Advanced search

AIBU to think this is an odd request from a new work colleague?

(244 Posts)
Jellyhater Thu 04-Apr-19 21:05:57

I work in residential care and have just employed a new member of staff. We discussed sleep-ins and she said that she would be able to do one a month on average but would try to be as flexible as possible.

She is now saying that sleep-ins are going to be a problem for her as the other member of staff on duty for that shift is male. He will be in another bedroom at the other end of the house if he is sleeping in, or will be working in the office/ laundry area if he is doing a waking night shift.

She has asked that I facilitate her husband being able to meet this particular member of staff to alleviate his anxieties about her being away from home. There are other men that work in the home, so any of them could cover this shift at any point - does the husband want to vet the whole staff team?!

I want to be a sarky cow and remind her that she had many weeks to tell me that this is going to cause problems but has chosen not to. I am feeling a bit frustrated that she thinks she can manipulate the roster to her benefit and that she is implying that the male staff are not trustworthy. I absolutely will not be arranging any meetings for the husband. A tiny part of me is concerned that this might be some kind of DV issue.

I've not been able to discuss this with anyone at work but AIBU to think she is probably going to be more trouble than she is worth?

churchthecat Thu 18-Apr-19 20:43:22

Haha! Hooray! What reason did she give?

BabyDueDecember2019 Thu 18-Apr-19 21:08:47


EL8888 Fri 19-Apr-19 09:56:16

Phew! I think that’s for the best

Jellyhater Fri 19-Apr-19 10:20:44

She didn’t give a reason and I just accepted it without further discussion!

She still continues to sign her emails off as ‘best’ and that is starting to irk me!

WellThisIsShit Fri 19-Apr-19 22:03:16

Her reason: ‘My boss wouldn’t fall for my cheap tricks so I’m off to find somewhere else more easily swayed’

Jellyhater Fri 26-Apr-19 07:41:12

We have had CQC in this week for an inspection so I’m so glad that this was dealt with before the inspector walked in the door. I had a gut-feeling they were coming so comments on here really spurred me on to deal with this employee.

Thanks to everyone who replied, it is much appreciated.

And if you are interested, my service is offically Outstanding!

Bloodybridget Fri 26-Apr-19 07:44:19

Congratulations Jellyhater, I didn't comment on the thread but read quite a lot of it weeks ago. Glad it is all resolved and that you did so well in the inspection.

TheweewitchRoz Fri 26-Apr-19 08:22:12

Congrats grin

Jellyhater Fri 26-Apr-19 13:34:20

She has emailed me today:

Thanks for outlining that the director doesn't require me to work my notice period.

I have asked one of the support workers to explain to 2 of the residents that I can't work weekends anymore, so I won't be coming back. I didn't want them to feel any more rejection and have more unfinished endings. My decision had nothing to do with them. The support worker said she'd also send my best to the rest of the team.

I would welcome an opportunity to have an exit interview so that I can explain face to face some of my frustrations and challenges. The team have all been so welcoming and kind to me; but all people need leadership, nurturing, communication and clarity. I'm sure we can both learn from some feedback on either side. Please let me know a time that would suit you. A telephone call would be great if you can't find time for a meeting.
Thanks again for the opportunity. I'm sorry that due to a miscommunication early on in the recruitment process it didn't work out.



When will this be over?!

I’m well aware of my shortcomings. I don’t need someone new to the role listing of her perception of where I could do better!! 🤦🏽‍♀️

OffToBedhampton Fri 26-Apr-19 13:43:58

FFS . You don't need to offer her an exit interview and there was no misunderstanding in the interview process. I really hope any reference you give her merely states
"MsBS was employed here from X date to y date"
Then say nothing else.

That's legal, she can't complain about that, and some places do that as standard. But if I read that and saw how short a time she worked at a CQC registered Outstanding service, I'd guess she was problematic and watch her closely in probation period

Macaroonmayhem Fri 26-Apr-19 13:48:39

“I don’t believe an exit interview is necessary in this case.



insecure123 Fri 26-Apr-19 14:02:56

Hmmm it sounds to me like she has something irking her and isn't going to let it lie. While it is annoying and you probably don't have the time for it I would be inclined to give her the exit interview. Have another person there to take a note of the meeting. That way you haven't refused, you have covered all bases and given her the opportunity to put herside across and yours too and it is on record should there be any comeback further down the line. Sounds like she could try and cause bother

Motoko Fri 26-Apr-19 14:27:33

Wow, how passive aggressive is that?
"The team have all been so welcoming and kind to me; but all people need leadership, nurturing, communication and clarity. I'm sure we can both learn from some feedback on either side."

So, she's laying the blame on your management skills, (but the rest of the team were all so lovely) and still asserting that she never said she could work any weekends, but that you "misunderstood" her, ie, she'd like to call you a liar, but knows she can't do that.

I think you should speak to HR. If there's any way she could come back at you if you refuse the exit interview, then you'll have to do one, just to cover yourself (and make sure it's recorded), but if she can't, then just refuse her. She's a fucking trouble maker, but knows how to play the system.

Jellyhater Fri 26-Apr-19 16:31:05

I’m doing nothing. Just ignoring.

We use remote HR services.

Working weekends was never the problem. It was sleep-ins. Her story has changed yet again.

At this point in the game, I really couldn’t care less about her thoughts and feelings towards me. But the pure arrogance that some of the residents will even care that she has gone and that she hasn’t even been there 6 weeks. They have no clue who she is. Some days, they don’t recognise me and I’m there Mon-Fri and have been since 2011!

Mia184 Fri 26-Apr-19 16:45:40

Jellyhater Do you remember how long she stayed in her previous jobs? She sounds like a troublemaker. I wouldn‘t be surprised if she were to escalate things if you ignore her request.

Jellyhater Fri 26-Apr-19 16:53:18

Mia184 - longer than 6 weeks! Off the top of my head, it was not lots of jobs in a short period of time.

Not sure she can go further except to my boss who is the owner/ Director. And as she resigned and is/ was still in probation, there isn’t much to be said. I know for a fact my boss finds staffing issues tedious and boring and his response will be something along the lines of ‘I pay you to deal with this level of banality’.

The purpose of exit interviews is more about them being a tool for business development. In this case, she was just not the right fit for us.

FriarTuck Fri 26-Apr-19 17:17:29

Make sure you document all of this fully (a printout of this thread would do!) just in case she tries anything at a later date, including the other person't recollection of the interview.
You are well rid! She's a contender for CF of the Year.

OffToBedhampton Fri 26-Apr-19 17:24:22

Sounds like your service had a lucky break that she imploded so soon. I'm sure you've recorded her misrepresentation of facts(we found her statements to be dishonest) and inability to meet requirements of the role.

WellThisIsShit Fri 26-Apr-19 22:08:02

Wow she is lovely isn’t she?!

She so desperately wants to kick you on the way out. Just trying to get one more chance to make herself feel superior by ‘winning’ in some imaginary game.

I wonder if she’s in control of herself enough to realise how bizarrely fixated she is. She’s fabricated this whole tale of her as star player, beloved of staff and service users alike, but she just couldn’t stay somewhere with such terrible lack of leadership.... the evil villain of the piece, in fact, is YOU smile

Join the discussion

Registering is free, quick, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Get started »