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AIBU?

To think I could of at least been told about it

12 replies

sistersister3 · 03/04/2019 17:53

My SIL is going out at the weekend for her birthday my DSis A has been invited and told me about it, and my other DSis B is going ( sis b and SIL are some what 'close') Dsis B won't go anywhere if me and my DM are going because she fell out with DM and then blocked my number (I still don't know why)

AIBU to think SIL could of at least told me about this and apologised for not being able to invite me as she wants Dsis B to be there, when she is the one that causes these problems in the first place?

It has honestly made me feel like shit as she usually invites everyone to events and who ever shows up, shows up! (Usually not Dsis B) and she normally 'slags of' Dsis B for how awkward and petty she is about it all...

would you say something or just get on with it?

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CuriousaboutSamphire · 03/04/2019 17:59

Welcome to the Outider Club.

DHs family did this to me forever.

It didn't bother me to much as I had by then got used to my won family doing it to me. Family holidays abroad, all aunts, uncles, cousins yeas, all welcome. Then tell Curious ALL about it when we get home - every year for about 10 years! And other pleasantries.

All you can do is recongise your place in their pecking order and decide you don't give a flying fuck! To worrit over it is to let them control part of your life, change a little bit of who you are. Step away, be happy!

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CuriousaboutSamphire · 03/04/2019 18:00

Outsider sorry!

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sistersister3 · 03/04/2019 18:03

@CuriousaboutSamphire its so upsetting, my daughter has to miss out on her cousins birthdays because of my Dsis B, what kind of grown woman that is a mother wants to do that to her own niece!? Iv cried so many tears missing my Dsis B and now I just hate her because what she is doing is just wrong...

My poor DM doesn't even know about this yet 😤

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CuriousaboutSamphire · 03/04/2019 18:11

My nephew had much the same issue. DSis was treated as I am. Our parents, when they do contact us, talk about 'their family' a lot. Somehow we are just never in that group (unless they want money, but that is a different story)!

She just stopped talking about them and made sure DN had a lot of access to his own friends.

Stop hating her. For your own good. Hating her is letting her change part of you, for the worse. It took me a while, but I no longer hate my parents or think they may regret their actions, or feel in any way attached to them. I feel much less anxious and upset about it. I am not a bitter person, which I was for a while.

What's that awful Disney song - Let It Go or Dry Your Eyes Mate? Mix them both up. You'll feel better in the loing run., Especially as once you have detached you start to see them as individuals much mor clearly. Very enlightening in my case!

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sistersister3 · 03/04/2019 18:22

@CuriousaboutSamphire thank you! Its nice to know there are lots of other people in a shitty situation like me 🥰 x

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idontlike789 · 03/04/2019 18:31

It's always the same the most unreasonable person gets invited the person who's been treated badly gets left out . It's because they know who will and won't kick off and they know you won't. I'd say something but that's me I'm always being told just leave it idontcare789 but sometimes they need to be told that it's not on and you feel like shit .

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sistersister3 · 03/04/2019 18:35

@idontlike789 when I was growing up I was always the loud mouth, always said what I thought and caused arguments and when I became a mum I learned to just not care and not to cause shit! But this has really got to me, it wouldn't of bothered me if my SIL had told me it was happening and that Dsis B was going so I couldn't but its the fact I'm not even good enough to be acknowledged that hurts.

I don't think I will bother to say anything they are both quite bitchy and will just chat shit about me if I do, as all they do is chat shit about each other 🙄

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Sculpin · 03/04/2019 18:36

I think your SIL is in a very awkward position here. I'd blame your sister more than her.

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RomanyQueen1 · 03/04/2019 18:41

Perhaps it was agreed that sister A would tell you, which she did.
I'd be confronting sister B to ask what the problem is.
I wouldn't blame sil it's not her circus nor monkeys.
I'm on the fence here, maybe sister A shouldn't HAVE told you, then you'd be none the wiser and not upset.

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Greenlegobox · 03/04/2019 18:47

This is always what happens when family fall out. Your SIL is caught in the middle and, seeing as how she is closer to your Dsis, it's no surprise she has chosen her.

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AuntMarch · 03/04/2019 18:51

Why should she invite you or tell you, if she doesn't want you there because it would cause trouble.

Harsh maybe, but your sister squabbles should not be her problem and she is probably just aiming for an easy life.

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sistersister3 · 03/04/2019 19:18

@RomanyQueen1 Sister A only knows as she was added to the group facebook invite.

@Greenlegobox like I said she is very much in the middle hence why she normally invites all of us and just lets who ever is adult enough to go turn up...

@AuntMarch why would I or me and my DM cause trouble by going? what it would do is make Dsis B NOT go because she acts like a young teen that cant look the other way or sit at the other end of the table so she won't go if me and DM do....