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Will my life be rubbish after 30?

(43 Posts)
whiteteeth04 Tue 02-Apr-19 19:45:22

In 6 months I’m 30.

I’m not really where I expected to be in my career due to changing direction a couple of years ago. I’ve been at junior management level for 2 years and I only earn 30k. I feel like I’m unlikely to get a promotion in my current job as the goalposts for it are always changing, so I’m stuck.

I own a house but have to have a lodger until 2021. After a string of piss takers, current guy is rude and obnoxious but if I ask him to leave it’s another failure.

My love life is such a disaster that it’s a running joke among my friends. I’m attractive and find it easy to get dates but have been on about 60 in the last couple of years and am still single. Whenever I’ve met someone I really like there is always a crazy reason that we won’t get together - they move away, they’re not over their ex etc.

Life just feels like a struggle and maybe it’s my age but I can’t see how it will ever get better or change and it’s not through lack of trying.

Can anyone offer me some reassurance that if you’re not sorted by 30, it’s not too late?

DoneLikeAKipper Tue 02-Apr-19 19:49:47

You ‘only’ earn 30k a year and own your own home before your’re 30 - something some people won’t achieve in a lifetime. Are you taking the piss?

friendlyfish Tue 02-Apr-19 19:54:18

Well I’m double your age and had to start my life from scratch after being made homeless and laden with debt by my ex in my 40s. I don’t and won’t own my own home again and due to worsening health condition have had to retire. But I’m so much happier than I was at your age. I had an ok job, house, and was married but to a bloody twat and was so miserable and depressed. I have had relationships but have decided I’m happier single and love my little flat and have great friends and if I had better health would be earning enough to get by.

You are still young and owning your own home(even with lodger) is no mean achievement. Neither is your job. There’s plenty of time to meet someone who you can be happy with and deserve. My ex neighbour confessed she met the man of her dreams in her 80s (he was the man she lived next door to) after two unhappy marriages.

It is most definitely not too late. It’s just that we have no way of knowing how, where or when we might meet someone just right and what other changes/opportunities might present themselves.

Thankssomuch Tue 02-Apr-19 19:54:53

Your idea of being ‘sorted’ is having a boyfriend?

LeafyGreen333 Tue 02-Apr-19 19:55:43

You sound pretty sorted! Decent wage, steady job, own home, don't be so hard on yourself! Crappy men do make you feel bad, but every experience is a learning experience. My 30s have been way better than my 20s and I think that's because I let go of all the expectations about jobs/relationships/money that I'd held onto in my 20s and just focused on doing what made me happy in my 30s. I met a wonderful guy when I was 35 and we now have two kids. I would start by focusing on all the positives you have going on, make the most of the freedom you currently have and don't stand for any nonsense from men!

Littleduckeggblue Tue 02-Apr-19 19:58:02

I'm 31 years old. I wish I owned my own home and earned 30K

DisplayPurposesOnly Tue 02-Apr-19 19:59:14

It might be grin I think that'll be because of how you perceive it though, rather than any objective assessment.

After a string of piss takers, current guy is rude and obnoxious but if I ask him to leave it’s another failure.

Is it really a failure to have and enforce boundaries?

x2boys Tue 02-Apr-19 20:04:10

A lot can happen in a couple of years it depends on what makes you happy at your age I also earnt around £30,000a and owned a home I was single and not particularly happy about it I met dh at 31 and by 32 was married and heavily pregnant ,circumstances have changed a lot in 15 years and I don't earn anything now I'm much happier now though.

Pumperthepumper Tue 02-Apr-19 20:07:27

Your life is about to get so much better - it’s brilliant being in your 30s. You’re so much more self-assured and so less willing to take bullshit. Get rid of your lodger. Read ‘Everything I know about Love’ by Dolly Alderton (also dates a lot, also single). You’ve got so many good things in your life, you’re a lucky thing really 🌷

FilthyforFirth Tue 02-Apr-19 20:10:49

Owning your own home, on your own no less and a salary above the national average is pretty sorted to me. What you're really asking about is a relationship, and that is what you should have posted about.

whiteteeth04 Tue 02-Apr-19 20:15:57

No I'm not really asking about a relationship, because after being single for 4 years I'm comfortable with it. I do have fun dating but it also wears you down a little bit. However I do at least recognise that being single is better than in an unhappy relationship which is where I've been before.

I'm more feeling stuck about the job/money/house scenario.

BBCK Tue 02-Apr-19 20:17:33

Yes

NaughtToThreeSadOnions Tue 02-Apr-19 20:19:43

I only earn 30k

Only 30k, jesus, living on the breadline aren't you

Sorry i sort of understand that your career is stalled but you'll have got peoples back up with the 'only' bit.

I own a house you own a house before your 30. Hardly living on Universal Credit and living in a council house. Owning a house before 30 is incresingly unuseal.

My love life is such a disaster that it’s a running joke among my friends

Firstly get better friends who support you or tell your current friends that them jokimg about your life is immature and it needs yo stop.

Secondly, why are you in such a rush to get a boyfriend

You seem to be doing fairky well in life.

Fairylea Tue 02-Apr-19 20:21:00

Surely you can get another lodger? hmm if the one you have is so awful grab life by the balls and get someone else...!

There’s no point in beating yourself up over what you perceive to be every failure you’ve ever made. We get one life, there’s no point in keeping looking back all the time.

You’ve got a lot more going for you than lots of people. And 30 is young! You can do whatever you want.

At 30 I was going through my second divorce (!), id just been made redundant and I was then a single mum to dd then aged 6.

Fast forward ten years and I’m remarried, with a lovely dh, another child and we live in a lovely house and life is good. But I had to make that happen - I kissed a lot of frogs! (Online dating).

Oakenbeach Tue 02-Apr-19 20:21:30

I'm more feeling stuck about the job/money/house scenario.

You’re single with presumably no ties or other major responsibilities... You have the security of a house. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and realise how much you have and what massive potential you have to do almost anything you choose!

NaughtToThreeSadOnions Tue 02-Apr-19 20:22:18

I'm more feeling stuck about the job/money/house scenario

You've got an above average salery - what money scenario?

Lodger? How long do you have to give him notice? Give him notice. Readvertise.

Awrite Tue 02-Apr-19 20:23:16

Find another lodger. Living with a dick can be soul destroying.

You have a decent job, a house and friends. You are doing well.

HarrysOwl Tue 02-Apr-19 20:24:55

I think appreciating what you do have rather than what you feel you don't would be better than feeling sorry for yourself - at least, that's how it comes across.

Is this what people refer to as the Snowflake generation?

Tartanwarrior Tue 02-Apr-19 20:26:29

You have 35 years in your working life left. I absolutely promise you that you're not stuck.

When I feel in a rut ( job wise), and if I need to stay where I'm at, then I try and do things differently. Is there an area of your job where you feel you have gone a bit stale? What can you do to energise, or add zest to your performance? It is so important to constantly upskill. Is there a part of the company that you would like to learn more about? Have you identified what the next step is? What your next goal is?

If not, have a think. It's ok if you don't know now, but start thinking about the next thing.

80,000 hours has some interesting research.

As for your house situation, if you are upset about the flatmate, can you downsize? Or get an extra flatmate so you decrease the amount of time you need them?

Career, your home- these are things that you do have a great deal of control over. Embrace it.
smile

sandi2019 Tue 02-Apr-19 20:28:02

You have got so much going for you already. I had similar feelings at 30.....career was about the only thing that was sorted but everything else was uncertain. I also did not enjoy the dating world.....shudder and had a string of failed first dates (most lied about their height (I'm tall) or just didn't look like their photos...or were just very, very weird).

Now almost 40...everything has fallen into place. Many people find their feet in their 20s and then grow on this thereafter.
You already have a good foundation established for this too....you're in management...you're resilient (as demonstrated by your recent career move)....you are a switched on young lady....you own your own house and you're a good looking lass who doesn't have any issue attracting a man.

I dreaded turning 30......it was a strange feeling of it being a deadline for things I likely wasn't going to achieve in time. But...looking back....my 30s were what made me.....my career development......finances....relationship....it all just came together.

Also....slightly different note but now I am almost 40........I feel ridiculously sexy and confident all the time......I wish I looked/felt like this in my 20s...perhaps you will also feel the same xx so don't fear the years!

Please....you are already an over- achiever...especially when I think of other people I know who are your age....you should really look forward to the years to come!! Xx

Greenlegobox Tue 02-Apr-19 20:28:18

If your job, house and money scenario is getting you down, mine would have you jumping off a bridge. I'm quite happy with it however and I'm an ancient 36.

Laura221 Tue 02-Apr-19 20:29:51

Stop waiting to be promoted then. Apply for better jobs and if successful and you earn more you can kick the lodger out. Sorted. Nothing will get handed to you honestly I say this so much to people. Apply for this opportunities and you might surprise yourself. A lady where I work waited 36 years to get the promotion she wanted , ain't no one got time for that now days. Be brave!

Hiddenaspie1973 Tue 02-Apr-19 20:30:36

Have you tried lady lodgers? Do you live near a hospital as professionals may be a better bet?

Or sell your house, get something smaller so you won't need a lodger?

You may or may not find someone. There are lots of folk in shitty, lonely rellies, trapped by finances.

Career. Look around at work. Do you want the job above or beside you? If not, think where you'd prefer to go.
If so, ask your senior for a 1:1, get skilled up. If neither, look elsewhere.30k is fab to me though.

Concentrate on what you enjoy. Carve a life for yourself, sounds like you're well on the way.

SpannerD Tue 02-Apr-19 20:33:44

I'm 32 and would love 30k and a house, YABU. envy

MyGastIsFlabbered Tue 02-Apr-19 20:34:47

I'm 45 this year and my life is totally different to how it was when I was facing 30. Didn't meet my now exH until I was 32, had kids at 35 and 38, separated aged 40. I'm still waiting for my life to get 'sorted' but for now I'm enjoying the ride.

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