Clearly, something is very wrong. I've always known and kept it in mind but never understood fully.
A few highlights:
They pretended to have cancer for over a year, including shaving their head and claiming it was due to chemo. It hurt so many people when the truth came out and when their motives were questioned, they claimed they felt neglected and that they weren't getting enough attention.
Tells constant lies that they seem to fully believe. When recounting the past details are severely twisted, usually in a way to make them look better.
In a conversation talks consistently about themselves, will occasionally ask how you are but will talk over your answer and switch the conversation back to them at the earliest convenience. Will also happily interrupt you mid sentence and start talking about an entirely new topic related to themselves. This is a constant habit.
They need to be the centre of attention, and will create drama to twist the attention on to them if they aren't getting enough (this happened at both my wedding and my baby shower, leaving both ruined)
Lied about the paternity of two children, leaving two heartbroken children and 'dad' after I paid privately to find out the truth.
They have no filter, and often say really nasty, hurtful things and don't understand when people get upset. They are especially bad for this online (think along the lines of commenting on someone's Facebook picture saying they look tired etc)
They claimed my son isn't a real grandchild as he lives too far away, we live less than an hour away and they can drive. They've visited me once in the past 16 months.
I could go on, and on. I've had a lifetime of this.
AIBU?
To ask if anyone understands what's wrong with this person?
Garlicsticks · 03/04/2019 21:38
Oh my word. I have no idea, but I hope somebody suitability experienced can shed some light for you 
Might be Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Whatever it is, I’d be inclined to limit contact or even go no contact. 
Well, I think you know it's not normal behaviour, but no one can do an armchair diagnosis.
My DM has, what I affectionately term, issues.
It's taken awhile but I have firm boundaries, and contact is on my terms. She can be quite cruel and change reality in her mind, literally, convince herself something happened differently.
But in the end it doesn't really matter what's 'wrong' with her.
For your own well-being, you have to decide how much contact you are happy with and on what terms you're comfortable to accept her behaviour. You are not responsible for her or her happiness.
You're definitely not alone, OP, in dealing with a toxic DM. You'll get lots of support here. 
I had an ex (we lived together) who did things like that - lied about all sorts, put a blanket on the back seat of his car so he could tell his workmates he had a dog, wrote himself letters from imaginary girls and put them through the letterbox to make me jealous etc. He told me his ex-girlfriend's mother had died (maybe to give him a reason to go and see her) until we had a postcard from the family with her name on, even then he tried to say they put the Mums name on there to feel like she was still around! Later he told me his Dad had died (they weren't very close) and cried, and I was supportive etc for ages until one day his Dad rang up!
I told him he was really sick and weird, but he just couldn't see it. He was also violent and controlling, and I have no idea whether there would be any particular diagnosis mentally - some people are just vile! But the references above to narcissism could be true, i.e. it's all about them! I don't know if your mother would fit any labels but you must have had an awful life with her, and please be reassured that it's not you, it's her!! Keep contact to a minimum and don't take it personally, she sounds dreadful!
Don’t want to miss threads like this?
Weekly
Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!
Log in to update your newsletter preferences.
You've subscribed!
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.