To ask if some babies are just harder to make smile?!

[MaidofMuswell]

Posted few times about anxiety and worries with newborn most of which are under control thanks to sertraline and cbt :) Now in what I think is a non anxious but still probably not totally calm mind wondering if dd 11weeks just different sort of baby altogether to ds but not unusual as such. With him once he started smiling was pretty often most days, with her we do get a few a day, often at quite random stuff like total stranger who smiles into pram rather than say granny who she sees a lot and is always beaming at her, and also often in morning or at songs but can take a lot of effort and by no means always smiles back when smiled at even by me and her dad. In madder moments worry she’s unhappy and she has had rougher run with some colic and bad reaction to jabs but overall think she’s just a bit less smiley in temperament than my son who was / is actually quite needy and keen to please. Has anyone had experience of less smiley kids? Did they warm up later or just an early sign of their more reserved personality?

[Ploppymoodypants]

So DD2 is really smiley. DD1 was a lovely calm contented baby, but didn’t even smile every day.
DD2 smiles coyly at everyone and beams at me and her sister as soon as she sees us. If I had had DD2 first, I would have worried DD1 was unhappy. But she wasn’t, she was just calmer.

Not sure if that helps...

[Divgirl2]

All people are different, including babies. She's only 11 weeks, it's still very young to be at all interactive, never mind smiling socially.

Relax, she's fine.

[EggplantVestibule]

Same here, DS1 was a smiley baby, beamed atanything and everything, still does six years later, albeit with some attitude now. DS2 smiles from time to time, but was generally much more laid back and calm. He just wasn't as easily excitable as DS1, still isn't. He's now four and is still a calm, fairly serious child, but funnier than he realises. It's all about personality, every child and every baby is different, no better or worse, just different.

[Taneartagam]

I would swear my son never smiled til he was 18 months old. He was a grumpy baby. Really didn't seem that bothered or interested in me at all. My dh said at the time: of course he smiles! But I never saw one and I was a sahm so with him all the time. I took a photo of him at 18 months old as I was beginning to think it might be a sign of autism when he did start smiling and he is now the most easy going, smiliest 10 year old at home. He is nothing like the baby he was. However, on meeting new people or in social settings he can be very solemn and earnest until really he gets to know who he is with. Maybe he was just deciding whether or not to stick with me in those first 18 months! He is probably a bit more introverted than me or dh or his siblings. Which just makes him even more adorable.

[Absofrigginlootly]

My DD was much harder work to get her to crack a smile and she rarely laughed - at 4 she’s the same way really, very serious.

My DS is a happy smiley little soul who I could just gobble up and laughs at basically everything (this evening he laughed at me making dog noises and cleaning my teeth?!)

HOWEVER I was in a mess when DD was born, very anxious and traumatised and I do believe that plays a big part. Babies feed off their mums emotions. I’m so much calmer and more relaxed this time round and I think it shows in DS. In fact, it’s made me realise how much I didnt laugh, smile, tickle and play with/kiss my DD when she was a baby when I do the same with DS..... not trying to make you feel guilty, just offer my own personal perspective

[strawberrylollipop]

I'm a nanny - have been a nursery nurse - all children are different.

My dd smiled from about 7 weeks
The baby I look after now (boy) started smiling around 10 weeks

However I've also had children smile from anywhere between 6 weeks - 6 months ...... some were easy to make smile, others not so much

[prettyhibiscusflowers]

My dd smiles all the time and was very easy to make smile when younger. My nephew is extremely hard to make smile. Just like adults they’re all different.

[LaurieMarlow]

Of course. They’re all different.

DS2 is a ridiculously smiley baby. He cracks a smile for everyone and everything. It’s great for photos. All you have to do is point an iPhone at him and he beams right back.

DS1 was more average in this regard. He’d smile, but not consistently. He’s a perfectly normal almost five year old now and laughs his leg off at poo jokes.

[MaidofMuswell]

Thanks everyone, this is really helpful!!! I think my mood is playing a role to be honest, at least in perception and also needy big brother taking up time etc - reassuring to know it’s not definitely that she’s miserable or anything :) god i find this stage so hard!!! Thanks for all being so lovely x

[SEsofty]

Oh definitely. Eldest you really had to work for a smile. Was a real surprise to get a smiler second time round

[SEsofty]

Oh and totally unscientific but girls generally less smiley

[MaidofMuswell]

😊 thank you!! Now off to find something else to worry about - love you mumsnet x

[phoenixrosehere]

My niece was that way. She and my son are about two weeks apart. She always looked grumpy to the point that she had a reputation for not smiling in the village my in-laws live in for the first year where my was the opposite and constantly smiled. He was a happy baby, but also very calm. Ffwrd and he’s more introverted now and says a handful of words at four while our niece is a sassy, chatty little girl. My youngest is a smiler, but he is a bit more particular on who he smiles to. He gives a soul-searching stare as if he is judging you and then he’ll either continue to stare or smile.. He also says bye, waving his hand, and blowing kisses, but he is even more random with those. It’s funny yet unnerving at times.

[cestlavielife]

If you worried ask health visitor to check her over. Any birth issues e.g. trauma or other concerns?
But she still very small. Babies are different. Sometimes it's nothing.
Check her hearing and vision if you can. Or wait til six months when you can assess more.

[Fiveredbricks]

11wks is very early to be interactively smiling OP. Don't stress ❤️

[bugeyedbarber]

DD wasn't smiley. We nicknamed her Poker Face as a result. So much so I used to rage internally and try to politely extract myself from situations where strangers were trying make her smile while she stared at them indifferently.

I think there is something triggering for folks out there about babies that don't smile - like they are looking into depths of people's souls and see stuff they want to hide and people are desperate to get babies' approval to heal that chasm in there. Or something

She's a giggly, smiley toddler now. Still stares at times. Putting people in their place as you were.

[KellyW88]

I have twins at 17 months old. DD and DS are very smiley now, but until 11 months old they rarely smiled at me! Their Daddy would get lots of smiles from around 13 weeks - I’d get inquisitive looks (which from DS made him look super grumpy and from DD made her look so judgmental as she learnt the eyebrow raise and grown very quickly - it was adorable!)

I got a bit jealous of DH and asked him how he managed to get so many grins, he said he didn’t know but maybe it’s because I was with them pretty much 24/7 at that point and he worked. We never figured it out but when they hit 11 months it was like a switch flipped and they became super smiley with almost all the family (they don’t tend to smile at strangers though even now :/)

People often joked that they’d both been here before, like they were old souls already :’)

[shirleyschmidt]

DD wasn't very smiley. She definitely DID smile, but on her own terms, and she didn't have that ready beaming smile that your typical angelic 'Pampers' babies all seem to do so easily. She also rarely laughed, we had to really earn it! I admit I occasionally worried something was amiss, hence replying to you now!

She's now 4 and is great company, still an independent little character, but quite forward socially, pretty confident and seems to play well with friends. And I can have a good laugh with her now!
DS is the poster boy for massive gurgly smiles and laughter, I'm glad I had him second or I might have worried more about DD!

[ZippyBungleandGeorge]

DS is super smiley most of the time, and giggles a lot including in his sleep which is actually a bit weird. He is also constantly wriggling, babbling , wants to be interacting all of the time and can flip out of his bath seat in the blink of an eye. DN2 is 3 weeks older loves just laying on the floor or in her swing gazing around, drifts off to sleep (even in her swimming class), she's very calm and content, smiles sometimes. DS is hyper, just different personalities.

[MaidofMuswell]

Thanks everyone this is so helpful. There were issues at birth but all resolved now and my health visitor has never been worried and rationally neither am I, have just got into a state of hyper vigilance watching her the whole time. My husband struggles to get it asking “so you’re worried but not worried but just aware she smiles quite a bit every day but not as much as you think you remember ds smiling but maybe not?” And clearly thinks am mad despite trying to be nice. Really helpful to see there’s a good normal range though and appreciate you all replying so much!