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AIBU to want my DD to do her absolute best?

(64 Posts)
Lincspeeps Sun 31-Mar-19 17:14:14

DD is currently in Yr10 and about to take her mock GCSEs after Easter.

All her lessons are revision lessons and she is doing well (predicted a 7 in all subjects) but whenever I ask her about revising at home it results in World War 3.

Neither I nor DH did well at school and DD is naturally intelligent and I want her to push herself. She's not lazy but happy to watch shit on TV instead of revising - I haven't seen her lift a school book in a year but parents' evening are a joy.

We have just fought like cat and dog as I suggested she needed a revision timetable over the Easter hols - she exploded. DH stepped in and smoothed waters and DD went back to watching TV.

To make matters worse, her school sent a touchy-feely email to all parents on Friday saying the exams are nothing to worry about and not to put too much pressure on our children. My concern is we are only a year away from the real thing......when DO they start to matter? And how the hell to you motivate a teenager to revise at that stage when they're not used to it?

Sorry, I'm venting. Am I being a horrible, pushy mother or is it not unreasonable to hope/expect her to do some revision instead of watching bloody Riverdale???

MitziK Sun 31-Mar-19 18:12:00

Just adding that the whole reason for mocks is

1. They don't freak out when in a hall for the first time
2. They find out what gaps they have in their knowledge or in understanding/answering questions
3. They get to screw up and have poor results before it actually matters.

The third is quite possibly the most important, as it can give them a reality check that no amount of nagging can do. (Or, rarely, reassurance that they can do it/it's nowhere near as bad as they expected).

I call them rehearsals. You're meant to make mistakes in rehearsals. It's the way you avoid them in the final performance.

Buddytheelf85 Sun 31-Mar-19 18:12:56

I totally understand how you feel but I think the points of mocks is that they’re a bit of a kick up the arse. As hard as it is I’d leave her alone and see how she does. If she gets a bunch of 7s with little effort, that’s the time to have a conversation about how well she could do if she actually applied herself.

RedSkyLastNight Sun 31-Mar-19 18:15:32

Coming at it from another pov here. If she's on target for 7s with very little effort, then why not see how her approach works for the y10 exams?
I have a year 10 DS with whom I've now stopped having similar arguments as ultimately I can't force him to work and he has to want to do it for himself. Difference is he's on track for 3s and 4s so he really does need to put in some effort (he has high targets so he is lazy not unable). I've accepted he needs to find his own way. He doesn't want to sit and make a revision timetable with me as then I can check up that he is following it (his words). He doesn't want me to help him revise as he doesnt want me commenting on what he's doing.(his words). So we've had the pep talk about why he is revising, I've made suggestions, I've pointed him at online resources. It might be working as he has spontaneously actually gone off and done some work a couple of times .... but time will tell

Ariela Sun 31-Mar-19 18:20:30

My daughter was given this book for A levels (they do an A level version) which she highly rated and I see they do a GCSE one too :
which apparently is very good.

AleFailTrail Sun 31-Mar-19 18:22:44

14 GCSEs. 1 double award A*A*, one A*, 11 As and one B for a topic done two years earlier. No revision at all done and about half the exams done on less than 2 hours sleep that is to druggies And police raids round my area. Some people don’t need revision.

In fact when I did revise I did far worse (A levels)

Idonotlikeyoudonaldtrump Sun 31-Mar-19 18:41:36

I think they need to be self motivated and that putting pressure on her will only make her rebel. Leave it completely to her.

pointythings Sun 31-Mar-19 18:59:43

She doesn't need a holiday revision timetable for Easter in Yr 10. Your DD is bright - you are asking for her to burn out early. Her actual exams are more than a year away and she is still working through the syllabus.

When she's in Yr11 the school will push revision, most lessons after Christmas will be revision, her homework will be 90% revision. Don't push like made now, it will be completely counterproductive.

I currently have one in Yr13 and one in Yr11 so I've been there, done that.

Amongstthetallgrass Sun 31-Mar-19 19:01:55

It’s her mocks. She will learn from this how much effort she needs to put in. Leave her to it

AskMeHow Sun 31-Mar-19 20:01:22

Don't pressure her about Y10 exams, she's got a whole year to go yet and has only done a little bit of the syllabus. Let her do it her own way for now. Perhaps buy her some 'how to revise' guides if you want, it's a skill that needs to be learned like any other. But don't nag her about it. I did no revision for gcses at all until Xmas of Y11, which is about the right time imo.

Comefromaway Sun 31-Mar-19 22:27:31

Since when have Year 10 exams been called mocks? Mocks happen in November-January of Year 11 surely.

Well they did for dd last year & ds next year (different schools). Year 10 is just normal end of year internal exams.

editingfairy Sun 31-Mar-19 22:34:07

She hasn’t picked up a textbook yet? Dd in year 10 has been revising every night - not just for Easter year 10 exams, but to get a march on revising for next year.

Also, posters who are saying they didn’t revise at all for exams, I think the current GCSEs are harder than they used to be.

Notcontent Sun 31-Mar-19 22:40:41

Editing fairy - that’s exactly what I was thinking. I think the current GCSEs are a lot harder and, to be honest, most people do need to revise...

Comefromaway Sun 31-Mar-19 23:22:18

They are harder. Which is why at this stage it’s best to focus on learning the content without putting too much pressure on.

EduCated Sun 31-Mar-19 23:26:28

I absolutely coasted my GCSEs with no revision - I don’t think I could have got away with it with the new GCSEs, there’s just so much content and higher level stuff.

Also did me no favours for A levels.

k1233 Sun 31-Mar-19 23:39:07

If her lessons are all revision lessons, why does she need to do more revision at home? I was your daughter. Academically things are easy for me. Final year of school my mother chucked a hissy as I was doing something with BF instead of revising maths. Like your daughter, we'd had weeks of revision in class. I ended up getting 62.5/65 on final exam, got the award for maths and numerous other classes.

If she's on top of her work, then what's the problem?

Ihatehashtags Mon 01-Apr-19 04:54:50

Yes you are being pushy!! My own mother used to constantly compare how much I was studying to how much her friends kids were studying. Drove me mental and we had huge fights about it. I ended up with whatever the top levels are you can get these days. If however your child is struggling I think setting a bit of a timetable for study with some Fun times as well would be a good idea.

TwoShades1 Mon 01-Apr-19 05:49:41

If she is doing well in classes and getting good marks there does she need to revise? I will admit to doing exceptionally little actual revision before exams and doing extremely well.

Namenic Mon 01-Apr-19 06:22:37

People are allowed to coast.

But if it was my kid and I were to consider supporting them going to university I would expect them to put effort into their work. Wouldn’t mind so much about the grades. I’d ask them what they wanted to do afterwards and counsel them on how getting better grades would allow them to get on a better course/uni which would impact their job and quality of life later.

Building the work ethic is the most important thing because at some point people will find they have to work - and i’d Rather it was not too late (when they’re in oodles of debt). If they weren’t able to do this over the next few years I’d encourage them to do apprenticeship after a level (if they can get on one).

But take an interest in her work and see her blind spots. 7s has room for improvement.

Oblomov19 Mon 01-Apr-19 06:46:00

I'm on the year 10 thread, which I've found very helpful. Advise with GCSE mocks, and revision.

HoY told me that Ds1 is coasting, as are many of the boys in his year!! 'It's a problem!!

CherryPavlova Mon 01-Apr-19 06:51:15

I’m with you OP. It sounds like school accepts mediocre performance from potentially high achievers. I think in year 10 there has to be balance but yes of course she should be supported to aim for level 9s in all subjects. I’m sure she used to practice for spelling tests and this is no different.
Turn tv off, set revision times, help find interesting ways to revise, reward revision activities- “after you’ve revised for two hours on Saturday, we’ll go into town for lunch” etc.
I’d have the discussion about higher grades giving better options and being a better foundation for A levels. I’d also point out that a sheet of level 9s impresses employers for years to come.
Don’t accept second best for her.

malificent7 Mon 01-Apr-19 07:44:17

Am i the only person who had to work for my gcses? I disagree that you don't need to revise for them..year 10 is a bit early though.

Ihatehashtags Mon 01-Apr-19 08:33:47

@cherrypavlova bollocks about level 9s impressing employers for years to come. Grades mean nothing except to show you can work hard if you want to. And grades show nothing about a persons people skills. Just take a looks at doctors in the hospitals and you’ll understand what I mean!

EleanorOalike Mon 01-Apr-19 08:39:29

I didn’t revise and only got one B and one C, all the rest were A* and A’s and at A-Level I got 100% on several papers, A overall on everything except General Studies which was a B. Some people don’t need to revise.

EleanorOalike Mon 01-Apr-19 08:41:49

Oh yes, and I did work for my results. I worked very hard in class, engaged with all questions, contributed to discussions and didn’t mess about like many other kids and I put hours each night into my homework for the two years prior to the exams.

Bittern11 Mon 01-Apr-19 08:48:19

How old are all the posters who are saying they coasted through their GCSEs and didn't revise for them?

The current GCSEs are a whole new kettle of fish. They are harder than previous GCSEs and they're all terminal exams. No course work goes towards the final grade.

So the advice of anyone who sat GCSEs more than a couple of years ago is totally irrelevant here.

DD is at a grammar and the Year 10s are all revising this year - so they have less to do next year. They've had talks from current Year 11s who left all their revising to Year 11 and are having a hell of a time trying to catch up on everything. If your dd is doing any of the sciences, for e.g., the amount of work they cover is unbelievable.

Students will be learning possibly up until the Easter before the exams, depending how fast teachers are teaching, which does not leave much time to revise two years' worth of work for 9 subjects...

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