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Abiu to expect dh to muck in with the dc when he booked holidays off?

(29 Posts)
Snappedandfarted2019 Wed 03-Apr-19 11:33:10

Dh has three days off last week and this week he also has three days of this. Abiu to expect some help with the dc he slept in till 11.30 whilst I do the school run and look after the toddler and clean the house. I don’t so much as get a day off yet he expect to lie in till mid morning. I’m getting to the point I don’t want to be with him anymore but stuck due to financial circumstances and having 3 young dc.

ZippyBungleandGeorge Wed 03-Apr-19 11:34:08

Tell him he's a lazy selfish prick and he needs to get up

EL8888 Wed 03-Apr-19 11:34:48

Most definitely! He is taking advantage and being selfish. What explanation has he given for not assisting with his children?

Snappedandfarted2019 Wed 03-Apr-19 11:38:03

Apparently it’s his annual leave and he wants to have a sleep in. I work part time around his hours but cook clean and do majority of the childcare. Last week ds cut his chin and he wouldn’t come to the hospital so took him on my own.

Snappedandfarted2019 Wed 03-Apr-19 11:38:57


I did he just told me to go away. I feel like I’m at my most happiest when I’m at work away from him in all honesty.

PhillipeFellope Wed 03-Apr-19 11:41:42

He's on holiday from work, not from his family.

But given your update, perhaps you need to get shut of him. He sounds like a lazy prick.

Omzlas Wed 03-Apr-19 11:43:00

He's a selfish prick. One lie in is fair enough and I have no problem with my DH doing this but not every day. And if YOU also get a lie in

Is there no way you could look to doing it on your own, as in leaving? Surely doing 99% of everything now isn't much different to doing it alone?

Parker231 Wed 03-Apr-19 11:43:52

You don’t get a holiday from being a parent - leave the DC’s in the room with him and go out for a coffee and a break.

CokeAndCrispsAndDip Wed 03-Apr-19 11:44:14

Sounds like my old marriage. If he can't care enough for his wife and children to get up and spend time with them, help in an emergency or just chip in to household chores then it sounds like he has checked out already. I spoke to my ex recently, we get on better now than when we were married, and I asked him about it. He said even though it was wrong he saw the house and kids as my job, that when he wasn't in work it was his down town, his time to do nothing. Sounds to me that unless he is willing theres no partnership here OP. It sucks and you deserve better flowers

Snappedandfarted2019 Wed 03-Apr-19 11:48:53

I couldn’t get a house as I would have to claim housing benefiting and majority of houses don’t accept it unless I go on the counc house waiting list. I have found myself looking at private rents with wishful thinking. If I didn’t have my youngest I would have left I think it’s hard because I have no childcare so working full time covering holidays would be a nightmare I don’t think I could survive on my
Part time hours.

seeingdots Wed 03-Apr-19 11:50:29

He's only being reasonable if he also gives you the chance (without notice) to sleep in til almost midday when you have annual leave. I suspect he does not.

WatchingFromTheWings Wed 03-Apr-19 11:59:04

Book a 'day off' family life when he's on annual leave. Get up early and go out, leave him to it.

Crabbyandproudofit Wed 03-Apr-19 12:10:36

He obviously has decided childcare and home are your responsibility because "you only work part-time". He needs to step up and make more of a contribution. Next time he has leave booked try discussing in. advance which days each of you will lie-in, etc. (It's interesting how SAHP rarely get a day off sick, unless with a chronic health condition, but working parents do.)

Not saying you should leave him but you seem quite unhappy and are obviously considering it. Why would you have to leave your current home, rather then him move out? Remember he would also be liable for providing/paying for some of the childcare.

Snappedandfarted2019 Wed 03-Apr-19 12:59:31

Had a big argument, apparently he doesn’t take time off to do my jobs and childcare is my role. He’s since left. We had a day out a farm tomorrow for ds who will be 3 and a family meal out.

MsSquiz Wed 03-Apr-19 13:02:14

It's his annual leave from his day job, not annual leave from being a father!

How many days annual leave do you get from being a mum?

iolaus Wed 03-Apr-19 13:08:51

One day - yes no issue with him having a lie in on one of his days off, but not all of them

But you should also get the same

flyings0l0 Wed 03-Apr-19 13:11:26

just leave the house tomorrow morning early and force him to take care. have a relaxed day away from home.

nanbread Wed 03-Apr-19 13:15:31

Why is childcare your role? Have you asked him why?

Raver84 Wed 03-Apr-19 13:18:35

If you've been with them a morning and he's awake now tell him your off out for the afternoon and leave him to it. He sounds very selfish.

WhatchaMaCalllit Wed 03-Apr-19 13:21:45

He sounds lazy and entitled.

When do you get annual leave from your childcare role? In his mind is that when you go to your part-time job??? He needs to step up or be kicked to the kerb. He really sounds awful OP. Sorry but he does.

Amongstthetallgrass Wed 03-Apr-19 13:22:00

I’d wait for a quiet time and actually say - ‘I’m really considering leaving. It would be easier for me. I’m not happy like this and don’t want to continue this way’

IggyAce Wed 03-Apr-19 13:22:25

OP stop doing anything for him. Do you rent or own your current home?
He has already checked out, I would start getting papers and documents in order, you will be better off without him.

Snappedandfarted2019 Wed 03-Apr-19 13:34:09

We rent I don’t think he’s checked out more he expects something from the 1950s I’ve reached the end of my tether I rarely get down time for myself, he’s left the house so it’s just me and my little one and then I have the school run. I told him I don’t even love him anymore.

IggyAce Wed 03-Apr-19 13:40:08

OP do you want to save your marriage or are you only staying because your scared financially?
If you want to try and save it, I think you should suggest seeing Relate.

blackteasplease Wed 03-Apr-19 13:58:43

He's a DH not a DP from your thread. That means you may not be as badly off as you think if you divorce.

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