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To ask if anyone understands what's wrong with this person?

(26 Posts)
Garlicsticks Wed 03-Apr-19 21:38:02

Clearly, something is very wrong. I've always known and kept it in mind but never understood fully.

A few highlights:

They pretended to have cancer for over a year, including shaving their head and claiming it was due to chemo. It hurt so many people when the truth came out and when their motives were questioned, they claimed they felt neglected and that they weren't getting enough attention.

Tells constant lies that they seem to fully believe. When recounting the past details are severely twisted, usually in a way to make them look better.

In a conversation talks consistently about themselves, will occasionally ask how you are but will talk over your answer and switch the conversation back to them at the earliest convenience. Will also happily interrupt you mid sentence and start talking about an entirely new topic related to themselves. This is a constant habit.

They need to be the centre of attention, and will create drama to twist the attention on to them if they aren't getting enough (this happened at both my wedding and my baby shower, leaving both ruined)

Lied about the paternity of two children, leaving two heartbroken children and 'dad' after I paid privately to find out the truth.

They have no filter, and often say really nasty, hurtful things and don't understand when people get upset. They are especially bad for this online (think along the lines of commenting on someone's Facebook picture saying they look tired etc)

They claimed my son isn't a real grandchild as he lives too far away, we live less than an hour away and they can drive. They've visited me once in the past 16 months.

I could go on, and on. I've had a lifetime of this.

Garlicsticks Wed 03-Apr-19 21:39:14

I feel I can't go on making excuses for their behaviour without understanding what is actually wrong with them.

gamerchick Wed 03-Apr-19 21:40:41

Is this a parent? Low contact sounds like the way to go. These people don't change.

hotstepper4 Wed 03-Apr-19 21:41:09

Sounds like Histrionic Personality Disorder, give it a Google. Not normal behaviour at all, chilling 😔

TripleSeptic Wed 03-Apr-19 21:41:19

Oh my word. I have no idea, but I hope somebody suitability experienced can shed some light for you shock

ScatteredMama82 Wed 03-Apr-19 21:42:07

Wait what, someone pretended they have cancer?? After losing my mum to cancer and having been through a couple of weeks of hell waiting to find out if I have breast cancer (I don't thank God) this alone is unforgiveable. There is something seriously wrong with that person.

nokidshere Wed 03-Apr-19 21:43:50

🤷🏼‍♀️ sounds like classic attention seeking behaviour. Why do you still see "this person"? Mum/mil?

IHateUncleJamie Wed 03-Apr-19 21:44:17

Might be Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Whatever it is, I’d be inclined to limit contact or even go no contact. confused

Arion Wed 03-Apr-19 21:45:02

Have a look at histrionic personality disorder. There will be links to it in the DSM, but Wikipedia looked like quite a comprehensive account.

ginghamstarfish Wed 03-Apr-19 21:49:49

Sorry I don't know but I wouldn't have contact with this person if it was a relative of mine.

Ambi Wed 03-Apr-19 21:51:22

Your SIL? She sounds like a crazy bitch. I wouldn't go anywhere near her or have her on my social media.

Garlicsticks Wed 03-Apr-19 21:52:43

Yes, She pretended to have cancer for well over a year. This was just after the truth surfaced about a historical affair decades ago leading to two of us finding out our dad isn't our dad. They had always been difficult but that was breaking point - until suddenly they had cancer and needed support and everyone pulled together. They afterwards claimed they did it for attention as they felt neglected. It was at this point our lifelong suspicions of something being mentally wrong were very much confirmed, their complete and utter lack of understanding of what they'd done wrong was rather alarming and I don't think anybody knew how to handle it. I guess I've always just known there's something not right and that I need to handle them differently so I've taken a lot more shit than I should. I genuinely believe if any of the family went no contact with her she'd be baffled as to why. She seems to have a very selective memory and sees herself as a perfect person who is nothing but kind and sweet. It's insufferable.

Samind Wed 03-Apr-19 21:53:00

Are they aware something is wrong with them? Do they make excuses of defend themselves?

Garlicsticks Wed 03-Apr-19 21:53:21

I was trying to keep it vague but yes, it is my mother.

Samind Wed 03-Apr-19 21:53:38

Sorry cross posted there

snowdrop6 Wed 03-Apr-19 22:10:00

Bpd .possibly
Most probably just a nasty piece of work.

HeyCarrieAnneWhatsYourGame Wed 03-Apr-19 22:15:47

I know someone with BPD like this. Cut her out because she’s a dick. Harder when it’s your mum.

HarrysOwl Wed 03-Apr-19 22:16:30

Well, I think you know it's not normal behaviour, but no one can do an armchair diagnosis.

My DM has, what I affectionately term, issues.

It's taken awhile but I have firm boundaries, and contact is on my terms. She can be quite cruel and change reality in her mind, literally, convince herself something happened differently.

But in the end it doesn't really matter what's 'wrong' with her.

For your own well-being, you have to decide how much contact you are happy with and on what terms you're comfortable to accept her behaviour. You are not responsible for her or her happiness.

You're definitely not alone, OP, in dealing with a toxic DM. You'll get lots of support here. flowers

user1473878824 Wed 03-Apr-19 22:18:43

Oh OP you poor thing. I’m so sorry. flowers

DishingOutDone Wed 03-Apr-19 22:30:37

Yes that sounds like a serious personality disorder and obviously entrenched - when did it start, were you a child? That sounds beyond difficult - did she care for you at all, take you to school, cleaning and cooking etc?

They've visited me once in the past 16 months - once too often.

What do you want to do OP, go NC? Get psychiatric help for her?

Ilovemypantry Wed 03-Apr-19 22:44:16

Sad situation but only you can decide how to handle it.

Whysoannoying Wed 03-Apr-19 22:46:22

I had an ex (we lived together) who did things like that - lied about all sorts, put a blanket on the back seat of his car so he could tell his workmates he had a dog, wrote himself letters from imaginary girls and put them through the letterbox to make me jealous etc. He told me his ex-girlfriend's mother had died (maybe to give him a reason to go and see her) until we had a postcard from the family with her name on, even then he tried to say they put the Mums name on there to feel like she was still around! Later he told me his Dad had died (they weren't very close) and cried, and I was supportive etc for ages until one day his Dad rang up!

I told him he was really sick and weird, but he just couldn't see it. He was also violent and controlling, and I have no idea whether there would be any particular diagnosis mentally - some people are just vile! But the references above to narcissism could be true, i.e. it's all about them! I don't know if your mother would fit any labels but you must have had an awful life with her, and please be reassured that it's not you, it's her!! Keep contact to a minimum and don't take it personally, she sounds dreadful! flowers

Absolutepowercorrupts Wed 03-Apr-19 22:51:48

There is a thread on the Relationship board, called 'but we took you to stately homes'
I think it's pinned at the top of the board.
You will find a great deal of help there. It's all about toxic parents and how to deal with them
As pp have said you cannot change her, someone who can behave so disgracefully and tell such appalling lies will not change now. All you can do is change your reactions. To go forward with any relationship with her should be on your terms.
I thought mine was bad but to lie about having cancer is truly despicable.
I'm no contact with the person who gave birth to me and my life is calmer and very peaceful now I don't have to deal with her shit any more. I'm old now and she's older obviously, she'll be 87 this year and I'll probably never see her again. I'm not bothered about that. Please don't leave it as long as I did.
Walk away, the freedom offsets the guilt and it's very liberating

Jux Wed 03-Apr-19 23:26:38

Go NC or LC. You will find your life instantly improves.

afromami Thu 04-Apr-19 00:25:44

I know someone who was diagnosed with munchausens. Sounds similar. It's very hard to make a diagnosis though. Sounds like your person has issues regardless...

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