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Is he cheating or AIBU?

(18 Posts)
songsmith Tue 02-Apr-19 09:52:40

My dp was out on Saturday afternoon with friends. Came home at 10pm that night. All fine...

Then yesterday my dd had picked up his phone to google something and I noticed he had searched for a woman on google 6 times on Saturday night. I then took the phone (which I know is an invasion of privacy and I’m not proud of it) to see that he had also tried to what’s app call an unsaved number, the picture of the woman on the what’s app matches the Facebook profile of the one he’d been searching online.

I’ve never checked his phone before and he rarely, if ever, leaves it sitting around. I feel sick but wondering if I’m being paranoid and jumping to conclusions?

Usually a lurker but could use some advice because it’s left me feeling cold!

RatherBeRiding Tue 02-Apr-19 09:54:29

No you're not being paranoid. He's trying to contact an unknown woman. How is your relationship otherwise - has he done anything like this before?

songsmith Tue 02-Apr-19 09:58:37

Years ago I suspected he’d cheated with somebody he works with but never had any concrete proof, he told me I was being ridiculous and I was suffering with depression at the time so I put it down to paranoia on my part . Now not sure. Don’t really know what to think or do about it.

Cheeserton Tue 02-Apr-19 09:58:40

Your daughter picked up the phone and you saw. You need to ask why he's searching for this person. No use guessing - just ask, because yes, you've every right to be suspicious in this circumstance.

ajandjjmum Tue 02-Apr-19 10:42:42

You are not being paranoid.

Moominfan Tue 02-Apr-19 10:44:09

Trust your gut

HollowTalk Tue 02-Apr-19 10:47:02

He was gaslighting you then and he'll do it again. It's obvious he's up to his old tricks. Are you in a position where you can manage financially without him?

BananasAreTheSourceOfEvil Tue 02-Apr-19 10:50:14

any chance one of the friends might have been using his phone in case his gf looked at his phone? Have you looked this woman up to see who she is?

songsmith Tue 02-Apr-19 10:57:22

No, I was a full time mum and now studying at university again so I feel like I’m stuck no matter what. I’ve no family close by so I feel totally alone.

From what I can see actually she’s less of a woman and more of a young girl, she doesn’t look like she could be older than 20, he’s 35. He was out with two men who are even older than he is so can’t see either of them ringing a young girl either. Think at the time he was ringing he would have been on the train home alone anyway so likely that it’s definitely him who’s phones as and searched.

Feel genuinely sick about the whole thing. Was half hoping you would all tell me IABU 😞

ShambolicUsername Tue 02-Apr-19 11:08:44

Of course no one will tell you you're being unreasonable, this is AIBU.

The facts are, he's looked someone up and called them. You don't know why, but are automatically assuming it's to have an affair. There are a myriad of other possibilities, but the paranoid among us will conclude there is no other possibility than he was intending to cheat on you.

A suggestion: ask him. Simple as that.

You'll more than likely know by his response if you ask him who it is whilst he isn't expecting it.

Eliza9917 Tue 02-Apr-19 12:03:00

How has he got her number? I doubt it's visible on her Facebook page. He must have had some sort of contact to get it.

Fiveredbricks Tue 02-Apr-19 12:06:21

What Eliza said. Save the number. Screenshot the call data so he can't deny it either.

SurgeHopper Tue 02-Apr-19 12:08:00

Why would you be paranoid? How s trying to contact some random woman hmm

SurgeHopper Tue 02-Apr-19 12:08:50

I feel like I’m stuck no matter what.


Not a good feeling.

songsmith Tue 02-Apr-19 12:14:23

Not sure, it was called as a +44 number instead of saved with a 0 in front so wondering if he’s met someone out and given her his number? And then looked her up on the way home?

Eliza9917 Tue 02-Apr-19 12:28:51

Was he drinking/drunk on Saturday? I'm just wondering why he would search her on google 6 times.

TeddybearBaby Tue 02-Apr-19 12:29:59

You’re not stuck. No one is. I know that’s how you feel but remind yourself that you’re really not. It sounds like you’re in shock. If I was you I’d be keeping an eye from now on but keeping my cards close to my chest x

songsmith Tue 02-Apr-19 12:31:36

He was drinking but wasn’t overly drunk when he came home. Not sure about the 6 times either, literally the only reason I noticed it but he’d obviously clicked on several pages to try and find the correct one.

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