds like.

Yabbers Thu 04-Apr-19 22:49:09

Why are they any worse than the OP, who doesn’t want to give GF a lift either?

You have no idea what their deal is. They may well be sick of this lad mooching lifts off GF all the time.

Brienneoftarthiloveyou Thu 04-Apr-19 22:49:48

Just say no Op - no excuses, just tell them you're going to bed as have work the next day. Like you say, she's welcome to stay over but if she doesn't want to, that's her choice.

Plus they're both adults, so should be able to sort themselves out when they go out drinking for a night.

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