I used to use this site years ago so apologies if this is the wrong topic or I post it wrong 😂 This could be long too.
For background me and DP have been together 4 years, I have a DS5 from a previous relationship (DP is dad to him, his biological father was absent and passed away when he was young). We have a 18 month old DD. MIL has 5 younger children, the youngest being 7 and she works Mon-Fri 8-6 (this is relevant). DP works long hours, often weekends but he tries his hardest to make time for me and the kids. He has a different father to his siblings and therefore a different last name.
When we first met DP was amazing with my son, we quickly became a family. The first time I met MIL me, DP and DS bumped into her at a coffee shop. She didn't acknowledge me and DS and I thought it was a bit odd. She lives a 5 minute walk away from me and in the beginning of our relationship I saw her a handful of times. Sometimes shed be really nice, welcoming but most of the time I didn't even get a hello. DP had told me that he had always had a strained relationship with MIL, he was like the outcast of her children as she had settled with another man and gone on to have other children and they all shared the same name. He said they would joke about his last name, she would make food he hated and say it was "fucking tough", she kicked him out at 16 and only in the past few years have they (or should I say he) have attempted to repair their relationship.
Just before I got pregnant with DD I actually became close with MIL, my son would play with her kids, we'd go shopping together, I'd go round without DP to see her etc. When we announced I was pregnant, she was completely overbearing - call her this, get this pram, bottle feed don't breastfeed - you get the idea. I think this made DP really happy as he was getting so much attention from his mother. I found her too overbearing though especially when DD arrived and I've slowly cut contact down.
Shes always mainly spoke to DP if she needs something, babysitter or money normally. Shes ignorant/rude to him when he cant help her. Over the past few months, DP has been really busy with work and he hasnt been able to help her as much. I feel like shes taking this out on all of us, she hasn't seen DD in over a month now and barely asks about her yet she lives so close and is free at the weekends. And I found out shes told a mutual friend that me and DP just have our own little family and dont really bother with her. Shes making us sound awful to people.
I know I shouldn't have done it but I borrowed DPs phone yesterday and I looked through their texts to see if theyd fallen out and DP didnt want to tell me or to try find a reason as to why she hasn't bothered with DD. All the texts from her are basically "hiya can you help me with x y z" sometimes followed by a "you ok" and when Dp says sorry he cant he doesn't get a reply and he text her asking if hes not speaking to us because he couldn't lend her money and she ignored it (but read the message).
We are thinking of moving town but DP is hesitant because his mother is so close and he's lived round here his whole life. I just want to cut contact with her, everytime she does come round she brags about herself and slags everyone off. Her family, our mutual friends, DP when he isn't there. A few weeks ago she asked if DD could go to the park with her and her kids and didnt invite DS so I said no as she knew he was at home and its not fair on him. I just can't be bothered with her toxicity anymore and I selfishly wish DP would cut contact but as shes been so on/off with him since he was young I can see why he wants to please her so much.
One of my friends said she sounds like a typical MIL but surely not everyones is like this!
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Would you say MIL is toxic?
7 replies
Maggiejane12 · 01/04/2019 10:40
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