Mothers Day Sadness(51 Posts)
Probably lots of posts on this topic at the min but here goes another. I have been so upset since yesterday over the lack of appreciation I felt on Mothers Day.........I got zilch from my kids (22, 19 & 12) and I would be lying if I said my heart didnt break more than a little.
I do so much for my grown up kids as they still live at home. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, making lunches. My eldest does shift work and does not drive so I get up at 5.30 to drop/ collect him from work at 6am. I am always on call and always there for them no matter what they need. Likewise for my 19yr old son I do the same droping him to college as he's always running late. I pay for his nights out, festival tickets, clothes etc.
I was a single mum of 2 at 22 when their dad left us high and dry never to be seen again when I was 5 mths pregnant. So it was really
difficult for me to get as far as I did and I still managed to achieve a degree and masters to show them how important education was and to try to create a better life for us.
DP went out and bought me a plant and a card from youngest just to shut me up, he put so little thought into it that he actually bought me a birthday card........I just had my birthday 2 weeks ago so wtf.
We had a family occasion on Saturday and I paid for a 3 course meal at a really nice restaurant for 18 people including my adult children, not a word of thanks or appreciation. I love my family and I wanted to treat them on the occasion.
I cried for most for yesterday evening and today I cant even answer my phone as I am too upset to speak to anyone. Its just totally highlighted how little my kids appreciate me and everything I have done for them. I love my kids and I love helping them out and so I have never complained or nagged them in the past.
I have totally stopped doing anything for them now, no dinner this evening ds has a 4 km walk to work and home and my 19 yr son has left the house and gone to stay with my parents rather than listen to me complain.
I know many here may well think I am being neurotic my on principle I feel that they are definitely in the wrong and have totally disrespected me. I should add that I try to live a pretty minimalist life so would never want huge gestures or expensive gifts, it's all about the thought and acknowledgement.
So to all the mums feeling unloved, neglected and sad today I am sending hugs and this advice/suggestion ........next year I'm booking myself a citybreak and I'm celebrating myself on Mother's Day xxx
p.s . Sorry for the long post!
Well done for backing off OP and asserting your own self-respect from your children and your partner.
Do ensure you maintain your stance though and don't go back to original arrangements where you do everything (Waking at 5.30am to provide lifts?? Really?)
Your eldest two and your partner can do much more than it seems they have been and should be or should learn to be more self sufficient (doing their own laundry, cooking some meals/making their own lunches) cleaning up after themselves and keeping their own rooms clean. Your 19yo can certainly earn some money for his own festival tickets, some of his own clothes etc? Getting into a strop and going elsewhere for an easy life will not help him long term.
Your 12yo can also help out more (again I'm sure you know their capabilities to do or learn to do).
Stand firm and don't be guilted into reverting to the original situation. Talk to your partner about him stepping up more.
Do use some of the time you've regained for yourself. What hobbies are you interested in? What about visiting the gym, swimming, Zumba classes, catching up on reading a novel or just having lunch or drinks with friends?
Good luck! 🍷🌹
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