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AIBU to want to divorce?

(8 Posts)
Amongstthewildthings Thu 04-Apr-19 08:16:16

I am 29 and feeling quite unsatisfied in my marriage of 5 years.

I'll try to keep this balanced:

Very loyal
Very affectionate
I trust him completely
Family oriented
Has been with me through some very hard personal traumas
I feel safe with him

When he drinks gets very drunk (not abusive or violent, but annoying)
I am no longer interested in having sex
We don't have many of the same interests
Can be grumpy
He is far less chatty than me

I feel like my expectations for relationships are quite low. As long as he isn't abusive or unfaithful, I've been able to tolerate the boredom, irritation and lack of connection. Do I just need to move on here? I'm afraid of not meeting anyone else in future, and definitely don't want to jump into the snake pit of online dating. When I read stories on Mumsnet I think staying with a slightly boring man is better than staying with someone vile.

Home77 Thu 04-Apr-19 08:22:14

Have you any children yet?

I think with me of these maybe could look at what is going on underneath? For example is something causing the drinking and grumpiness?- as he sounds nice on other ways. Having different interests is Ok.

Home77 Thu 04-Apr-19 08:22:47

Sorry I meant to say "I think with some of the things"

Amongstthewildthings Thu 04-Apr-19 08:24:46

No children, he is a very good hearted man, but I don't feel we connect anymore. I think in the beginning it was infatuation/sex and with time there's not much left to connect us. We do like going out for meals and to the cinema, but that's the extent of it. He likes going to the pub, but I am more interested in travel, animals, etc.

AmIRightOrAMeringue Thu 04-Apr-19 08:30:55

Hi OP it reads like you're with him because you think the alternatives are worse rather than any positive reason.

Why do you think you've got to choose a boring man or a vile one? What's wrong with being single and having fun?

Amongstthewildthings Thu 04-Apr-19 08:32:52

@AmIRight, honestly I am scared. I have generalised anxiety disorder and tend to catastrophize i.e worry about not meeting a new partner, being cheated on, I worry about everything. I think a huge part of me does want to be single and have fun, but at nearly 30 I have an (irrational) fear that it would be unwise.

LostInShoebiz Thu 04-Apr-19 08:36:59

The grass is almost always greener. Could you live quite happily in a similar way to this forever? If yes, then I’d say don’t divorce because your standard of living will drop, dating is no fun and there will be such a lot of heartache caused by a divorce.

wonderingsoul Thu 04-Apr-19 08:43:44

Personally I would talk to him and try and re light that spark. Plan some adventures, get your sex life back.

When there is no abuse I dont understand why some dont even try on their marriages. It's not going to be fun and games all the time, loving is just as much a choice as it is a feeling.

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