To ask if you are your own best friend or worst enemy

[RevokeRemainohsodit]

I'm reading a book about overcoming depression and the writer says in order to do that you need to become your own best friend and value yourself.

Are you and do you?

[Bezalelle]

To be honest, making the shift from being my own worst enemy to my own best friend is the ongoing theme of my life. Still working on it!

[InternetArgument]

It sounds like balderdash. There is more to mental hygiene than befriending yourself, though it matters

[RevokeRemainohsodit]

Bezalelle - me too

InternetArgument - "balderdash"? The writer is an esteemed psychologist so I wouldn't write her advice off so dismissively. What is "mental hygiene"?

[Amongstthewildthings]

I think I go between. I try to be my own best friend by supporting myself, sticking to my values and boundaries and putting myself first. I expect a lot of myself, but not from others, so they can't disappoint. I also prep for the worst and hope for the best. My mind can sabotage me i.e. people can't be trusted/anxiety, but I also know it's just trying to take care of me.

[ineedaknittedhat]

Definitely! I'm autistic and my only other friend is the cat, so I need to be positive about myself 😂

Seriously though, I have had to do self counselling and coaching before simply because I've had literally no one on my side and it was that or sink. I grew up without parents, so it was a skill I learned early on in life through necessity.

[RevokeRemainohsodit]

Good for you, ineedaknittedhat - the idea of being kind to myself is strange as I've always been very hard on myself.

[Sculpin]

Definitely my own best friend. I have a really healthy, positive self image and I can totally recommend it as an outlook on life. Good luck finding your way there!

[stayathomer]

Learn i ng to be best friend- definitely haven't been looking after myself, a hair cut made me realise how I'm falling apart and need to get back to everything, good eating, self care etc. It feels good!

[EnidButton]

Ignore my post please. Thank you.

[RedHatsDoNotSuitMe]

worst enemy.

EnidButton - are you ok?

[TemporaryPermanent]

I think i am to some extent. I laugh at my own jokes a lot

I sometimes give myself a stern talking to, but it's from a basic posish of love and friendship.

[PersonaNonGarter]

Both! Best friend when I am proud of something (or when I make myself laugh) - worst enemy when I start to over-analyse.

[EnidButton]

Red I'll be fine thank you. Honestly. Just having a blip.

[Misty9]

I was definitely my own worst enemy as a child but with support and coaching I am slowly learning to be my own best friend. Self compassion is hugely important and I recommend the compassionate mind foundation website

[Jasmineallenestate]

It sounds like balderdash. There is more to mental hygiene than befriending yourself, though it matters

You should train to be a therapist, you have such a kind manner

[Jasmineallenestate]

TED talks cover a lot of this OP. Brene Browne, The Power of Vulnerability says people fall into two categories. Those who are "whole hearted" and those who are not. Whole hearted people simply believe in their subconscious that they are worthy of love and resoect. And they receive it as a resupt. Well worth a watch.

[Fridasrage]

Both. I think it’s a lifelong journey.
When I catch myself thinking shitty things about myself, I try to list as many positive things about myself as I did negative, and remember that not everyone is perfect

[faeveren]

Both but never thought about being my own best friend before, I’ve certainly been my own worst enemy at times. But I do value myself, I do have good self esteem, and I am kind to myself.

Start with self compassion, (pp also mentioned this) and perhaps that is how you become your own best friend? Also agree with watching Brene Browne on YouTube her videos are great.

[polarpig]

Sometimes but at times I feel it makes me a worse person - somebody I know is going through a bad patch at the moment but I didn't go for coffee with them after work as I knew it'd drag me down emotionally at a time I needed to look after myself.

[BelulahBlanca]

Always trying to be own best friend and biggest cheer leader. Getting better with age thanks to therapy

[soulrunner]

I think the ‘best friend’ thing can be misunderstood though to the extent that best friend=enabler. My bf doesn’t always tell me that ‘yay soul runner, you’re the best.”. Sometimes she says ‘I think you could have done better ’ or ‘actually I think what you did with x was really shitty’ so I think to be a friend to yourself, you need to also hold yourself accountable.

[soulrunner]

And sometimes I do think shitty things about myself because I’ve been a bit shitty. If the cap fits..... but I also give myself credit where it’s due , especially when I do stuff I find really hard like work confrontations.

[brizzlemint]

I'm my own worst enemy, nothing I do is ever good enough and I ignore the good and dwell on the bad.

[Sculpin]

Yes, I agree with soulrunner. I said upthread that I am my own best friend, but that doesn't mean thinking I'm never in the wrong. Part of this mindset is facing up to your mistakes and holding yourself accountable- but not blaming yourself, as you know that it came from a good place.