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Can he take me to court to stop me breast feeding?

(112 Posts)
Breastfeedingworries Tue 02-Apr-19 23:50:54

Okay for the first time I’ve name changed.

I’ve been getting threats to stop breast feeding and that my dds father wants to take me to court over it. (Sounds ridiculous, and would be funny) but as he’s her father and getting all stressed and worried and reading all different things which say Mother’s can be asked to pump and express ect.

She’s 4 months old and breast fed, I have introduced some formula (dare not tell him) but it’s just helping her at nights as she was waking so much too feed. It’s working well so far just filling her up. Before the last few days she was just breast fed but I felt like I was feeding every 2 hours and evenings I’ve always seemed to have a low supply.

Anyway he wants me to stop as wants her every other weekend. At the moment he has her every Wednesday all day, I agreed to it but he’s only had her for two wednesdays alone so far. I had to express while he had her which was limiting like 10/12/2/4 but I didn’t mind.

He wants the kind of access I would think he’d get when she’s school age, every other weekend nights in the week. I just don’t know what I should allow at her age and what’s reasonable. I want him to have relationship. We’ve had ups and downs but I’ve taken her to his families for events and let him see her whenever he can as well as his wednesdays.

He turned very nasty day before mother’s day and is sending me horrid messages. Says I’m getting a letter from solicitor, (his Mum says he’s not spoken to one) but he’s threatening that he has. He’s saying he’ll stop all payments ect until he’s on birth certificate. (So weirdly he has no rights at the moment but I was happy for him to go on it, I thought he was sorting it out)

I’m just all in a muddle and pretty upset.

What should I do? 😞

SnowyAlpsandPeaks Tue 02-Apr-19 23:53:34

If he’s not on the birth certificate- surely that’s his first fight?

JaniceBattersby Tue 02-Apr-19 23:54:43

There’s no way any court in the land will order you to stop breastfeeding and they won’t order overnight contact at this stage.

Are you happy to continue with the Wednesday contact (I’d think about making it for less hours tbh if you want to keep,your supply up, but that’s up to you)?

If so, don’t do anything until you hear from his solicitor, then seek legal advice.

Don’t panic. Courts are generally supportive of breastfeeding, particularly in such a little child.

PJLove80 Tue 02-Apr-19 23:55:24

No chance would a court order that - not in a million years

EmeraldShamrock Tue 02-Apr-19 23:55:29

Tell him to piss off, I doubt there is a judge in the country who'd enforce a custody order on a 4 month old breast fed baby.
He needs to support you in what is best for DD. He sounds like a twat.

PJLove80 Tue 02-Apr-19 23:56:30

Honestly let him try - he would be slammed

SandyY2K Tue 02-Apr-19 23:56:48

He cannot force you to stop BF. I don't know a court in the land that would entertain him as your DD is 4 months old.

You need to decide if you'd prefer him to have parental responsibility or pay maintenance, as he you'd have to take him to court for maintenance and prove paternity if he's not on the BC...

I'm not an expert...so you may get other responses with different advice.

ItsASunnyDay Tue 02-Apr-19 23:57:39

What everyone else said. I would be very very wary of putting him on the BC if I was you thanks

Breastfeedingworries Tue 02-Apr-19 23:57:43

I don’t know what’s in this letter it could be about the birth certificate. I’m wondering if legally he can stop me feeding a certain way. You’d think no court would stop a woman breast feeding but I’ve read they put the father relationship above breast feeding in some cases. I also don’t know what is the normal access for a 4 month old...

CanILeavenowplease Tue 02-Apr-19 23:58:00

He can try it. Given advice is generally to breastfeed, it is unlikely a judge will do much. When I was challenged on breastfeeding by a CAFCASS officer at 6 months, I reminded her that the WHO recommends breastfeeding to the age of 2. It was never mentioned again.

But he needs to sort out the birth certificate situation - you can’t do that for him. He will need to take it to court - which he would know if he’d seen a so,icitor. He hasn’t, he’s relying on fear and control to get what he wants. Don’t give in. It is fine to be breastfeeding at 4 months and beyond.

Mememeplease Tue 02-Apr-19 23:58:48

Do you actually want every other weekend? It sounds far too much for a little baby.

morewashingtodooo Tue 02-Apr-19 23:59:31

I thought you were going to say the dc was 5 or 10.
He's just being a prat. Keep all the messages, store them on your computer or something. Contact cms you can't live with him holding support over you.

CanILeavenowplease Tue 02-Apr-19 23:59:36

You need to decide if you'd prefer him to have parental responsibility or pay maintenance, as he you'd have to take him to court for maintenance and prove paternity if he's not on the BC

Not the case. OP - get legal advice or ask in the legal section.

ElspethFlashman Wed 03-Apr-19 00:00:01

He wouldn't get near a court, or a judge.

A man who has no legal ties to a baby, trying to stop it feeding from its own mother? Lol, yeah right. The reason he hasn't gone to a solicitor is because he knows he can do nothing. The child is not his in the eyes of the law. He is not on the birth certificate and money does not confer parentage. You cant claim you have bought a child because you've thrown a bit of cash it's mother's way!

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett Wed 03-Apr-19 00:04:31

He's bullying you. There's absolutely no way a court would order you to stop breast feeding such a young child. I would cut contact to a couple of hours on Wednesday and let him take you to court - a) I don't actually think he will, I think it's empty threats (if he cared about seeing his child he'd turn up for contact more than twice in four months) and b) he won't get what he wants.

Breastfeedingworries Wed 03-Apr-19 00:04:51

I don’t want every other weekend until she’s closer to school age. I just don’t know what’s normal for now? When I go back to work I wanted him to have her every Wednesday and every other Saturday. They would be full days but that isn’t until I go back in September.

I darent tell him I’m combo Feeding. She actually always has both breasts then top up of formula. I haven’t swapped one. She’s very hungry baby.

I do think he’s relying on threats and bullying but I’m so sad about it all too. That’s her dad, he was so nice before. We’re not together but it’s like he was being fake. His true colours have come out.

I knew he hated me breast feeding, I think he’s jealous and he used to want me to do it in other rooms and if we went to places he’d arrange a room I could feed in. As my confidence grew I wasn’t bothered by it. Wonder if he thinks of it as sexual I don’t know.

Breastfeedingworries Wed 03-Apr-19 00:06:55

Oh he has seen her from birth, I mean he’s only had her on his own for two wednesdays. I should say too he’s never late and never not shown up, he’s been to every scan been keen to be a father and always paid on time, until all this threat business.

SosigDog Wed 03-Apr-19 00:08:33

I’d be very wary of putting him on the BC. He sounds like trouble. How selfish, wanting to deprive his own child of breast milk so he can have access. He clearly puts himself before the child.

No court will order you to stop bf and he won’t get overnight access as long as bf continues. A four month old baby just wants mother and milk, and contact at that age is selfishly for the benefit of the parent not the benefit of the child. I wouldn’t allow overnight contact until at least 1 year old. And I wouldn’t allow extended contact on Wednesdays either, you need to bf every couple of hours. The baby won’t understand why the breast and its source of comfort have been removed, it has no desire for contact with the father at that age. Contact is supposed to be for the benefit of the child not for the gratification of the parent.

Osirus Wed 03-Apr-19 00:15:44

It just wouldn’t happen.

Oh, and your supply probably isn’t low; it just feels that way as babies like to breastfeed a lot at night as this boosts your supply. It’s completely normal and it’s a shame that some don’t understand this and resort to using formula to top up when it isn’t necessary, and which means the baby doesn’t feed as often as it should and then your supply will drop.

Also, at four months she’ll be going through a big sleep regression, where they do wake a lot. Mine woke every 90 minutes for five weeks!

MadameAnchou Wed 03-Apr-19 00:18:37

I wouldnt put him on the BC at all. I'd stop all the formula feeds, too, and keep breastfeeding her.

OwlBeThere Wed 03-Apr-19 00:20:25

whilst a judge won't stop you breastfeeding, they will expect you to facilitate contact and i know of people who judges have taken a dim view of if they feel the woman is using breastfeeding as a reason to block contact or make it difficult. i also think your wanting to stop him having every other week until 'nearer school age' is unreasonable and unfair. the courts take the position that the child's needs are paramount and the child deserves barring any domestic violence etc a chance to bond with both parents. how would you feel if he tried to stop you seeing your child for any chunk of time for the next 5 years? its not fair.
If you are starting to introduce formula, why cant he have her overnight?

Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis Wed 03-Apr-19 00:21:54

If you want to increase your supply and your boobs work like mine, you have to stop topping up and the baby needs to drain the boob and try for more. You also need to eat and drink well (in my case much more water than normal) and put your feet up a bit more.
I’d let him have her between feeds. Surely in the morning would be helpful. You could feed and dress her and he could take her out for a few hours. Then you could do your shopping, have a shower or catch your breath.

SophiaLovesSummer Wed 03-Apr-19 00:22:09

I'm very tired so this could be me being really stupid but isn't birth certificate done by six weeks? So is her birth certificate in existence but 'Father' left blank or are you saying it still needs to be done but you're not sure about whether to put him on it?

If it was by 6 weeks and he is the Dad why is not on the BC?

But your main point, I think fuck that shit, you feed as long as is good for you and baby!

OwlBeThere Wed 03-Apr-19 00:22:23

as for not putting him on the birth certificate, if he takes you to court yo don't have a choice. i'm shocked at so many people who would be so obstructive to a child seeing and bonding with her dad. we slag men off for not stepping up, and when they want to, we slag them off for that. hmm

weirdbutok Wed 03-Apr-19 00:30:58

i know of people who judges have taken a dim view of if they feel the woman is using breastfeeding as a reason to block contact or make it difficult.

How would a judge ever prove that this was the reason for breastfeeding? WHO recommends 2 years. Unless your child is much older a judge can't really argue with that.

I also think your wanting to stop him having every other week until 'nearer school age' is unreasonable and unfair

Again, it's quite normal for a judge to say no to overnight contact until baby is 3/4 years old. This is in the best interests of the child.

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