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to think my Mum is wrong.

(155 Posts)
codswallup Mon 01-Apr-19 09:39:11

My mum started paying my DS & DD spending money about 5 years ago every week. When my DD turned 18 recently she told her that she wouldn't be giving her any more spending but will still give my DS,who is 13, spending money. So overall when my DS reaches 18 he will have received more spending money than my DD. I think this is wrong because they should be treated the same. So because of this my sister has decided to give my DD spending money until my DS reaches 18 then they've both received the same, my mum doesn't know about this arrangement. I can't mention any of this issue to my mum as she's hard work to talk to about anything especially regarding money, life is easier to keep your mouth shut than to approach her about her decision.
AIBU with this situation?

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat Mon 01-Apr-19 09:42:04

Strange arrangement all round.

AguerosAngel Mon 01-Apr-19 09:42:44

I think YABU. It’s your Mum’s decision to stop when each child is 18, she’s been very generous giving them spends. Your DS can’t help it that he’s younger than your DD, is DD working in some capacity and earning some money of her own?

Chocolateisfab Mon 01-Apr-19 09:43:43

At 18 your dc should have a pt job to provide own spending money. I agree with your dm. Your dsis is bonkers.

OneBILLIONDollars Mon 01-Apr-19 09:43:58

Yabu. Her money, her decision

BarrenFieldofFucks Mon 01-Apr-19 09:44:19

Why are your family members giving your kids money? Yes, you are being unreasonable. You mother is being perfectly reasonable. Unless you mention it to your older child are they really going to go down this rabbit hole?

purpleme12 Mon 01-Apr-19 09:44:52

I think it sounds reasonable what your mum is doing. When we turned 18 our aunties and uncles stopped giving us presents. This meant my little sister still got them but I didn't but I could see the logic in it to be honest. So I didn't feel resentment about that

Disfordarkchocolate Mon 01-Apr-19 09:45:17

I think you are taking them being treated the same too far. The 'same' in this arrangement is it ending at 18 when the adult can get a job not how long it lasts for.

TheQueef Mon 01-Apr-19 09:46:54

18 year olds get jobs to earn money they don't get spending money hmm

Ffsnosexallowed Mon 01-Apr-19 09:47:27

My mil gives my 2dds £5 a week pocket money. She'll stop giving dd2 money when she's 18. Adults don't get pocket money. Yabu and ungrateful

IvanaPee Mon 01-Apr-19 09:48:24


Why aren’t you bankrolling your own children?

museumum Mon 01-Apr-19 09:48:34

At 18 your dd has far more opportunities to earn money than your ds has at 13. I don’t see why an adult would receive “pocket money” just because their younger sibling does.
Fair treatment of siblings does not mean identical.
If one has a football lesson for £5 and the other a swimming lesson for £8 you wouldn’t transfer the difference in cost to the other would you.

GPatz Mon 01-Apr-19 09:48:34

Your DD is 18. Surely she will understand that she was very lucky at all to be getting spending money from her DGM and would not begrudge her DB from continuing to do so.

codswallup Mon 01-Apr-19 09:48:49

My DD has started working so I understand why my Mum has stopped paying her but my issue is that she started paying them both at the same time so overall my DS will get more than my DD.

LordNibbler Mon 01-Apr-19 09:48:52

You think your mum has a difficult attitude to money? Well the apple doesn't fall far from the tree. You're being ridiculous.

GPatz Mon 01-Apr-19 09:49:58

So tell your Mum to stop giving money to DS then. That makes it fair.

purpleme12 Mon 01-Apr-19 09:50:08

Mmm I still agree with the above poster who said you're taking treating them both equally too far here (coming from someone whose sister is loved and treated better than me)

codswallup Mon 01-Apr-19 09:51:15

@IvanaPee I didn't say I wasn't 'bankrolling' them. I pay for other things myself as a single parent. I'm talking about what my mum gives them not what I provide for them.

Hollowvictory Mon 01-Apr-19 09:51:43

Equal. Doesn't mean the same
How kuxh money are we talking about?

Alsohuman Mon 01-Apr-19 09:52:29

Bloody hell, people really think like this? Seriously?

PutyourtoponTrevor Mon 01-Apr-19 09:52:45

Ridiculous of you and ridiculous of your sister!

whifflesqueak Mon 01-Apr-19 09:52:53

So your dd will continue to receive money from your sister until she’s 23? That’s nuts.

Not everything in life is totally fair. This is just one of those things.

WeepingWillowWeepingWino Mon 01-Apr-19 09:52:56

YABVU. Do you tot up every penny spent on your DC to ensure they always have precisely the same spent on them? What if one has a bigger appetite and costs more to feed, hmm?, howya gonna square that?!

Tomtontom Mon 01-Apr-19 09:53:04

It's pocket money to be spent now, not a lump sum in a savings account.

You are being unreasonable.

CielBleuEtNuages Mon 01-Apr-19 09:54:51

I do think this is unfair but that's life. Bit odd that it's your sister chipping in though.

MIL gives our boys pocket money and has from when they turned 2. Unfortunately she gives an amount based on their ages so the older one gets more than the younger one. Which is tricky to deal with when they both want to save up and buy the same toy but DS2 has to save for longer.

Eventually I asked DH to have a word with her and she aligned the amounts. I don't feel bad about it as we gave her the option to give less to DS1 rather than more to DS2 (we're talking a couple of euros difference once a month).

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