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To think school are dismissive and I need help

(6 Posts)
CaptainJaneway12 Wed 03-Apr-19 10:34:03

DD age 6, I have suspected Asperger's related symptoms since she was three.
Until she started school at 5 she was non verbal with all adults expect me and her dad. Now she is very chatty with everyone.

She is very bright, her teacher says she performs around 18months ahead of what they would expect in terms of reading, writing and art.

I have spoken to the school several times and the senco there and they all insist that DD has no traits and is absolutely fine.

However at home she is not fine and I fear she camouflages all day at school and releases once she is home. However I have no experience in this area and need help. I will list my concerns here in the hope someone with experience can help:
Lack of empathy - eg her sibling broke his leg and she had no concern at all and was just cross we had to stop playing to go to hospital. There are lots of examples where someone will be sad or hurt and she just doesn't seem to care.

Lack of eye contact, she can make eye contact but flinches and her eyes will dart around. She says it hurts to look in someone's eyes too long.

Very physical with siblings, in frustration will lash out at them, and me, hitting and kicking and pushing.

Obsessions, with films, or an animal. Completely consumed by it for a period and then just switches from it to something else.
Eg,was obsessed with tortoises, watched shows about them, read about them, was all she could talk about, we got her one and after a month she asked us to get rid of it because she had enough.

Picky eating, refuses hot food and dislikes anything with texture.

Friendships, she is popular and lots of fun but her friends are the boisterous boys rather than any of the girls and if they don't play her game with her rules she would rather be alone than cooperate.

Behaviour, just doesn't do as she is told, if I ask her to tidy up her mess for example she will scream and shout. If I ask her to stand up she will sit down...

Doesn't sit still, if she has to sit she will fidget constantly.

Hitting herself, if I 'tell her off' she will hit herself in the face to punish herself. We never hit/smack in our family.

Harming herself - she picks the skin off her lips until they bleed and around her fingertips.

Jealousy, she is the centre of the world, as most kids are, but she is incredibly jealous of her siblings even though they are all treated the same. To the extent if one gets attention because they are hurt she will try and hurt herself to get attention.

Lives animals and nature, shows real caring towards animals in a way she doesn't people.

She is loving, sweet, wants to please most of the time and has a brilliant imagination. When we are out she is very protective of her younger siblings, she loves cuddles and affection, she is very bright and speaks with a vocabulary beyond her years. She is active, loves getting messy and climbing and being outside.

I have a follow up appointment with a peadiatrition however the school have sent forms saying they have no concerns at all so I fear I am going to be dismissed. The thing is she comes out of school and is angry/sad/bursting with energy and lets loose once we are home so as I say, I fear the school are seeing the repressed version of her.

So, I guess I am.asking how I address this and move forwards... And is any of this behaviour a sign that there could be something, whether ADHD, Asperger's or something else?

I am really struggling and feel completely dismissed by the school. Initially they offered doing social stories and work on emotions but when I chased this I was told they saw no need for it.

trebless Wed 03-Apr-19 10:37:46

I have an autistic child. Autistic children regularly 'mask' their behaviour at school and it all comes out at home where they release their frustrations. So it may well be that school don't really notice any traits with your daughter.

As for where do you go, I'd start with getting a referral with your local cahms which may take a long time but it's a start.

Chillyegg Wed 03-Apr-19 10:44:38

Well not necessarily I work with a boy that presents as completely “normal” at school if not a little quiet. But completely changes at home and he got a diagnosis of aspergers. So they won’t just dismiss you

Flump9 Wed 03-Apr-19 11:10:42

She sounds a lot like my daughter was at that age, she has just got a diagnosis at age 15. What I would say is what do you need out of a diagnosis right now? She doesn't appear to be needing support at school at the moment so it's how she is at home and I would suggest just reading a lot of websites and books if you can afford to buy them. I found it wasn't until the age of 8 or 9 that school were a bit concerned about her as the difference between her behaviour and her peers became more pronounced. So although I think you will find it hard getting a diagnosis right now as they do want to see the same behaviour across different settings it may be easier in a few years. So for now I would try to help yourself and learn as much as you can about it and hopefully find some ways to help your daughter at home. My daughter needs a lot of time on her own, especially after a day at school though your daughter is a bit young to spend hours alone in her room yet I guess.

Lougle Wed 03-Apr-19 11:22:18

I agree with PPs, DD2 went through this from 3 to 9. At 9, her school said 'she's going to find secondary school tough...' and that's when they supported a referral to CAMHS. She was diagnosed at 11.

CaptainJaneway12 Wed 03-Apr-19 11:25:42

I know a diagnosis won't change anything, I suppose part of me wants it so that her behaviour has an explanation. I also find it hard when extended family dismiss her as 'naughty' or 'rude' and would like them to be more understanding. Also as she gets older I fear that she will feel she is different and if she can understand why it might help her.
Another part of me wonders if it's because at home it's always busy. I have four children and try desperately to give them all equal attention but with clubs the elder one does and the attention the younger ones need too I'm literally running from one child to another... I wonder if I am doing something wrong because at school she is fine.

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