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To expect my brother to make an effort to contact me

(7 Posts)
BabiesEverywhere Thu 12-Jul-07 12:30:57

In recent months I have been very ill and been in hospital twice for a week each time, undergone surgery and terrible infections after said surgery.

The rest of my family and my good friend TF have been ralling around helping out with my DD and me and I am so grateful to each and every one of them

But my 26 year old brother who dropped out of uni for the second time recently and whos only committment is to work in a pub part time, has not bothered contacting me for months.My family have told him how ill I have been and yet he hadn't got the time to contact me and find out how I was doing.

I have left phone messages with his housemates and on his mobile, sent him texts/emails and yet heard nothing.

Yesterday I got a brief email from him saying that he would like to have a chat at some point, if I could find the time to ring him as he is far to busy to ring me....WTF

So recovering from a major operation whilst careing for a young baby means I have nothing better to do but chase him up.

I do love him but I have had it up to here with his selfish ways, I have to make all the effort to keep communication going and doesn't he can not be bothered to make a single phone call to check how I am doing.

Am I being unreasonable ?

RuthChan Thu 12-Jul-07 13:07:18

I'm really sorry to hear that you've been ill and having such a tough time recently.
I hope you're feeling a bit better or at least on the road to recovery.

No, it doesn't sound in the least like you're being unreasonable.
However, your story does ring a few bells in terms of brothers seeming to be immature, unreliable, unable to commit and a touch on the selfish side. (I love mine too!!)

I'm afraid I really don't know what to suggest because in my experience they tend not to realise what effect their words and actions have on those around them.
I'm sure he'll grow up and out of it in time, but that doesn't really help you right now.

It sounds like you have lots of love and support from the rest of your family.
The only thing might be if they give him a pretty hefty prod.

In answer to your question, I don't think you should be expected to chase him and I'm sorry that I'm not much help.

lyra41 Thu 12-Jul-07 13:10:30

My experience of 2 older brothers is that they are hopeless at keeping in touch also. I just try to accept them as they are and enjoy any time we do spend together. I do find it difficult at times though, as they speak to each other almost daily, and I often struggle with feeling left out. We're all grown ups now I figure, and I'm not going to change them, so what else can I do. I wouldn't chase after them, as I thing it would just end in disappointment. I can understand your point of view though. If I was ill, mine would come and see me I think, it's just the day to day contact that often stretches into months gone by. They only live 10 miles away, but I guess we all get busy in our little routines with kids and friends.
Hope things improve for you and your bro, and so glad that you have had love and support from other family and friends.

Wisteria Thu 12-Jul-07 13:14:25

Bless you - what you've been through sounds crap but I would try not to take your brother's attitude too personally. My middle brother is like that, and he's 32..... I think it is just that some siblings, especially before they have their own responsibilities, are selfish. My younger bro who's 27 is always ringing to see if I'm ok.

He'll grow up one day and realise what a fab older sister he has but don't hold it against him, it's not worth it.

Hope you feel better soon, surgery and dcs don't really go well together do they?

theressomethingaboutmarie Thu 12-Jul-07 13:24:25

Nothing new to add I'm afraid. My brother is 32 to my 31. I'm 27 wks pg with my first and not once has he asked how things are going. He lives over 200 miles away (where my family live)but doesn't seem to have worked out the purpose of a telephone .

When we last went to visit my family, we'd made very loose arrangements to meet him for lunch (i.e. he would call when he was on his way into town etc). He called when he was halfway through his meal and asked if we were on our way. We were a 15 minute drive away and drove as quickly (and safely!) as possible to get there. He hung around for about 15 minutes before leaving - he had to go and play golf apparently. It was the first time he'd seen me in about 6 months and we'd driven 200 miles on a Friday night after work to get up there whilst I was 18 wks pg.

BabiesEverywhere Thu 12-Jul-07 14:18:49

It does seem to be a common theme to have a selfish brother

I normally just dismiss his attitude and do my best to keep in touch but I was upset after receiving this email which implied that he thought I don't make enough effort to contact him recently, when he has to has a couple of shifts in the pub every week to consider.

I sent an email back saying...

LOL, I am far busier than you, as I am looking after a 10 month old baby 24/7 !!! I suggest we both make more of an effort to keep in touch with each other. Hope to speak to you soon.

...but he has not yet replied...he is properly taking the huff

Wisteria Thu 12-Jul-07 14:26:49

He won't understand why you are so busy, people don't before they have their own dcs; likewise his social life probably feels really busy to him. I remember having virtually no time to contact my family in my late teens as I was just too busy , yep I was, too busy getting drunk and other things!

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