He's a great dad

[clairemcnam]

AIBU to think the bar is incredibly low to be called a great dad?

[ChariotsofFish]

On here it usually means he’s an abusive loser who occasionally plays xbox with the kids.

[formerbabe]

All a "great" dad has to do is say he loves his kids. That's pretty much it.

[Merryoldgoat]

Yup. Thread after fucking thread.

It’s seems like it’s often a shitty pattern that gets repeated - their dad was SO bad even the smallest improvement is seen as a ‘good’ father.

A lot of women out there with very low expectations ruining their children’s childhoods.

[WeepingWillowWeepingWino]

yes, often, unfortunately. Sometimes when he is simultaneously abusing the mother of his DC.

[Samind]

Depends. Sometimes posters say it due to not wanting to add fuel to fire in threads so being an arsehole to partners is ok but they're good with baby. Others genuinely think they are great dad's.

I think my dp is a great dad as he works full-time, plays/feeds changes baby etc and she adores him. Soon as he's in from work and baby is awake, he's all over her and loves spending time with her.

He's not perfect but he definitely goes to great efforts with baby and makes me feel important too! I also have a great father who I have a good relationship with (apart from the teen years where they were rubbish parents ) 😂😂 so sometimes I think when people miss out on that or have had bad parents maybe things are a step up from what they've had. So therefore they are classed as great parents 😬

[YouSayPotatoesISayVodka]

YANBU and the bar is set pretty low in real life too- in my experience anyway.

[newmumwithquestions]

Agreed.
Outside ‘at work’ hours then everything childcare and mundane house stuff (washing, cleaning etc etc) should be 50:50. I don’t mean split every job, but each partner should do the same amount to get the same downtime.
Anything else is not fair.
I’d say it’s 60:40 in our house. On a good week it’s 55:45. I’m sick of people telling my that I’m lucky because OH is a good dad. He is in the bits that he does, but until it’s 50:50 I will never accept that he’s pulling his weight!

[Dohangoversgetworseasyougetold]

Yup, agree with you, OP.

Especially as the bar for being a great mother is so ridiculously high.

[clairemcnam]

Yes agree that the bar for being a great mother is incredibly high.

samind That is a good point though that if your own dad was abusive or awful, then your idea of a great dad may have a very low bar.

[Sexnotgender]

YANBU. It’s very, very sad.

[arethereanyleftatall]

Yes, I think that is moving steadily toward being used as an insult.

[krustykittens]

It's society in general that sets the bar low - how often do you see Dads getting a round of applause and gushing praise for doing something as simple as turning up for parent's evening? It is ridiculous. As a PP said, anything less than 50/50 you are not pulling your weight. Being a great dad doesn't just mean spending time with your kids, it should also be about doing the boring shit that kids need, like cooking food, doing laundry, getting packed lunches ready. The behind the scenes stuff you don't get a standing ovation for.

[NabooThatsWho]

YANBU OP. It’s depressing.

[Amongstthetallgrass]

You can be a great dad but a shit husband.

I can be a great mum but a shit wife sometimes.

Sometimes I’m shit at both.

[StrongerThanIThought76]

A shit mum still DOES all the behind the scenes stuff though - especially if she's on her own - the packed lunches, the laundry, the endless mindnumbing SHITE that a shit dad doesn't even know exists

[Minai]

Yes. I can count on one hand the amount of times someone has called me a great mum. I’m not claiming to be perfect but I give my all to my children. Every waking moment is devoted to them. I’m not expecting praise but it does grate on me when my husband so much as changes a nappy or takes one of our children to a group and he has everyone fawning over him telling him what a great dad he is.

[Contraceptionismyfriend]

Yes! And why is it always "I'm pregnant with out third" etc stop breeding with him and thinking that will help!!

[ems137]

My DH is a shit husband most of the time but a shit dad only some of the time.

I think the reason people say "oh but he's a great dad" is probably because he shows hardly any kindness or love towards them, as a wife but still shows love and attention to the kids. My DH is the same. He plays with the kids and is much more interested in their day to day lives than mine and obviously the kids love him. It would be easy for me to think "ah he's a good dad though".

[Treacle200]

All my ex husband has to do is put a selfie of him and the kids on Facebook to get 10 comments telling him what a great father is. If I did the same thing, I wouldn't get comments saying that I'm a great mum. Comments on my page would be more 'aww, cute'.

[SilverySurfer]

Couldn't agree more - the OP writes pages about his vile behaviour and always in the last paragraph, but he's a great dad. NO HE IS NOT.

Nor do I understand why women have multiple children with these great dads abusive arseholes.

[trebless]

People think my ex is a great dad just because he pays maintenance and still sees his kids!

When he split, he buggered off to the other side of the country. Ds is autistic. I've dealt with everything on my own. Currently stressing at what secondary school he's going too. Ex has literally zero involvement. Nothing. I gave up trying to keep him in the loop with ds.

He's introduced dcs to countless women, still lives at home with his mum and dad. His mum does dcs washing when they are there. She booked their tea. He yet again does NOTHING.

Yet he gets praised for deciding to still be in their life and pat maintenance. He actually thinks he's the best dad in the world too . He has no parenting responsibilities what so ever.

[Wallsbangers]

Totally agree. I've seen posts on here where all the dad seems to do is look at the baby occasionally but the mum is at pains to tell us what a great dad he is. It's a low bar. And by low, I mean it's on the floor.

[trebless]

@Treacle200 absolutely!! My ex does this....he sees them every other weekend and barely speaks to them in that time. Yet on fb he will put some daft comment with him and the dcs like 'my whole world'.....yep that's why you live at the other side of the country and haven't spoken to them for 12 days. He gets so many 'great dad' responses. Winds me up....if you haven't guessed lol

[Nowordsleft]

They are always a great dad and the kids ‘adore’ him. Sometimes that is referring to a new partner who has only just met the children .

I don’t know if it’s possible to be a horrible husband and an amazing dad because my exh was plain horrible to everyone especially me and the kids.

[Topseyt]

It seems to be used to describe abusive men an awful lot, often when someone is struggling to justify why they have stayed in the relationship.

I don't think abusers (of either sex) are good parents. I think the children very often pick up on far more than anyone realises.