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Anyone struggle with abortion regret today?

(70 Posts)
Lamplight5 Sun 31-Mar-19 23:28:28

I had an abortion two years ago and suffered horrendously with it. Time has helped, but I still think about it and regret it every day.

Mother's Day is particularly hard and brings so many emotions back up, and, of course, you can't tell anyone that you're unhappy and no one knows why.

I don't know why I'm posting really other than I'm alone and feeling down about it. Do you ever really get over the regret and stop thinking about it?

LittleBirdBlues Sun 31-Mar-19 23:42:49

I'm sorry you are feeling low. This must be really hard.

I can't offer any advise as although I did have an abortion my situation is quite different. I have had days were I was saddened by the abortion, but I haven't ever really regretted the decision. It was the right choice for me at the time.

💐 for you.

125678katie Mon 01-Apr-19 00:29:52

Me 100%. Had one last year and it hurts everyday. Today was particularly hard knowing it could’ve been my first mother’s Day.

PurpleGlitter1983 Mon 01-Apr-19 00:34:39

No, but I do have a child so perhaps that makes a difference? I've had a miscarriage and an abortion since my first was born but it doesn't cause me any issues at all any day of the year.

DaisyDuvetDays Mon 01-Apr-19 00:59:25

Your little baby will be born some day and will love you very much smile
That's the way I saw it when I had a termination in 2004. DS waited for me to be ready and was born in 2018.flowers

Tavannach Mon 01-Apr-19 01:07:47

I'm sorry you're feeling so low. Two years is a long time to suffer regret every day. It's not uncommon to have an abortion but if you think there is really no-one you can talk to could you contact Marie Stopes? They offer post abortion counselling.

DexyMidnight Mon 01-Apr-19 02:02:37

I'm sorry you're feeling down. No advice but I hope you manage to make it through today!

Just FYI you're not allowed to talk about abortion on AIBU - just letting you know in case your thread is moved (as it inevitably will be).

Yerroblemom1923 Mon 01-Apr-19 03:38:39

Why can we not talk about abortion on AIBU? Is that really true?

DexyMidnight Mon 01-Apr-19 03:52:51

It happened just last week - the thread gets moved to the pregnancy choices topic apparently as it upsets people.

Which I think is a lot like censorship tbh as we're allowed to discuss rape, murder, capital punishment, religion, homophobia and racism.

But apparently abortion is too triggering!

Yerroblemom1923 Mon 01-Apr-19 03:57:02

Well surely people who might be upset by it can read the title of the thread and scroll on by? Like you say why the censorship?

ThoughtfulThinker Mon 01-Apr-19 04:03:08

I'm yet to have my abortion and I already regret it. I'd like to think at some point I will come to terms with the choice 'we' made. I know it's the right decision but it doesn't seem to make it any easier.

My way of thinking may be wrong, but if you lost the baby naturally there would be unquestioned grief, why doesn't that apply if you've had a termination. In my eyes you're still a Mother, you had a very difficult decision to make,

I spent 20+ years thinking I was pro life & oh how awful it is, but now I think no one has a valid opinion on this subject unless they've gone through it themselves. I never ever thought I'd be in this situation, but I am, I respect every woman who has had to go through this.

I would say to help a little, it might not be your thing, but plant a flower or a tree for the baby. Or maybe one of them fairy gates they do. I honestly have spent a lot of time thinking about this, I've had losses, so it seems ironic what I'm doing, in reality there is little difference between the two.

Going through fertility treatment I was angry with the world, questioned how women could do it. Now when I'm long past accepting we were never going to have a child, for a myriad of reasons it's just not viable. For me the grief feels similar.

Remember in a way you want to, your grief and pain is valid. I think the world would be a better place if people didn't get to have opinions on things they know little about.

If you ever want to talk, feel free to message me. I hope I've made some sense.

ThoughtfulThinker Mon 01-Apr-19 04:03:34

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThoughtfulThinker Mon 01-Apr-19 04:04:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ThoughtfulThinker Mon 01-Apr-19 04:04:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NutElla5x Mon 01-Apr-19 05:11:01

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

NutElla5x Mon 01-Apr-19 05:15:04

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

DexyMidnight Mon 01-Apr-19 07:59:50

Nutella that's really cruel of you, sod off. OP asked if anyone else was in her shoes, if that doesn't apply to you and you have only bile to contribute can you just leave it?

NorthernLurker Mon 01-Apr-19 08:13:50

Nobody uses abortion as a form of contraception and the second post (which I'm reporting) is horrible. Think before posting on a thread like this.

anyotherday Mon 01-Apr-19 08:15:20

To be fair to Nutella they are right - OP chose to end her pregnancy for whatever reason and thats completely up to her (not judging here by the way) but no she's not a mother x

HelloToMyKitty Mon 01-Apr-19 08:27:42

OP, time will ease your pain. I second the idea that a tree or flower may help, in that the baby is gone but not forgotten. I hope you can forgive yourself, you did nothing wrong. flowers

Btw I don’t think what Nutella said was wrong. Abortion is used to prevent becoming a mother in the vast majority of cases. I’d be insulted if someone suggested I was a mother, when I did what I had to to avoid it.

Also, magical thinking is a crutch, it should be avoided unless you absolutely cannot face reality. Even then.....

ghostyslovesheets Mon 01-Apr-19 08:29:12

Jesus such compassion Nutella 😕

ghostyslovesheets Mon 01-Apr-19 08:29:44

And yes abortion can not be used as contraception

NutElla5x Mon 01-Apr-19 10:29:28

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

AriadnePersephoneCloud Mon 01-Apr-19 10:57:32

Yes. I had an abortion 20 years ago and still think I made the wrong choice. I was scared and I didn't think I could do it. Since then having at one point been a single mum of three, I know I would have been fine. I imagine that had I had that child though I would not have the children I have now as life would have gone differently, that means I don't fully regret it IYSwIM

Forgotmyglasses123 Mon 01-Apr-19 11:36:29

I'm sorry that you're feeling down, OP flowers

And I'm sorry that some people on here are dicks.

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