Help me decide(5 Posts)
I am looking for any information or advice on something I know nothing about but I do actually feel that the situation is wrong. If it is definitely wrong I don't know what to do to help or change things.
My family have got friendly with a lady and as we got friendly we learned certain things about her life and have also seen and heard things.
She was babysitting for various younger children in her family but one of the mothers was particularly nasty, shouting and swearing at her. There were various accusations made by shouting that we know are completely untrue. This concerns her age and also about her taking drugs and being drunk. We know what age she is and we know that she does not take drugs or drink. There has been violence too.
We also know that money was borrowed and only partly paid back. The lady is not so good at internet banking and had asked me for help at times.
When she stopped babysitting which was 3 or 4 days per week and stopped giving any money the mother and children have not been seen and this is upsetting for her.
The lady could have used help from the younger adults because of health issues but that did not happen. There was no understanding of the illness and the problems of being ill. There is no help given but the babysitting must be done. Not like a family where people help each other with the skills they have.
There is a problem with boundaries too. One of the mothers does not seem to be able to keep their children safe from harm and also does not see the harm being done to the lady in question. There have been issues around violence to children and the lady and the mother not taking appropriate action whether personally or through some outside agency.
There is a history of older people having to give over money to the people. I don't think that is right. Also, any offer made is rejected. It looks like they don't want a gift they want to make demands. Is this like a control?
I have only known this lady for about 18 months but my family have known her for a very long time, since when they were young adults. It is not that there is only one side being seen or that the person is a very new acquaintance
What I think is wrong is the money issues, the demand for frequent babysitting and the lack of help. Can anyone give an opinion? AIBU to think something needs to change?
I'm really sorry, but I'm also struggling to understand your message.
Is the situation as follows:
You know a woman who you believe is being pressured to provide (free?) babysitting and give money to some other people. She is being pressured / tricked into thinking that she either has to do this or should do this, but in fact it looks to you like one-way exploitation. You are wondering if you should somehow get involved to stop it, or who you could report it to.
Is that right? If so, I think it probably depends on why the women is responsive to this pressure. Does she have mental health issues? Is she elderly? Is she from a cultural background that makes her believe that this is a family/community obligation? Is she poorly educated?
I'd suggest talking to a local Citizen's Advice Bureau, as they may have some suggestions once you give them more details. I think it is the sort of thing local councils may be able to help with, and if these other people are actually tricking or extorting money from the women then it could well be a police matter.
You need to report this to your local authority Safguarding Adults team. Details will be on your LA website, or go via the switchboard for verbal advice
I have read every comment. I meant to be a bit vague so that I don't out anyone or give anyone warnings about what could happen.
@SummerInSun you are nearly right with your scenario. The woman is being a bit blackmailed in my view. That might be too strong a word or maybe not strong enough. She is not from a culture which has expectations of family obligation, she is older but I would not say elderly, she definitely not uneducated or mentally ill. She does have physical illnesses and limitations.
The people who are doing this are her family who seems to have expectations of her being obligated while they are not. One way exploitation is a very good phrase to explain it.
The reason she does the babysitting and other things is that if she does not she will not be able to see any of her family. This has happened before. She is further worried that if she speaks to anyone it could all escalate to an even worse situation. Social Services have visited her before and she was scared to say much in case she got into more bother.
I will try CAB
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