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Aibu? Re mothers day

(23 Posts)
OriginalSin Sun 31-Mar-19 13:12:28

I probably sound really petty but aibu to be miffed that I didn't get a card or even a message off my stepson for mothers day?

Back history - he's an adult with fiance and a baby. We do tonnes of minding while they're at work, bought them all kinds for the baby etc.

DH and his ex split due to her cheating and DH was left with his son, then aged 16. When I met him he was almost bankrupt on the verge of losing their house. Got all his debts sorted out for DH. Bought the ex out to keep a roof over our heads.

Just feel really hurt and pissed off today sorry. I must be like an evil stepmum!
I'm not though!

Bobbycat121 Sun 31-Mar-19 13:14:59

yabu, surprised you expected him to tbh.

BillywigSting Sun 31-Mar-19 13:15:47

It sounds like you have done an awful lot for them so I can see why you're upset.
You can get cards for step mum's now too that isn't really an excuse.

Does he see you as a mother figure though if he didn't know you until he was 16?

GreatDuckCookery Sun 31-Mar-19 13:17:58

I can see why you’re hurt, you sound lovely and like you’ve don’t a lot for him. He may be seeing at as black and white though in that he has a mum. Does he buy you things for birthday or Christmas?

Pieceofpurplesky Sun 31-Mar-19 13:21:05

You are not his mum. I wouldn't expect one of my SS

BottleOfJameson Sun 31-Mar-19 13:24:21

I can see why you're hurt it sounds like you've been amazing to DSS and DH But as amazing as you are you're not his mother - you didn't even meet DSS until he was almost grown up, which is probably why you didn't get acard

Alsohuman Sun 31-Mar-19 13:24:49

Neither of my stepsons or my son remembered. I’m a bit miffed about my son but I’d have been gobstruck to get anything from the others.

GottenGottenGotten Sun 31-Mar-19 13:25:13

YABU, sorry.

While it would be a nice gesture, you aren't a mother figure in good life, your are his father's other half and he only met you when he was already an adult, or close to it.

Drum2018 Sun 31-Mar-19 13:29:11

Has he sent you one every other year? Maybe he's focussed on his fiancée this year with having the baby, and just didn't think of sending you a card. In any case the days not over yet. Maybe he'll text you later.

Onceuponacheesecake Sun 31-Mar-19 13:30:17

Does he consider you a stepmum though? It seems he was quite old when you and your partner got together so surely the dynamic of your relationship isn't really like one of a mother and child?

My mum met her new partner when I was 18. He's amazing and is a grandfather figure to my son who was born after their relationship started but he is in no way a father to me and it wouldn't cross my mind to think of him on father's Day.

treenu Sun 31-Mar-19 13:33:19

My Dad has a new wife (10 or so years) I would dream of referring to her as a step mum!

She has helped out with things and I'm grateful by that's a bit much.

TheHumbleHawthorn Sun 31-Mar-19 13:34:28

YABU - you might have fulfilled some roles that are often carried out by a mum or grandmother but your step son is under no obligation to view you that way.

Walkingdeadfangirl Sun 31-Mar-19 13:38:08

But you are not his mum (he has one of those already) so not sure why he would send you a mothers day card. Yes you have been nice to him and it would be polite for him to say thank you occasionally, like on your birthday or at Christmas.
But today most children are celebrating the people who gave birth to them.

LadyPenelope68 Sun 31-Mar-19 13:41:38

You're not his Mum though, so I do think UABU.

multiplemum3 Sun 31-Mar-19 13:43:03

Why would he get you a mothers day card when you're not his mum?

OriginalSin Sun 31-Mar-19 13:44:28

Thanks guys.
I know iabu but just feel crap today.
Yes I was seen by him as stepmum, did all the humdrum stuff washing ironing cooking supporting him thru uni, subsequent periods of unemployment, etc.

His own mum doesn't give a shit, he's said that on many occasions although obvs I've never commented / badmouthed her in any way.

I have pmt hence over emotional. smile

riotlady Sun 31-Mar-19 14:21:37

Sorry, I don’t get anything for my stepmum- I get a present for my mum and she gets things from her actual kids.

SinglePringle Sun 31-Mar-19 14:26:28


You can get all manner of ‘Mother’s Day’ cards these days. I’ve seen ‘Thanks for being a brilliant 2nd Mum’ and ‘Thanks for being my Mum, Dad’.

I’d be hurt too.

DisplayPurposesOnly Sun 31-Mar-19 14:29:06

I don't think you are being especially unreasonable, but if he's generally appreciative of all you have done and do do, then I think you can let this particular omission go.

You haven't said whether he has previously acknowledged you on mother's day...?

studentwithmould Sun 31-Mar-19 14:39:30

YADNBU - my sister always buys a gift and sends a card for my mum (her step mum) on mothers day. It always makes her day, especially if she gets one that says 'mum' rather than 'step mum'!

bunchoftulipsanddaffs Sun 31-Mar-19 14:43:20

To be fair, he isn’t your son and he does have a mum.

I think your DH should have covered it for you if you had told him you expected it.

StillMe1 Sun 31-Mar-19 14:52:22

I got a card, sweets and flowers from my "step" son and family.
I got a text first thing from "step" daughter and a phone caller at lunch time.
I got absolutely no acknowledgement from my own DC or DGC.
I put "step" son & daughter because I am not married to their dad nor do I live with him yet. They have a mother who left them years ago.
I was so thrilled that the "step" kids thought of me, but sorely disappointed with my own DC

Tursiopstruncatus Sun 31-Mar-19 14:54:37

He might just be finding the whole MD thing incredibly difficult himself, given his relationship with his mum.

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