I have a step-daughter who will be 20 at Christmas. She started University last Sept, and has dropped all contact with her father, despite him regularly sending emails/texts/voicemails. She never answers her mobile to him, never replies to his emails or texts. We have no idea why not.
He has always paid maintenance for his children, and when her older brother became 18 and left home, dh continued to pay 2/3rd of the previous maintenance to their mother, as he understood teenage girls are expensive to run.
Contact with dsd became patchy about 2 years ago, but she was busy, always had a good social life, so we left things in her hands, made it clear that she was always welcome, just call when you want us.
It took dh 5 calls last year just to find out what her A level results were.
When dsd went off to university last year, dh asked her to let him have her bank details, and he would pay her maintenance direct to her. Right she said. Didn't let him know, despite reminder emails. So he is still paying it to her mother.
We last saw dsd at Christmas, and as I say, she refuses all contact ever since. As far as I know we haven't done anything to offend her.
I have never begrudged my husband meeting his obligations to his children, and tried hard to be a friend to dsd thru her childhood. I also resolved never to interfere with dh's dealings with his first family.
But I am now reaching the conclusion that enough is enough.
Apart from anything else we don't even know if dsd is still at university. She could have dropped out and not told us.
Relations with dh's exw have never been good, and she doesn't respond to phone messages either. He still seems reluctant to cross her, so currently is finding excuses not to make poper attempts to contact her to find out about dsd.
Meanwhile, I get more and more frustrated, and am trying sooooo hard not to resent the money, but I'm losing that battle. We would like to put ds into private school, but can't really afford it, that maintenance money would make a difference.
I tried to discuss this with dh last night (I raise the subject now and then, don't nag), but he just asks me to change the subject, cos he's going to get angry.
He did say he will stop paying at 21, but that's another 18 months.
BTW, I wasn't part of the original break-up, didn't meet dh until 3 years after he had left exw.
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Please
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AIBU?
to ask dh to think again about maintenance payments for his daughter?
119 replies
clumsymum · 12/07/2007 10:27
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Speccy ·
12/07/2007 11:21
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batters ·
12/07/2007 12:47
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Speccy ·
12/07/2007 13:23
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