This week is all coming on top of me. My company announced a major restructure a few weeks ago, my boss has been let go, I’ve basically been told I’m next but no clarity on it which is stressful, and I’ve been off sick with a chest infection. My grandma died suddenly at the weekend. My dc is being bullied at school (I actually witnessed it at dropoff last week) and acting out. I’m premenstrual which I have never been able to handle, my mood is incredibly low and I just feel on the verge of crying all the time. Yesterday was a black day, I just felt hopeless.
Dh is on business abroad for two weeks, different time zone. We mainly have communicated by texting, he calls for about half an hour late my time. Last night he video called me and wanted to know why I “looked so sad” and was quiet. He knows all that has been going on. I tried to explain It was a bad day. He just got frustrated and said he didn’t know why I don’t just quit. I am waiting for redundancy and also buying some extra time/money before school summer holidays start. It’s not as simple as just quit. I just wanted him to tell me it was ok and that he was there for me. Instead he said he was “just gonna go”, he wanted to “talk about something other than (my) job for once”, that I am just “trying to feel sad”. He didn’t want to know. He was off out for another posh expensed meal on his trip and things feel like they’re falling apart here and he just wanted to turn me off.
I just want to vent I guess. I’m sick of being told how “frustrated” he is with me, how”frustrating” I am. I really needed a handhold last night, nothing more. Feel like I inconvenienced his shiny business trip. After the call he sent me a nasty message about me pushing him away and radio silence since. He was having dinner with a female colleague whose name seems to have come up a lot recently.
I texted him normally this morning to have a good day and he has seen but ignored.
I feel like I have lost his support and if I’m not a shiny happy fun person he just finds me annoying.
Please someone tell me everything is going to be ok. I miss my grandma so much already and I want to feel ok again. I really do. It was just a particularly bad day.
AIBU?
Would your dh react like this?
Lam23 · 03/04/2019 10:12
Oh massive massive hugs for you. I’m so sorry he was a nob.
My husband is about to be made redundant in a very similar situation to you - we don’t know when but it’s certain and it’s fucking awful. Having that stress alone is horrid never mind everything else you’re coping with.
Is he usually like this? I’m sorry you didn’t get the hand hold you needed but take one virtually from me. You have a lot on your plate it’s understandable that you are low! 
Oh honey. I wish there was something I could say to make it all better. I wish your DH had not been giving free rein to his inner jerk, but instead had said all he needed to say, and you needed to hear, to make you feel loved, and supported.
Condolences on your grandma. When you lose someone, it's always too soon.
You are fully entitled to be feeling like utter crap. You shouldn't be made to feel bad about being overwhelmed and sad, with all you have on your plate, that you're dealing with at home, and he's not having to, because he's not there.
I wish I could send you real 
Well, you could just tell him his attitude stinks and that you have made note of how little support and undertsanding he has offered during this emotionally difficult time.
DH was of little use when I was sticking it out at teaching. I had to properly cry on him and explain I didn't want him to fix anything, just tonod in all the right paces and ive me a hug, tell me I look beautiful with a red snitty nose, etc. He fot it, I managed to get tothe end of my notice and out the other side.
Then again, if you think he is checking out anyway and using your stress as an excuse just tell him to fuck off and learn to be human and have a litle empathy!
Everything wil be OK. Your grief will pass, leaving only the happy memories. Your daughter will be fine, you just need to contact the school, get a copy of their bullying policy and find out how to do it. Yur PMT too will pass, it always does (I started on depo when mine got too bad) and your job will end when it ends. Maybe make a ist of things you can do with the redundancy money, consider retraining as well as job hunting, make it a thing to look forward to!
Best of luck with it all
Show him this post.
His attitude is vile. My dh and I have both been through depression and loss both people and jobs and we've been supportive and patient of each other even though it's hard. That's why it's a partnership.
Your really going through a lot!
So sorry for your loss!
And please don't quit your job, redundancy pay is worth it.
Maybe sign off with stress for the time being? 
You know he is wrong, though!
He is being dismissive. That he can't even give you 10 minutes of his day is awful!
Stay here for a while, vent a little, get some support 
My husband is like this, OP. I’m very sorry to hear it and very sorry about how tough things are at the moment. The worst thing is you feel like you’ve got to pretend to be cheery when you feel like shit, because if you show you feel like shit he gets angry with you and feel more Iike shit. Sound about right?
All the difficulties you speak of will pass and you’ll move through your grief, but the issue with your DH’s lack of emotional intelligence won’t unless he does something about it. That’s up to him.
I don’t have any advice but stay tough. You’re the shiny person in this equation, even if you’re sad and struggling.
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